What to do with the birthday blues - project me post 986
I had a day planned. It was all very spiritual and ritualistic. It involved spring cleaning on so many levels. It's now nearly 3pm and I'm sitting in the midst of a mess and some chaos ... none have anything to do with spring cleaning.
I Googled before I blogged and yes, birthday blues are legit. They exist and now matter how we try and fight them, they kinda hang around at this time. So they are here and have been for few days. No, who am I kidding, they have been here for a few weeks. It's amazing that one thing emotional seems to make all the other every day chaos seem like it's impossible to handle.
Maybe that's just me and I'm not taking away from the tough woman that I am, but everything has seemed like it's going to bring me to cracking point and then it doesn't. On the other hand, I wish it would. All I've wanted to do over the last few days is cry, fall over and get a whole lot of sympathy. Yet, everyone around me just keeps praising me for all I have achieved, how I've touched their lives and how much they admire the grace and excitement that I'm approaching 40 with. Damn, it's been frustrating ... so I did what I do best.
I ate ice cream!
It's a few hours after I started this post and in the midst of much frustration I got up, climbed in the car (in my pajamas) and went to buy ice cream. I don't think I had one thought. I just drove there, got vanilla ice cream, drove home, ran a bath and while it was running I dished up 2 bowls.
One for my 30's and the other for my 40's!!
I lit sage, because everyone should know that sage can get rid of anything. While the incense burned, I climbed into the bath and began my made up ritual. One day I'll do a blog just on how simple a ritual can be and that most of us do rituals without being conscious of it, but let me not get distracted.
The first bowl of ice cream I ate while chatting to my 30's. I reflected back on the decade and how it changed me and helped me grow. I thought about so much, from my new born business to my first steps in the spiritual world of my beliefs. I thought of the fire that tore down my family home with my business in it, but how that all built me up and made me stronger. I thought about my weight and how it was up then down and then up and then down and how it finally settled into something I could live with. I lost my dad and found love but I lost that too. I ended a friendship of nearly 2 decades but I made friendships of new priceless majesty.
As paused and before finishing the first bowl of ice cream, I imagined my 30's as the foundation for an incredible decade to come. I said my last few thank you's and really praised myself for all of my happiness, achievements, dream come true and overcoming fears, challenges and the turmoil of life.
I then swapped bowls and while indulging on the second I chatted to my 40's. I spoke about all that I plan to achieve in the years to come. ?I savoured every mouthful and talked to my 40's about love, career, health, travel, successes and everything in between. I felt the excitement well at all the plans and I spoke with confidence and determination and felt myself build my dreams on the foundation of my 30's.
Mouthful by mouthful, I picked myself up and with a ritual that was made up (mainly as any excuse to eat ice cream) I picked myself up out of my blue misery and feel the bubble of joy coming back as I spend the last few hours in my 30's!!!
To silence the mind of mad chatter - project me post 985
There seem to be way more than 10 things on my mind all at one time, most of the day. It's happening directly in the midst of learning to silence the mind and 'be' more than 'do'. It's like telling a kid not to put their hand in the sweet jar and now that I've opened myself up to NOT thinking so much ... I seem to be thinking non stop!
Some thoughts are valid and I can do ... oh dear, I'm supposed to be 'being' and not 'doing', so instead, I'm just going to let it all spew t! The noisiest thoughts occupying my mind:
I'm 6 days away from 40:
Not so yay!!
The saw between being thrilled at the possibilities that are supposed to come about at this great turn of age are tossed upside down by reminding myself that I'm going to be the spinster 40 year old, with 3 cats, living with my mom! Then again, I marvel at all I have achieved in my career and my life and I'm only 40! 40 ... hell that's old, when I look at the youth all around me! 40 ... not so bad! 40 ... feels so bad!!! *screams in frustration and changes thought*
I've formed a great relationship and money is here to stay!!
Money is never here to stay, so brace yourself for not having it again!!
Enjoy it while it's here?
Don't save too much?
Don't spend too much?
I have really learned that money is like any other relationship I should be nurturing, but relationships in general are scary for me. Yet I'm saving and spending and budgeting and ... oi, let's focus on another relationship
That other relationship:
It's fine that I don't have THAT special relationship!
It's not fine that I don't have THAT special relationship!
He's out there somewhere and the timing is waiting to be right!
He's not out there ...
I like a guy and for the life of me I can't figure out how he feels. We chat ... and chat ... and chat ... and ... that's all!!
Then I swear not to chat to him again ... until he get in touch and ... BOYS!!!
Okay, let's think about work then:
The business is growing so well!
The business is growing too fast!!
I've been waiting for this influx of clients and opportunities!!
Eeeeeek, I'm not ready for this ...
