Don't over fake it if you really want to make it - Project Me post 1077

When I'm at my nastiest to myself, I try convince myself that I have no right to share my story my story with the world, in the hope of Project Me becoming a realistic and workable "map" to surviving all the self help that's flooding the world.
I look at the others who are happier than me, further down the line than me, stronger, more organised, more accomplished and I find it difficult to rationalise why the world would want to take any kind of guidance from a woman who still has broken pieces and recurring life lessons.

Stuck is a place that I find myself in often. I burst forward with enthusiasm, blog about it, definitely make heaps of progress, but then I get in my own way again. How dare I write a blog post, write a book, get onto a stage and share my story, when pieces keep falling and I take two steps back many times?

I look around at the others who are guiding the human race through the maze of life and none of them seem like they have anything to still learn or work through. They forge forward, churn out book, blog posts, happy mantras, positive affirmations, perfect smiles. They aren't the only ones who do it ... my friends, my acquaintances and all the self-help, life coach, change masters never have a Facebook post that hints at sadness, fear or confusion.

I am the only one who gets lost in my very own messages that I know the world is waiting to hear? Am I getting it wrong because I have stumbled and fallen?

When last did you read a post or a book or an article from someone who has already been recognised in their field, and it's a confession of still having broken bits? If you have one, please share it with me, because it will make me feel so much better.

I've fallen quiet. Every day I remind myself that I am losing readers who won't wait around while I'm lost. I am getting messages from people, saying they don't see me Tweet or post a profound Facebook status and my page hasn't had any activity in a few weeks now. That's a true sign of allowing the flaws to show.

Yet, in my quiet times, when I question my very life purpose, there's no part of me that can fake it. Yes, I've faked other stuff, like walking into a room with a brave smile, when I was petrified inside. ?I've faked feeling pretty and soaring with success ... BUT I CANNOT FAKE HAPPINESS!!!

goshencommondsdotorgWhen a life purpose is filled with the calling to assist others with change, fears or guidance in their lives, I do not trust the ones who have faked it so much that they can't tell the truth about how happy they are .

Worse ... they don't know how happy they are because the faking has been so much that they don't know the difference between what they are teaching the world and what is really true. I don't care what anyone says ... no one is happy all of the time. No one fixed completely. No formula is perfected. No one mends broken to such a degree that you can't see the scars ... NO ONE!

Yes, we've become a generation who fakes happiness, success, love, strength, bravery to a point that is way beyond the affirmation that is supposed to reprogram and enlighten us. That's because everyone has forgotten about the conscious part ... the enlightenment part. Everyone is so stuck on getting to fixed that the formulas are half baked, the truths are just lies that someone said we should tell ourselves and happiness is as unsatisfying as a faked orgasm ... which some people have convinced themselves is the norm or is all that they are worthy of in their lives.

Happiness, just like the orgasm, should never be faked ... of which I've faked neither and today I know that's what will set me aside from all the rest. That's what my life purpose is all about, no matter how long it takes me to get there!

Confessions of a lost girl - Project Me post 1076

I haven't been able to blog for a while. I know I have these spurts of on and off writing and I can't believe the patience of my readers, but lately I have noticed that I don't have the same impact I used to have on the world. I haven't been invited to any social events in ages and things that I was a part of (some even deeply engrained in) I see are happening without in me, in the world of social media.

I only have myself to blame, because I haven't been active enough of late. I haven't said yes to just any event and I have had my own views on using the social networks to either save the world of boost our own agenda, and so I have fallen very quite. Twitter just isn't the same anymore. No one talks to each other. Everyone just favourites the impactful things that I put out there, when I would give anything for a Retweet. I get tagged into so many posts, and I do the Retweet thing, because I know that's what they are expecting, but when I tag the same ones in ... just a favourite.

My stats have dropped, but then so have my number of posts.

I'm not done telling my story yet. Actually, I haven't even begun, considering I still have the dream of Project Me being turned into a good and giving people the tools I have used to create this journey for myself. Yet, I'm stuck.

I could blame Mercury Retrograde, but that only started yesterday and I have been feeling this for months now. I feel like I have run out of things to say or that the world isn't going to notice the girl who doesn't play into the cliche of self help, like an overdose of positive affirmations, when my advice is to first tell yourself the ugly truth and then begin the hunt for just one thing that makes you happy each day.

