How to know if you've had a good year - project me post 994

Very often, my best friend compares life to a roller coaster ride and presumes the analogy is a great one, however ... I hate roller coaster rides. On the other hand, I have really learned to love my life and can definitely relate it to the abundant joys of a kid in a theme park.

That's the one ingredient that as truly become the compass of my life and when I have a look around the theme park of life, I always hover to the things that will be unadulterated fun. Some people love hopping onto some scary ride that throws them upside down and swings them into G-Forces of ecstasy, while I look on and think they are slightly crazy.

On the other hand, I know that people look at me and can't fathom that my outlook on life and wonder how I choose what drives me and gives me the greatest pleasure.

To be honest, I needed a year of exploring the theme park of life with a little bolder and even braved a roller coaster or two.

I've bitched often. I've even said things like, "this has been a crappy year" and "I can't wait for 2013 to be over", which I still find myself thinking and saying. Social media has made everyone's thoughts and feelings much more transparent and I truly get the feeling that it's felt like one too many rides on the cup and saucer. It all seems like fun and then all of a sudden being tossed back and forward through life begins to just make you feel sick ... and want to get off.

Project Me is about many things, but at this time, it's kinda all about focusing on the gratitude.
Not gratitude for others or objects, but a real gratitude for oneself.

2013 has been a turnaround year for me. I'm sitting here with a mixed bag of all sorts of emotions, reflecting on a year where every aspect of my life shifted to some degree.
I started it newly single, broke, slightly petrified and most definitely faking the happiness more than living it.

My saving grace was my Project Me journey and the foundation I have taken years to establish. That saying that nothing is a quick fix is so true. I clung to what I had discovered in 2012 and either knew that I wanted to forge forward with some things or it was time to drastically change others. I call it setting my compass to happiness. It doesn't even know if you're sure what happy means to you or not, as long as you know that you deserve it.
I knew that happiness meant in my career, knew that my past relationship hadn't made me happy, that I wanted a better relationship with money to feel a new kind of happiness ... and so I went through all of the aspects of my life.

Project Me has really taught me that once you put a statement out there and life (the Universe or whatever you believe to be true) knows that you mean it, things begin to happen to shift you to that true north ... that happiness. That's what people are never prepared for. The shifts and the changes that are inevitable once we realise that we want more or deserve more.

This year literally felt as though I was turning a massive ship around ... with my teeth.
I'm not a small dreamer.
I want amazing things in my life filled with success that is written about. I want to be among the top in my field and I want the sexy car, expensive handbag, to hop on a plane and pop past a friend halfway around the world. My vision board has reflected that for years, yet manifesting it is a totally different ball game.

Then I got my first big Lifeology career break. It took me nearly 3 years of passionately blogging for the Joburg Theatre and doing anything to be noticed, to finally land myself as the social media publicist. What's that? Yes, I asked myself that very question right near the end of last year and I honestly believe that taking a risk and creating my own career path was a defining moment in my life. Now, one of the few (or only) social media publicists in SA, I was given the opportunity to live my dream and finally start to be paid to do what I love.
Just do one thing that scares you and the domino effect rolls through. That was one of my biggest realisation this year and after taking the bold step into the social media world, things just began to ripple through everything.

Almost immediately as the year began, Greggie (my business partner) was given an incredible opportunity, but it also meant that for the first time in business, I would be doing things on my own. Going to meetings, deciding on costings for clients, quoting clients, taking risks ... eeeeek! Can I say that I hated the start of the year?

Then I learned to rely heavily on two things ... myself and my GPS! Literally ... my directions suck!

By mid 2013 I was getting the hang of being a career woman, had completely forgotten to take care of myself on a personal level (mainly finances, family and food) and so it was time for yet another major shift.
In stepped my very own Fairy Godmother. No seriously ... Donna McCallum is mine and so many other's living, breathing Fairy G. We met. We hit it off immediately and she gave me the opportunity to do her Money Magic course. I thought it would be a great marketing stint for both her and me and so the blogging of the process began. Little did I know that the work would actually change my relationship with money and pretty much change my life. Within a few short months, I taking home a full salary for the first time as an entrepreneur, had signed enough retainer clients to end the year in a positive and start to enjoy the spending of some of the things I have had stuck on my vision board for years.

