I have had one of those days where I've done as little as possible in?preparation?for a big day ahead for the business tomorrow. I have totally lost the sparkle in my personality and was hoping that a day of chilling out would make it better but today is one of those days. I can't remember when last I felt so out of sorts, out of my league, out of character and out of touch. So I'm blogging in the hope that I watch myself speak my mind it chips away at some of the issues I have managed to accumulate that are overshadowing the sparkling me.
The ruby's not helping either, but that's a whole different issue. Today's more about me, a dress and a whole lot of issues. Well, not a whole lot ... just one big one ... the body!
So I get brave and buy a dress for the tea for CANSA tomorrow at 93 on Jan Smuts. The dress is clearly a huge step for me or I wouldn't be blogging about it?insistently. I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl but that wouldn't be appropriate for the very special occasion that the team at 93 on Jan Smuts have put together. I've tried the dress on for my mom, her best friend, Greggie and myself and we do all agree that it might be totally out of my character but I look pretty.
My bum does look like J-Lo's if you are looking at it through a magnifying glass ... how rude, but that is the voice of the low esteem. Or is it? It's all an issue and I have had the whole day to make a big or a little thing about it.
I'm trying to work out whether it's helping or hindering that Greggie has this sparkling personality and is so excited for tomorrow and the?possibility?of television coverage. Actually, I have no reason to stress at all because Greggie is the one who is talking on behalf of Lifeology. I just have to take a few pics, smile and wave. Pity my ego keeps throwing a whole lot of issues in my face and trying to throw me off guard.
Of course I'm stressed about how my back is going to hold up. Before I get anywhere I spend a few days worrying about how I'm going to wake up feeling, what kind of seats there will be and how sore my back will be. The more the pain the less my personality shines through. To make matters worse the guy that I thought I was so not compatible with has been chatting to me and left the ball in my court to make a time for him to fetch me for coffee next week. Now I'm freaking out because I don't feel great about myself (even though everyone including my hairdresser says I'm looking great). More issues ... fantastic!
Tomorrow has its trials but it also has its tough moments. I'm excited to be having breakfast with my high school friends. One of which is Angie who lost her sister Mel to cancer a few weeks ago. It's an early morning breakfast to a venue I can't drive to so I have to catch a lift with my brother and ask him to hang around the area for an hour or so. I'm dealing with having to face the sadness but also have my own issues of having to ask for help.
My poor brain! I've been driving myself nuts today and I can feel the tension building in my back, which doesn't help my body at all. So I'm about to climb into bed and watch Julie and Julia with my mom. After all, that' where the idea of the 'project me' blog was born 😉
PS ... if you find my sparkling personality, please get it back to me by 3pm tomorrow!