Gratefully blind as a bat - project me post 880
When I was growing up, wearing glasses was a fate that truly made me feel like all the world was out to get me, laugh at me and mock me. I dreamed of the day I could wear contact lenses and no one would be the wiser. It took me a while to finally be able to swap out the glasses because my eyes are so bad that they didn't even make them for my degree of lack of sight.
If you can imagine that, you can also imagine that my glasses weren't the thinnest lenses in town ... and that's a whole other story for the self esteem to tell one day. But eventually the glasses went and the contact lenses started to help pave the way to a more confident me. Of course the irony is that Pat says I look sexy in my glasses, but I still try and avoid wearing them as much as I can.
In the hours of avoidance and when contact lenses just aren't appropriate ... usually as I wake up and go to sleep or wake up in the morning, life is pretty much a blur. I wish I could explain to you what I see, and the best way if to imagine staring through the bottom of a very thick glass bottle. Pretty blurry, right?
Well, on mornings like today, I'm most grateful for my total lack of eye sight and even more grateful that I have my man right by my side for a conversation that begins with, "hunny is that a crack in the wall!" and ends with "SPIDER!"
For me to see it, it had to be freaking huge but Pat was calm as anything and quietly slipped away to get all the right things (because as scared as I am of spiders, we don't harm them EVER!" ?That gave me the opportunity to grab my glasses, but not put them on, and make a wild dash out the door while he did the rescue thing.
He's so cute ... he has a fat conversation with the little guy while removing him from the house and placing him back into nature where he belongs. It doesn't make my skin crawl any less and for a girl who is so close ?to the great goddesses who were all a part of the great creatures plan, you would think I should be better?acquainted.
Anyway, I went back to sleep after the ordeal and dreamed about some mafia, combo terrorist thing but that's because we are currently obsessed with Homeland and are at the point where he nearly ... oh, ssshhh for those who might not have seen it yet.
I made my mind up that it was back on the #projectbody tracks today and I headed out to gym, which I'm thrilled about. I could feel like I have taken a break, but on the upside, my body felt strong with no aches and pains. So it's day one on #myroadto40 and it started a little scary but I learned something really valuable too ...
Sometimes it's better not to see what's in front of you and just grab your things and RUN into the start of a new day, because there will always be someone or something there to help you along with the scary bits.
My road to 40 - project me post 879
It's my birthday!
I thought that I got older I would get a little less excited, but it seems that this year the complete opposite has?happened. I think it's because of all that I can see myself begin to achieve that I am so looking forward to my big 40. Yes, yes, I know I just got to 39 and intend to savour every moment of the last year in my 30's .
I remember my 30th birthday and the disastrous year that followed and introduced me to the rocky road of the the next 10 years. There have been so many ups and downs and each on got me to where I am today ... the perfect place to start preparing for a different number of years all together.
I decided to start my year with simplicity and comfort and all I really wanted to do was chill with my man, spend time with my family and eat cake. Okay I do have a bigger party with friends planned with Saturday but Mitchie joined in the family celebrations today and after a weekend somewhere in the middle of nowhere I even got a visit from Greggie ... just in time for cake of course!
I've battled a little with #projectme over the past few weeks and although I have stuck in the zone of the 10kg loss, I haven't dropped any. But I'm ready for my first day of #myroadto40 (do you like the hasthag) and the return to gym.
I also think it's going to be a return of something else ... more regular blogging. I did say daily, but I might mean during the week. Either way, there are things I want to get done and stories of my journey that I want to share and I know how time flies.
But before that begins, I wanted to share some precious moments from my birthday:
Happy birthday to ME!!
How cute is my man ... my day started with candles in my eggs on toast
Then a gorgeous candle lit bath ... in the morning time ;p
Then to make it so very special, my nephews baked me a cake. That's a butterfly and a leaf ... and their mom did jump in to do a little saving of the day 😉
PS ... I know there's a drama with commenting on my blog and I'm working on that so please don't give up trying
When I wake up I'll be the birthday girl - project me post 878
I can't believe how excited I am.