Our business is at a place that Greggie and I dreamed of and the ability to stick through as an entrepreneur and reap the rewards is insanely exciting. I have a temp assistant and am already been called upon to consider more assistance. That ... makes a hell of a noise in the head of a budding entrepreneur!!
okay then, I really don't want to think about that! So I get excited for 40 for a fleeting moment, then feel like the spinster, who so doesn't want to think about that, so I check my phone to see if he's messaged. He hasn't, so I feel like the spinster for all eternity, but that's okay because I can financially take care of myself ... or can I? Okay best I think about my business to make sure that I can take care of myself ... at 40!!!
Oh shit .. the house I'm renting has been sold.
With mom or not?
Luckily the noises in the house distract me!!!
The noises of my mom's fiance and her potting around. Yes, mom's got the guy and I thought I would be taking care of her and not the other way around.
They want me stay and live with them because they plan to travel a lot!
I'm thinking it's a good time to move one ...
With the cats? Without the cats?
With the parrot? Without the parrot?
I want to cry!!
Don't cry ...
So I decide to stop the thoughts and focus on work! Yes, let's work ...
Am I saving enough to retire? Will I retire alone? Will I be doing what I love until I retire or will I have to ...
Friends ... I'm so lucky!
Friends ... they are so disappointing!!!
Why hasn't he messaged back? Maybe I said something to offend him? Maybe he's got a girlfriend ... or a wife!!!!
This mayhem calls for ice cream!!
I am still not eating healthy enough!!
SHUT UP HEAD!!!
JUST BE ...
How does one be?
What does it take to just be?
Is there a book i can read?
Is there a class I can attend?
Do I have money for the class or should I be saving instead?
*hums a happy tune out loud*
#MoneyMagic online course with @Fairygodmother - project me week 11
I can't believe there is only one week left of this incredible online course, but more than that, I can't begin to explain how I have changed from it in 11 short weeks.
The process from one week to the next has taken me on a journey that has truly built and exciting and solid relationship with money and in this 11rh week, I found myself lost in daydreams of what my future will look like.
What I have loved most about this work is rediscovering how to do things I thought I always knew how to do. Visualise, focus, daydream, gratitude, bring into reality and I feel as though it has helped me kick start another chapter in my already deeply spiritual journey. I know I'm doing things differently because of the emotional roller coaster ride that has come along with this work. It's so much more than about money. I've really learned that self worth and self esteem is at the core of everything and that I have some work to still do on that. That's why I'm so excited to be starting my second course with @Fairygodmother on the 1st of October called The Gem. It's a new one on her list of life changing work and there is still time to sign up and share the process with me.
So back to daydreaming and manifesting. It's been just that and one of the exercise got me really focus on the little details of what my relationship with money can bring to me. Of all the things that I realised, one yelled out to me and had me dazed in amazed realisation. These desire to have and be must come from somewhere. There are a million other choices that ?I could make and other paths I could want to go down and things I could want, but no ... I want THIS!
There are no words to describe what that realisation did and I felt the floodgates of Project Me dreams swing open. I have always said that imagination is the reality of the soul, but it was only at that moment that I realised just how powerful it is to allow your mind to show you what you heart and soul already know.
For all the courses run by Fairy Godmother AKA Donna McCallum, visit Fairygodmotherinc.com
A gentleman Gone2Golf - project me post 983
This really is the sweetest thing and before I leave a totally uncensored story by my brother-in-law for you, I want to say a very special thank you to Gone2Golf for allowing me the opportunity to spoil the most amazing gentleman I know to a day of golf at the Glenvista Golf Club.
My baby sis is married to the most amazing man! I don't even know what more to say, but he's always the reminder to me that gentlemen still exist. He gives hugs that make the world feel like a better place and in return, my sister asked me to help spoil him with something that might seem so simple, but truly meant so much ... a round of golf.
Although this present was from a whole lot of months back, Mattie (that's him) lost his dad so unexpectedly and every single time I have tried to do this post, I have started crying before I could even open the window. Months have passed and we are still shocked, sad and wiping tears ... mainly from the eyes of this gentle giant (he's literally ridiculously tall).
His story is special and I wouldn't have been able to treat him if it were not for the incredible team at GolfTweeps (thank you for your patience for this post).
I truly believe that passion is the most important ingredient of all and these words just have the love for this sport written all over. Mattie, when I make my wishes ... I always wish for more opportunities to spoil you with a game that I don't understand, but truly respect ...
Here's his story about a day of golf!
Imagine my surprise when on my birthday after opening what I think was all my presents I get presented with an envelope. I open the envelope and find a voucher for golf for 2 at Glenvista Golf Club through Gone 2 Golf. A little while later I called David from Gone 2 Golf to arrange for the round and?I let my friend Lance know and the arrangements started falling in place.
