Still moving Girl on the Move - project me post 990
I'm on the other side !
Where is the other side, I'm sure a few of you are wondering?
So I lived with my ex and we lived with my mom. Then he moved on and it was just my mom and I. I always thought that I would be the one meeting someone and taking her with me, but it turned out that she met someone first and I had big decision to make. Because life never goes smoothly and choices are always coupled with challenged and fear, I was financially afraid to make huge decisions with so much indecision all around me.
In steps my oldest sister. The sister who it took the longest to get to know and build a solid relationship. But, she's here now and been my pillar of strength through this life changing time. After buckets of tears and all of my fears exposed, she jumped in with that emotionless (sort of a good thing) Gemini (aah, you know a few too!!) energy and pushed the drama aside while we figured out some logistics and rational solutions.
One thing that I have learned is that Madam Universe does make sure that there is support galore when life goes a awry and all we have to do is acknowledge it and accept it. I did just that ...
I have moved to the flat on my sister's property. I'm still living with my mom because it ended up that it wasn't time for her to move on like we all thought. Thank heaven's we made the plan B that we did ... and it has started off being a great one.
The flat is still in the process of being renovated and there are boxes piled to the ceiling, so we are staying in the house at the moment.
How are the cats, you ask?
Well, they are confined to the guest bedroom at the moment and are definitely not happy about not having a whole house to roam around in. I keep telling them that it's only a few more days, but it's taking much longer to get settled than I thought. At least our business is doing well enough for me to get the concept my business partner has been trying to teach me for years ... throw money at the problem. So I'm paying professionals to hang curtain, pictures ... you name it.
One thing I have learned (I think enough times in my life) is that I always end up doing things on my own, when I thought I wouldn't manage to. It has been tough going through the old house and finding so much stuff that my ex forgot to leave with. It's been that reminder of being single and not having that person to turn to make everything alright. Well, I do have that person to turn to ... me!!!
Still surrounded by about 40 boxes, but I'm really excited about the move. I get to grow up with my big sister and have my gorgeous twin nephews loving every moment of having me here. I haven't been settled in almost a year and I can the impact of it all ... my esteem has taken a knock, my eating has taken a nose dive into junk food hell, I feel skeptical about my faith in happily ever after and ... well, I'm ready for all that to change!
I'm 9 posts away from my 1 000th post and all I have been focusing on is what hasn't changed in nearly 4 years, but that's changing too. I can't even recognise myself and 90% of it is so positive. For a little while I was that person ... you know ... the one who focuses on the 10% and thinks life is cruel and my world is falling apart. You know that person, I'm sure.
Someone posted this and I wondered ... what if!! I somehow think Project Me has taken me too far down to ever ...
Girl on the move - project me post 989
I've never had such a long gap in blog posts before.
Maybe because I've never had to blog about such a tough time before.
Maybe because I haven't gone through such a tough time in a very long time.
I move house tomorrow!
That's already up there with the most traumatic life events, but it hasn't stopped there! Emotionally trying is the understatement of the year ... a year that seems to have put a lot of people through an a very tough time.
I'm the girl who believes that the sun, moon, stars and planets do impact our lives and while everyone was joking around about the end of the world in December last year, I was bracing myself for what I believe it truly means. The end of a consciousness and a new dawning of how we need to think and be as human beings. There's no time to go through life not taking responsibility for how powerful our choices are and there's no way we are getting through this without unpacking our past and only carrying with us what we need.
So the last few months have been all about unpacking the past. Issues have crept up that I should have put down when I was a little girl. I've cried as if I were a pre-teen and thrown tantrums as if I were a teenager.
Packing has dragged up stuff from my ex. Literally, shit that he left throughout my home. It's all made so much of my dad's stuff surface ... and I had to get rid of both. We can't cling on to material things and in my case, we can't burn them either. I've just had to gently let go.
It hasn't been all bad, but the good seems to have arrived at a time when it's taken more energy to appreciate it than I thought I had in me.
Our business is booming with new clients and I have found an assistant who has slowly begun to relieve me of work so that I can grow our business even further. Slap in the middle of my personal turmoil though ... Like really slap in the middle of it.
My diary is a marathon of meetings, training, events, being a guest speaker, flying to Cape Town, judging entrepreneurs ... all between packing up, moving, unpacking and settling in.
But do you know what I've battled with most of all? I've battled with the messages that all say the same thing: "It's you Jodene, you get through anything!", "Oh, you'll be fine, you always are!", "You're the strongest person I know, you'll get through this with ease" ...
This ... This person that everyone seems to know as so tough, together and fearless ... I feel like I'm still to meet her.
You're right ... you're all right ... I am and I will, but the last one to realise it me. I put myself though hell, feel like I'm going to crumble into a million peaces, get bitter and twisted when no one comes rushing forward to save me, can't see the light and have no idea how I'm going to make it through the day.
Then I do. I get it done and I get it done well.
It's amazing to see the world take chunks of time to focus on things like being grateful, when I have been ending my day finding at least one thing to be grateful for, for years. That's one of the key parts of Project Me and definitely what I believe this shift in consciousness is about.
There have been bleak days. There have been desperate days. There have been days when I have felt all alone in the world. there have been days I have felt like I will spend the rest of my days being all alone in the world ... but it always end the same. It always end with a touch of consciousness, a little bit of gratitude and a whole lot of faith!
It's been crappy and I'm petrified for the move tomorrow. I literally have my first night in my new space (with my mom ... we are moving to my sister's house and living in the flat there) and Friday morning I do training for a new client. I unpack on the weekend and have training for the next new clients on Monday. I organise the full social media publicity for an event next Monday and it must be done, while taking care of my current clients, 2 new clients and leave for Cape Town on Thursday.
Sometimes I'm hysterical and other times I'm excited. I think I can't then I know I can. I cry, then I laugh. I think I'm all alone in the world and then I feel so supported and loved ... I'm either going crazy or truly living.