With Donna McCallum, AKA Fairy Godmother at the Joburg Theatre

With Donna McCallum, AKA Fairy Godmother at the Joburg Theatre

On the other hand, it's been a very rough and emotional ride with my family and my living situation. Far from a bed or roses, I have finally settled into the flat on my sister's property, still living with my mom and figuring out how to make it possible to allow a man into the less than ideal situation.
I gained back the 13kg I lost before I became single and am trying to figure out how to lose it without becoming goal obsessed. If you were around then, you will remember that I was losing it for my wedding ... yep, how life has changed.
After my ex was long gone, friends started to tell me stories of how he was contacting them while we were together. No one ever said anything to me and it put a damper and a aimless spoke into the wheel of a lot of my beliefs about friendship. Feeling more like a lonely year where work consumed and me and no one really made time for themselves or each other, I racked up points for the tough lesson of friendship.
I didn't have time I wanted or needed to pursue some of the dreams like making #FollowSA bigger and better or turning project me into talks and workshops.
Some weeks I found that I hardly had time to blog and really didn't do enough considering all the goings on of the year.
Men ... well, I didn't blog much (or at all) about the diabolical choices I made in 2013 and how I tried to rekindle a few flames that only left me burned and a little more scared all over again. It did define more of what I want through and although I'm heading into the new year a little jaded and a touch afraid that he's not out there ... I also know that wound will heal in time and some crazy fool will realise I'm just as foolish and exactly what he's looking for.

Tomorrow is a new year! It's also the 4th birthday of my blog and a fresh start according to numerology and all that I believe in. It's my year as a 40 year old woman, a successful chick and a free spirit! It's my chance to take all that I learned, gained and became in 2013 and turn it into more of who I am and more what of what I know I want and deserve. Who knows ... I might even go for a roller coaster ride!!

I am wishing you all an incredible 2014, filled with the joys of discovering yourself and your world around you. No matter whether you are aware of it or not, each day, I hope you live your Project Me story with your compass set to happiness!

The joy ride of 2013 - project me post 993

We live and learn, so I'm a bit disappointed at the way my HTC phone recorded my vlog, but I had a good time making so, I'm going to share....

What a difference a year makes - project me post 992

This time last year I was also wide awake. Listening to the birds singing at the start of a new day.
This time last year, however, I was waking up to the complete opposite of what I'm waking up to today.

Last night Greggie took me for dinner. Most of it was because we can, but a part of it was my need to celebrate. Amazingly, there's a part of me that personally thought the celebration was a bit ridiculous, but while sipping on a glass of wine, my bestie asked me if I remember where we were a year ago to the day.

I remember vividly!!
I was a shattered mess, sucking on rescue remedy, after waking up to the realisation that I was engaged to the wrong person. I was distraught and bewildered, despite the world around me thinking I was so brave to have told myself the truth. I was single again!!

I was also broke!!
Literally, the only client that we had, had forgotten that a small business actually does need to be paid before the year ends and Greggie and I were preparing ourselves for a festive season that we could hardly even muster up the pride to face.

A year ago, despite the world looking in and finding dozens of reasons to be proud of my Project Me journey ... I was a shattered girl holding onto a dream. Well, I was holding onto a few dreams actually. Well ... I was clinging on for my dear life.

Yep, I've bitched so badly about 2013!
I really have thought that this year was down right bitch to me, and on some levels that really has been true.

On the other hand, sitting across from my best friend last night and really reflecting on how very far our amazing business, Lifeology, has come and how much we have both shifted and grown.
I went out with the intention of toasting away a year of being single and came home having felt totally indulged in a night of gratitude and self reflection.