Well, I'm always excited, but this time it's for a totally different reason. I can't believe how excited I am to be heading out of the 30's and I have a whole year to celebrate and build up to it. I never thought 39 would be filled with so many opportunities.
I think it's because I've had a taste of all I know I can achieve. The success. The weight loss. The recognition. The love. The FUN!
It might be pre birthday madness, but I think I want to go back to blogging every day ... after all, it is #myroadto40!!
But before that ... bye bye 38!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
#Peacestarts within - project me post 877
I love trying to focus on certain days and ask myself if I will remember where I was at that particular moment. We usually remember times like where we where when the second plane hit the second tower on September 11th. I was working for my mom then and I remember my dad come flying down the stairs, white as a ghost. We stood and watched the news while he frantically dialing my sister's hotel room ... In New York! She was there for a Michael Jackson concert and ... well, it wasn't a very peaceful day in my family's life at all.
All I wanted was to feel peace ... feel at peace!
When I was invited to the press release of #Peacestarts by the founder Cito from Wonderboom and Collett Dawson and they asked if Lifeology could represent #FollowSA on the day, I was beyond honoured. The first thing I thought of was what peace means to me. Of course that's the big questions that Peace Starts is asking each one of us and I've had a good few days to think about it.
I've come such a long way in my personal journey with self and slowly I've seen how life is giving me more time to give to others. It's like the reward for finding peace within ourselves is helping others ?find peace in their lives too. I won't lie ... it took years. Before #projectme I don't think I would have had once ounce of energy to comprehend the feeling of peace. So I stopped ... did some work on me ... and within time had enough energy to give life to #FollowSA.
With Miss Earth founder Catherine & Peace Starts founder Cito and of course ... Greggie
Peace Starts did something awesome today. They launched the Pledge for Peace campaign giving everyone the opportunity to discover what peace means to them and then DO something about it.
We are then asked to create a video, take pictures, write poems or song, perform, make others perform ... you name ... and then post it to the Peace Starts website. It's not just about today but every day for the year's campaign.
If anyone knows something about?committing for a year, it's me. I was only going to be doing this blog for 1 year and here I am heading for my 4th year. So I can't wait for the years and years to come of this incredible initiative.
My challenge has been such a person one and I intend to use the #FollowSA community to find out what peace means to them and add to this very important pledge. I just want to start by seeing a more positive attitude in my Timeline on my social platforms. I want to find a way to spread a message to people, that complaining about something or someone only creates distress within the person who is complaining and fighting with the world. That starts from inside and with a little bit of self love each day, I believe the entire psyche of the world could change.
What's your plan?
It's always so special seeing Miss Earth 2012 Tamerin Jardine
Dear Novel meet the grammar police - project me post 876
It's been a quite week on the business front. Well, that's to say that we haven't had a whole lot of running around and going out to do, but the to do list is still mighty full. Because I believe that everything is exactly as it should be, I'm not surprised that it's full of all the things I've been putting off for quite a while ... live 4 years maybe.
My poor novel, that I truly love, started before my dad passed away and yesterday was 4 years since his passing. I told him the outline of Ephineah and I could see his usual smirk, wondering where he got this child that had all these 'wierd' ideas about healing the body. Said 'Ee-feen-e-yah', which only made him wonder about me more, Ephineah is a story about ... oh wait, let me rather throw the plot in right about now:
Shavon needed to be headstrong and aggressive as a political journalist, but when she confuses arrogance, exhaustion and an ailing body as the signs of success, she finds herself indefinably booked off work with a breakdown as her only reward.
Dressed in her usual work attire, Shavon arrives at the beach house offered to her by her wealthy cousin and finds herself quickly immersed in the lives of the family who live next door. The semi-retired couple, Ida and Lennon Briar have reaped the rewards of their success as Lennon slowly hands the last responsibilities of his business, to their son, Phedon. Ida spends her days spiritually awakening all those around her and taking care of her husband, their son and her granddaughter, Aldora. Phedon is a single parent who battles the demons of his past, but never loses sight that his daughter is his priority.
