In a time where I'm trying to focus less on being so goalless about my website rankings and more on being purposeful about the reason why the rankings are important, I'm finding myself surrounded by ranking chaos. Just as I settle my heart about one thing, then another creeps up. This time in the form of Alexa stats. I'm naturally?competitive and have had to work very hard this year at not allowing that cloud my purposefully, goalless year. Then don't throw stats in my way when I'm like 200,000 behind.
It's fair to say that the body is all confused because the tattoo triggered a girlie cycle a week early ... and hey, the week has passed. Please, please ... don't go through that again dear body! One bout of pms is bad enough. I know symptoms well ... it feels like I have neurosis, everything can make me cry and I always feel like the 'gods and all their little helpers' are out to get me.
Of course I would have created a bug in my alexa set up and a huge yellow warning triangle with a black excalmation mark in my Google stats. Oh, and for good measure, Greggie would be higher in the rankings for 'my word' ... manifest ... after doing nothing at all. That's not me talking ... it really is the pms! The pms that is pissed off with no-one really, but just needs something to obsess over and freak out.
Sometimes obsession proves fruitful though because I went on a mission to take my new blog to another level and sent messages out to my fellow bloggers and a few friends telling them that I have to have 20 followers in order to be noticed as an official blogger for a Facebook app called networkedblogs. It's true ... I promise. That struck up an awesome conversation with someone about how we can get fellow bloggers to support each other and now I'm hoping to get involved in that ... woo hoo.
It also led me to a blogger friend from the US who writes about movies. I noticed that he was watching 'District 9' and felt so proudly South African, that I send a little 'woo hoo'. That simple gesture of excitement sparked the request for me to write something about being a Jo'burger and so closely attached to he movie: District 9. I hate alien movies, except ET of course, but was so strongly compelled to watch the movie because of my passion for South African and the pride I felt at all the exposure it received. As aliens go ... they were ugly enough and I spent a decent amount of time watching through my half open eyes and peaking through my fingers. No ... it wasn't scary, but aliens are gross and I like pretty. The bottom line though ... it was so wow! Some of it because I certainly didn't expect such brilliant acting and filming, but also because it was right there in my neighbourhood and I could relate to so much ... good or bad!!!
Both those incidents taught me something about myself. Try less and just 'be' more and networking comes to you. Awesome lesson seeing as I don't pride myself in being a great networker.
Arriving for work with anxiety in on hand and frustration in the other is never a good combination when I'm trying to make Greggie's birthday week special and when birthday times always bring about questions and life changing moments for the birthday person. My birthday person is going through those very things and I didn't feel equipped to help. The problem is, some of them involve the direction of the business and what we are trying to achieve. Years ago Greggie and I went to a talk by one of our inspirations, Mike Dooley, and he reminded us not to worry about the 'hows'. Everything is easier in theory, but the 'hows' have come up and had to spend the better part of the day aiming ourselves in the set direction of our compasses.
It goes like this ... self worth is about the knowing of who we are and that is very set. That is the compass that points in the direction of our dreams and we know exactly what those are.
Self esteem is less of a sure part of us and wavers from time to time and sometimes from moment to moment. So we both seemed to be having a wavering day at the same time.
The best part about living consciously and making sure that it's all about fun and no so goalless, is that we get excited about what the 'low self esteem' moment is trying to show us. So we did what we do best ... make tea and eat! Ok, and sit down with our laptops, some paper and our dreams.
As we were writing down ideas, the little voices from 'out there' began to get annoying loud and told me to just say it! Just say, "Where's that old course I did years ago and threw in the cupboard?" Hmmm ... I actually did that. I've told you about this side of myself, where I teach something for a fleeting moment and then think it's time to move on to rescue the next set of people with the new set of teaching tools. Well what about the very good set of tools that I created years ago? Yes, I can see how my self esteem has shifted since I initially created that course ... but the domino effect that it sparked created a day where Greggie and I could end it feeling full of direction, knowing that we've been following the compass the whole time and ready to 'do' without worrying so much about the 'hows' at all.
I'm excited for the week ... pms, confused body and all! Oh ... did I mention scabby?
I can't see my tat, but the combination of dramatic pms and itch has created an image in my mind that my gorgeous goddess is flaking flaking like a gross alien. Holy moly, it's itchy! Yes, Nikki, I know you told me it would be, but the healing process is officially a little unpleasant. I know ... the itch is good, but as Greggie pointed out, that's a silly thing for the gods to have done. Made the one thing that you can't scratch ... itchy!
In my creative head, the gods and all their creations sit ?and watch our lives like movies and for entertainment throw a little chaos here, irony there and WTF along the path to. So, with all my stressing and carrying on, why do I have a record day when it comes to hits on my blog????
Woo hoo ... I went over the 400 mark for the first day ever. Some of them are crawlers ... which is great because it's also increasing and readers are staying longer. WTF ... all the stressing and hits are increasing! And the gods giggle!
In my excitement, I speak to Genuine and we share our day's events with each other. For two people who haven't me, the conversation flows and we totally get each other's humour. Now if only he would get the excitement of my day. 'What is blogging?' asks my 44 year old! Hmmmm ... I've attracted someone who isn't sucked into the collective of technology. He's not on Facebook and although he owns a Blackberry, he clearly didn't know how to read the 'good night' message I sent him, considering it's been delivered but unread! Of course I giggled and called him 'old'! None the less ... and I'm a bit apprehensive to say this, for fear of disappointment ... I like him!