Honestly, when I planned this post in my head, it was filled with drama and reminiscing on a year that, on most days, I could bitch about. Instead, all I can reflect on is a year of opportunity, happiness, growth, abundance ... and all those other juicy words that we should all plaster on our vision boards and etch into our hearts.

Don't get me wrong ... I still can't wait for this year to be over! #JustSaying

Found under a pile of gratitude - project me post 991

I've been trying to find a moment to do this for nearly 2 weeks now. Sometimes it's been time, other times it's been chaos, but mostly it's been me hiding away from you. Not knowing how to get myself out from under the pile of stress, chaos and angst I've lost myself in has been the greatest challenge of all.

Put your hands up if the last 4 or so months of 2013 have been as emotionally taxing on you than you think they have been on me?

Mostly, it's great!!
The social media side of our business is doing so well that I can finally say we are flourishing. We have enough clients for next year to easily cover our expenses and, beside the odd trying moment, we have great clients too. I have a fantastic assistant and can honestly say that I managed to perfectly manifest what I want to do.

Well ...

What I want to do while I make plans for what I really want to do!
This Youtube video of the talk I did at #Gratitude200K will let you in on exactly what I'm talking about ...

I've missed talking so much. I can't begin to tell you how amazing it was to do what I love. Both the combination of public speaking and telling my project me story awoke something in me that I really have had to put on the back burner to get my career off the ground. ?At one point I felt this well of emotion wash over me and it was because I was doing what I love absolutely most in the world!

Um ... I was doing part of what I love doing. The other part is writing and I'm sure if you have been with me on my project me journey, you will know that a whole lot of what I do is because I have book to publish and more to write. That's who I want to spend my days ... public speaking and writing, in no particular order.

Of all the great wonders of being able to speak to a crowd, the one that stood out for me most was the theme around the event. Richard Simmonds has done so well to establish himself as a South African Twitter influencer who truly knows how to grow his following and network through his people. Marking his 200 000th follower was an incredible moment and so Richard hosted an event called #Gratitude200K.

At a time when I've been dealing with more family drama than a weekend omnibus of daytime soapies, I've had to settle into a new home where not one man in my life has had the follow through to help me hand a picture on the wall, I've eaten myself back to where I was about a year ago and finally have grey hairs sprouting from my roots ... now's the time I'm asked to talk about gratitude.

I'm not a good textbook girl so I don't get roped into the self help jargon that helps most people fake their way from one day to the next. When life's crap ... it's crap!!

It's been crap!!!
Yes ... I'm counting my blessings and proud of my achievements. I'm doing all the bla bla bla right things to do to not throw myself in front of bus or drown myself in a pool of my own tears.

But then ... I was asked to speak about gratitude.
Every way I wanted to start talk sounded like fake jargon and it took me hours of reflecting on what I actually felt grateful for to finally realise that I was grateful for gratitude itself.

Somehow ... every single day, I have been getting up and stepping out into the world, even though I have been telling myself that I just want to let everything be and hide away from the world. That's not me. This girl just doesn't have it me to let the ball drop or throw in towel. And then I felt the gratitude begin to kick in.

The more I thought about how I do drag myself out of bed each day and I how I do make sure that I meet every work ethic I put in place for myself and do go and have that dinner with friend, the more I realised that I rely heavily on gratitude.

Gratitude drags me out of bed each day. It reminds me of how far I have come and all that I still know I can achieve. It throws glimmers of light on everything from my potential published book to my potential love life. Despite the fact that both my book and my heart are shelved at the moment, there is something buried deep inside that always reminds me that neither will shelved forever.

I've been stressed and I've been hiding away from what I love most. I've forgotten what it's like to put myself first and take care of myself. In a nutshell ... I forgot what it takes to live Project Me!
On the other hand, I'm grateful that it took a forced moment of gratitude to put everything back in perspective and take the first steps to find myself again. This blog post ... is it!