Lance agreed to fetch me from my house which almost didn?t happen as his son loves golf and always joins us for the walk when we play mashie so he was rather upset when he heard that his dad was going to play golf with uncle Matt.
Lance arrived at my house at 10:45 leaving us 45 minutes to get from Morningside to Glenvista Golf Course. Me made it to the course by 11:15 giving us 11 minutes to get to the Pro shop and check in and to the first tee box bearing in mind we both had to get our clubs out the car set up our trolleys with the clubs and walk down to the clubhouse etc. We made it to the tee box and Petrus and his friend and literally seconds later walked up to the tee box and started the round.
It however didn?t start off as well as I would have liked, slicing my drive down the right hand side. Thankfully it was still in play, my second shot was great I hit my three iron and it landed up just short of the green. The greens at glenvista are lightening fast compared to the courses I have played at so ended up only getting a 6. Hole 2 was atrocious my first attempt at teeing off hit a tree and landed up behind the tee box and I thought to myself oh goodness here we go. The rest of the hole was a write off bar the clever crack from Petrus? friend after I hit my 4th shot into someone?s house and hitting the roof. He said it cant be great having Sunday lunch in those houses as you ask someone to pass the lamb shank a ball hits the roof. I commented yeah I will have a slice of lamb too. The third went ok I decided to play my 3 Iron off the tee coz I would have disturbed someone elses lunch if I hit my driver. Thankfully there was a little wall about 2 inches high stopping my ball from going into the water trough that runs all the way down into the stream. I managed to get a point there too thankfully.
The 4th was brilliant a nice par three and all four of us managed to get a par. The next was horrendous so I wont even go into it. I did however manage to get another? par on the front nine on a par 4 landed on the fringe and putted it in from there. My driver was not my best friend on the day as if it didn?t go into the right hand rough or further I over corrected and hooked it left. On to lunch I had a wors roll with some salad which was great and the drinks were nice and cold perfect for the break. Hole 10 I managed to hit my 3 iron down to the right but still in play leaving 160 odd but my game being so up and down I managed to hit my ball into the lake between me and the hole and took a drop just before the lake and low and behold I managed to hit that into the lake too and gave up on that one.
The 16th hole of the Glenvista Golf Course
The 11th hole I miss cue and a couple of fluffed shots ended before getting to the green. The 12th hole was were it all went pear shaped. I played my 3 iron and landed ok then hit the three again and landed in the trees. I almost didn?t find it but Lance spotted it for me about 10cm from the tree. I decided I was going to try a professional shot like they do on tv and fluffed it and just as was trying to hit it again I realise my sand wedge broke into three. I then tried to hit the ball with the third of my sandwedge and missed that too by then I just picked up the ball and threw it at the green leaving me out of the hole and out of a sandwedge. From then onwards I often landed near the hole needing my sandwedge but hand to make an alternative plan and either kill my lob wedge or softly hit it with my pitching wedge. No need to say it didn?t work out well with either.
Only on the 16th hole did things start coming right as I was not confident of getting my 3 iron over the water so I pulled out the dreaded driver and said to the guys it cant be bad all day and they said yeah it has to work sometime. It did and marvellously too. Started out straight and turning slightly to the left in the end. I couldn?t see the ball from the tee but they all assured me there was loads of space and the left and there was. I landed just short of the hole and there went my good hole over hit the ball and then took 3 shots just to get to the green. The next hole the driver came out to play again and perfectly too second shot just over 60 meters to the hole and eased my wedge just off the green and ended up with a 5 for 2 points.
The next hole was not so great and hooked it slightly I thought I was ok to reach the green from the opening but my swing didn?t agree and fluffed it and ringed out.
THE golf club!
The 17th gave me a great drive even the guys were surprised how well I hit it only landing 10 meters from the 4 handicapper ended up with a 6 for 2 there. The 18th my drive was almost better than I wanted perfect and landing just off the fairway 160 from the hole. I played my 5 iron in and landed on the road between the green and the tennis courts and took a drop. Since I didn?t have a sand wedge I tried the wedge and fluffed it twice and then eventually got just off the green on the back side and three putted for another ring. All in all I had a wonderful round with highs and lows lost around 12 balls and a sandwedge. I wasn?t too upset because I have a spare at home. Looking forward to calling David to arrange the next round and have asked him for prices on other courses too.
Thanks to all that arranged it and thanks to David and the guys at the beautiful Glenvista golf course for the lovely experience. ? ? ?
#MoneyMagic online course with @Fairygodmother - project me week 10
Numbers are an interesting thing.