What if someone out there has no clue what to stick on a vision board, because they have no vision at all. I have the answer to that ... yet, I'm feeling just as lost. I have gotten myself lost in what the world expects of me and I can't find my voice to say it different. The cornerstone of Project Me has come up to be tested once again.

I feel bad for not blogging for so long, both for me and for those who actually do get something out of Project Me story, so I'm doing one of the things I want to teach the world ... I'm doing one little thing different today. I'm blogging, when I feel like I have nothing to say.

When did the journey of self become labelled as narcissism? - Project Me post 1075

Sometimes it takes me a while to wrap my head around the world's perceptions and what is thrown onto social media, by all who are now judge, jury and prosecutor. I am constantly wondering whether we got worse as humans or if we are only noticing it now because of the millions of Tweets that anyone can throw into the world.

I'm usually sitting on the sidelines and empathizing with the latest victim of the self appointed critic, but not so long ago, I was on the receiving end of the malice that is rife in social media.

After returning from my USA trip and having shared my story, with such passion and self pride, because it is the cornerstone of #ProjectMe, I was called a narcissist on Twitter. My favorite part of the story is that I've never engaged with this person and they weren't even following me.
Now I'm going to judge and presume.

I'm going to presume, that in a string of a few dozen Tweets, this person's followers were posting quotes from other people, asking for Retweets of someone less fortunate than themselves, re-posting an image of dead bodies or rescued ones or ripping to shred the latest victim of social stoning.
I've been a happy Tweeter since early 2009, but to be honest, it's become a place filled with all the wrong intentions. My favorite was chatting to new people from all around the world, some of who I'm still friends with today. I haven't made a new friend or genuine connection in well over a year, because people aren't there for that anymore.

Admittedly, I'm there to share my #ProjectMe story, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm holding up the white flag to people's egos and saying it's okay to put yourself in a Tweet. Actually, it's okay to put yourself first in the world.

project me narcassism and self love?Unraveling what it means to be a narcissist is supposed to clinically diagnosed, as if you were manic depressive or OCD. It's now become a term that's bantered around and is only causing more judgement, because how much is enough self praise, self love, self respect, self worth when the whole word is waiting to make sure that you save a kitten, a puppy, a tree, give a homeless meal to someone else ... is that before or after you feed yourself?

This is why I haven't been able to write for a few days ...
Because if I don't say this I'm going to explode or turn my passion for #ProjectMe and love for social media into a pool of resentment and I love myself too much to do that.

At some point, social media turned the world's attention to what makes the new hero or who has the loudest voice, in the mass noise of millions and everyone started to fight for that attention, figuring out the way to shout the loudest. Two things seem to have stood out most ... save the world all on your own or be tagged as the person who managed to coin the nastiest comment about another human being. I really haven't been able to see much else going on in the world of late. In that light, I would have to fess up and admit to being a narcissist, because I don't want to do either.

I know my following is big and I can't begin to tell you the number of messages and Tweets I get a day, all where I've just been randomly tagged in, in the hope that I will Retweet someone else's post about their plight to save the world or show that they are more charitable or compassionate than the rest. Sadly, those same people never Retweet a blog post of mine or favorite a picture of my expression of self love, because I think they are too busy searching the news channels and waiting for the next tragedy to strike or human to flounder, so they can jump back up and fight their way into the limelight.

I give to charity. I do my bit for the world and I am determined to make both my mark in it and a difference to it. My social media presence has and will always be the same ... it's me, in my world, sharing my #ProjectMe story, in the hope that some people catch onto the message and give themselves permission to put themselves first and not have to play into the expectations of the masses.

My parting thought and #ProjectMe lesson:
If you have not filled your own cup first, with self ... love, worth, respect, money, patience, kindness, happiness, abundance, then you have robbed yourself of all the world has to offer you. Once that cup if full, it will run over and you will be able to give of charity and kindness in any form, but you will also be so fulfilled that you will never feel the need to let anyone know what you have done. Then you will shine bright and people will make you as the one who truly changed the world.