Shavon forms a unique relationship with each member of the Briar family and finds herself on a powerful journey of self discovery that is filled with opportunity to heal herself in the most magical and unconventional ways. ?Of all the unsuspecting events, none is more prominent than her meeting with and learning to love and accept Ephineah into her life.
This story is about discovering your truth, listening to the innocence of the child within and giving your dreams the freedom to sore before your body ails under the denial of your soul.
Ephineah is the story of listening to voices. Every one of them has a message waiting for you to pay attention and start living as though you were dreaming.
Timing truly is everything and last week Greggie and I were at a function where we met a fascinating man in the world of advertising. We ended up chatting about publishing because he's a published author and a very long story short, he said he wanted to see a few chapters of my novel.
This time I was determined to get some chapters to him, but the same thing that has always haunted me got to me again. The story is perfect in my world, but I always freak out because my strength is not spelling or?grammar. Actually, in my personal opinion,?I'm?shocking at it. ?So that's the stumbling block and it finally dawned on me.
So instead of backing down I called a friend of mine, GrammarC, who truly is the Gammar Police. It's part of her job and she loves reading. We've bonded over a very short period of time and I see a great friendship growing and she was thrilled to be a part of my journey with me. So now for the brave next step of sending her the first 10 chapters that I've proofread as best as I can.
I'm hoping it pushes me along because there are another 20 chapters that just need my final once over to make sure that I'm settled with the story. I keep on reading the first 10 chapter and then fall apart about the ... you guessed it ... grammar, and I stop.
So no more stopping ... who wants to read a chapter?
Any step is the right direction - project me post 875
I packed all my winter clothes away on spring day because spring should have sprung but there's no denying that I was far too premature in that decisions. Sometimes I have this idealistic outlook on life and when winter is packed away, it should be packed in the highest cupboard. So the small stepladder is in the bedroom and a new jersey and extra thick socks keep making their way down, because in my head it will only be cold for one more day.
It's not even something I think I'll ever change about myself and it keeps giving me the opportunity to remind myself that my innocent outlook on life has me climbing new heights ... even if it's to get a packed away jersey.
The same goes for eating and even though it's a freezing cold night, there's yummy chicken salad for dinner. I'm sure I should have thrown it in a pot and souped it up, but my body is so craving fresh veggies right now.
Since I had the injection in my foot, I haven't been to gym and the whole ordeal seemed to throw me a little bit. I haven't been eating super well, although I can?definitely see that a pig-out session isn't nearly as extreme as it used to be. The one thing that does go out the window are the fresh veggies and after last night's big Jewish family dinner, I just wanted to get back on track today. I've picked up about 800g since my big announcement of 10kg and for the way I've been eating I thought it would be more.
I don't know if I told you that I've started to weight myself every morning. I've gone from being petrified of the scale to making friends with it and letting it help me work on my mindset. That's how I didn't pick up fortunes in the past 2 or so weeks. So I'm slowly feeling back to healthy, clean eating and just need an extra day or two to convince myself that my foot is fine and it's back to gym.
My special friend Mitch and Me!
I can definitely see in pics that it's slowly coming off and I watch how freely I am happy to have people post pics of me to their social networks without me holding my breath at what I'm going to look like.
Of all the steps in a hundred different directions, I have to say the ones with Pat have been the most like the dance of life.
Relationships should come with a warning ... or maybe not because I don't know if we'd brave them the way we fearlessly do.
Money and compromise ... those are the two things that I've totally come to see as the hurdles that stand in the way of a blissful journey. I'm not even striving for total bliss because I do know that the challenges and frictions make us grow as a couple, but the last few days have been like trying to mix oil and water.
I know we come out the other side stronger and that neither of us have doubts ... despite threatening to leave each other in the heated of moments, but sometimes it just seems impossible to get along or agree. If you ask us individually, we are both just trying to do the best the can in the situation we find ourselves in. It takes a whole lot of empathy to support and love someone?unconditionally. Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way, but wowzers ... relationships are steps in a whole lot of crazy directions.
It's still one foot in front of the other, finally making money and watching the client base grow. It's one meal at a time and one conversation that needs to be had ...