At the same time that I'm doing my #MoneyMagic online course with @Fairygodmother, so my birthday is drawing closer. 40 is an interesting number and I've been filled with excitement about the turning of age. We all experience it, but some are more aware than others that our energy changes with each year as the numerology in our numbers change. Close to birthday time, as the energy of the numbers start to shift, so can emotions. I always get myself a little confused about how consciousness works and I think that because I know all about the numbers, I'm exempt from the emotional ride that happens before a birthday.
Well ... I'm not"
It's been even more fascinating watching my emotional turmoil collide with week 10 of the money course that has changed my life. This week is filled with dreaming and being positive. It's all about limitless imagination and all that money can give you.
I've done every bit of work set out in this 12 week program, and with only 2 weeks to go, I'm not quitting now. Of course, while hanging onto a thread and feeling all single and along in the world at (almost) 40. I really had to push the boundaries for three every special exercises this week. All based on imagination and expanding the potential of my relationship with money, while I was stuck in 3 days of no electricity (because that's how SA works sometimes) and internal turmoil, made for an interesting week.
To say I had to drag myself out of bed and to the shops to buy one piece of cardboard is no exaggeration. I took myself to my sister's house, where I could be surrounded by my gorgeous nephews, distracting noise and magazines.
I've done a visionboard before, but not based on money and not the way Fairy Godmother AKA Donna McCallum gets you to do it. 4 hours and dozens of pictures later, I had created it and was filled with limitless potential again.
The finished product ... now to visualise!
That was Saturday night.
Sunday morning was back to a dreary awakening, but luckily I have a much better relationship with both money and myself, so a great walk by the dam and breakfast with a good friend cheered me along enough to head into the next exercise. Visualising a life filled with abundance of every kind.
I can't believe I have 2 weeks left of this course and in that short time I have started saving, sorted all of my finances, have an investment plan and have just booked a holiday that has nothing to do with work ... because I'm worth it.
Granted, it's an emotional roller coaster ride that I didn't expect, but at least when my mind heads down the road of "why me", I now have a vision of happiness and abundance to distract it with.
#MoneyMagic with @Fairygodmother - Project Me week 9
I don't only learn lessons about money from working through the online course. Sometimes I have the privilege of spending time with Donna McCallum AKA Fairy Godmother, and when I do, I listen very intently because wisdom just flows. One of the things I have grabbed onto is the concept of letting things flow. Time, choices, work, happiness ... life! Of course, it's a concept that I intend to actually do a course with through Fairy Godmother, but in the meantime I have tried to be conscious of what I'm doing and how I'm going it. What springs up first? A crazy few weeks where I have hardly had any time to do what I want to do.
Oh my gosh, gasping for moments, I couldn't even commit to the Mondays I was giving the #MoneyMagic course and 9 weeks in, I started to see that my relationship with money is one and the same in the nurturing of myself. So I have another crazy few days (and I'm not complaining because I finally have clients paying me and working flowing my way) where I'm scrounging for time for myself.
Then I remembered 'flow' and took this morning to put everything on hold and just do what I want to do. My #moneymagic work! I've set aside two hours and I can't tell you how good it feels. Mainly because I have so many exciting things that I need to do around my relationship with money ... all thanks to the week 9 works that's been set out for me.
Mentors, coaches, support systems & financial advisors ... I've never had any of those and within a few days I have them all. What I love most about the process of any manifestation work is that, as soon as you set your intention something flows your way. The catch is to notice it and grab on with both hands. So while these mentors and people of greater financial savvy flow my way, I have been building a much stronger relationship with money.
I have been achieving incredible milestones!
I finished paying off my car and I can't tell you the amazing feeling that is. As soon as I posted it online I had mixed reactions of congratulations and people telling me to trade it in and start with more car payments. I am settled on keeping her for a long while and using that additional money to really work on savings.
Then there's that part of me who never spends on me and I really have done so well at bringing in some amazing clients for the business that when the opportunity arose to go away with a friend in November, I grabbed it. It's still scary for me to have to take money from the business (it's called a salary) and spoil myself, but I know that if I don't then the money won't flow. Money feeds off our energy and I am staring to show it how very excited I am to have it. So I'm booking my flights today ... eek and yay!!!
Talking about salary ... I took one! For the first time EVER in my 12 years of being an entrepreneur (granted it was across 3 businesses), I took my full salary in one swoop. I also sobbed as the transfer went through ... the combination of pride and fear. The relief that I now know I am on the right track and that #moneymagic has entered my life.
Attitude and action have been the key to my #moneymagic journey with Fairy Godmother. I started this course because I'm 40 in just a few weeks and I knew that I had to do something different in order to enter this exciting phase of my life with abundant happiness and faith in my future. Little did I know that this course would make such remarkable impact and I do know that it's because I have been committed and brave!!!
A brand new #moneymagic online course has just started and there are people on mine from all over the world, so wherever you are, now is the time! It's the best gift I have given myself in years along my #projectme journey!!