No more hopping around the bush - project me post 873
This morning I woke up and started my day with my usual routine which begins with a visualisation that takes me to my happy place where I get to hang out with some super wise and kinda cheeky 'unseen friends'. We've been hanging out for a while, so I trust the process a lot and have learned to tell the difference between the madness of my mind talking and the voices of wisdom and reason. In this space I got myself in a state the work week is so quiet and that we don't have a whole lot of meeting lined up, events to go to and Tweets to ... um, Tweet.
The change is drastic because over the past few months I've been going to that same happy place and saying how very busy it is and the timing just hasn't been right to stop and take not that my body has been begging for attention for far too long now. Yes, I've?sporadically blogged (and been trying to avoid) that my ankle has been sore for months. Seriously, it must be way, way over 6 months now. Wait, maybe longer because I know I stalled checking it out because of our travels to Durban and Cape Town for #FollowSA. Anyway, it's not about bashing myself over the head in anger for leaving it for so long, but about the 'unseen friends' who pointed out the obvious ... that today was the day I make an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon.
I'm petrified, to say the least. I've gathered that if it were something that would heal on its own it would have done that ages ago and there are OTHER measures that need to be taken for this very sore ankle. So I made the appointment today and I'm going to him on Friday morning. As far as doing one thing each day that scares me ... well this is pretty much up in the petrified space. Oh wait, I said that.
I'm not even scared of having an op if I need one. I'm more afraid of the healing and recovery time and how it's going to impact my daily life considering I make a living being at event and out and about. I'm also nervous that I won't be able to train for a while and I'm so fully in the swing of #projectbody. But that's all issues that I will find resolution to because I will always have memories of my back injury and how life went on and I grew from it that will carry me through this too.
So that's my braveness for one day and I'll let you know what the doc says on Friday 🙂
The picture you don't want to take today - project me post 872 #projectbody
Just over two weeks ago we dealt with the very sad passing of a dear friend. It's one of the reasons I have been so quiet over the past few weeks and I think I really needed time to process my own thoughts in my head before I tried to rationalise them out into the world. In celebrating his life, we worked our way through dozens of photographs of precious moments that we shared and at his memorial, a slideshow looped throughout the event, bringing the journey of his life to all of us and giving us the precious opportunity to see how perfectly we fitted into his story.
I adore those pictures of him and I and I was so grateful to have them flash upon the screen to tell the story of the brief, but special part of our lives that we shared.
Then, this weekend, while trying to sort though more of my feelings about his passing, I went back to the pictures that tell the story of us, and something struck me. If this friendship would have been a few years back, there would be none of those captured moments because I used to shy away from the camera in horror at what I thought of myself. Slowly, I started to think that I wasn't that bad and eventually I realised that the only people looking at the 'fat girl' in the pictures was me. Everyone else was loving the memories or the moments and I couldn't be more grateful that I no happily snap away at pics of myself and the special people in my life.
Then in January 2012 and now in August 2012 ... over 10kg less and I love having the pictures to prove it
While sorting through the pictures, Greggie commented on the change in my body and only after the very long and sad few weeks passed did I stop and compare pictures of where I was and where I am. I only have one picture, from 2004, when I weighted a whopping 125kg ... and now I wish I had more. I remember that day I realised how fat I was and how it shifted me into a reality that made me realise I had to do something different. Then, I was hysterical and just wanted to shake the weight off, but it time, the photographs of myself started to inspire me.
All I have done to keep track of my weight loss is keep one pair of fat jeans, recorded my weight and my waist and hip measurement. That might seem like a whole lot, but in the scheme of things, it's very simple. Of all those things ... there has been no greater inspiration and motivation than looking at a picture that shows me how far I have come.
And now I visualise myself that bit thinner and wearing something that bit smaller. Not much ... I know I will be in the sexy hipster jeans one day, but right now I just want to see a noticeable difference the next time I have my pics snapped of me!
So take it from me ... don't shy away from the camera and let the pics tell you the truth, because in the end they tell you a very special story of just how far you have come.