I had a day planned. It was all very spiritual and ritualistic. It involved spring cleaning on so many levels. It's now nearly 3pm and I'm sitting in the midst of a mess and some chaos ... none have anything to do with spring cleaning.
I Googled before I blogged and yes, birthday blues are legit. They exist and now matter how we try and fight them, they kinda hang around at this time. So they are here and have been for few days. No, who am I kidding, they have been here for a few weeks. It's amazing that one thing emotional seems to make all the other every day chaos seem like it's impossible to handle.
Maybe that's just me and I'm not taking away from the tough woman that I am, but everything has seemed like it's going to bring me to cracking point and then it doesn't. On the other hand, I wish it would. All I've wanted to do over the last few days is cry, fall over and get a whole lot of sympathy. Yet, everyone around me just keeps praising me for all I have achieved, how I've touched their lives and how much they admire the grace and excitement that I'm approaching 40 with. Damn, it's been frustrating ... so I did what I do best.
I ate ice cream!
It's a few hours after I started this post and in the midst of much frustration I got up, climbed in the car (in my pajamas) and went to buy ice cream. I don't think I had one thought. I just drove there, got vanilla ice cream, drove home, ran a bath and while it was running I dished up 2 bowls.
One for my 30's and the other for my 40's!!
I lit sage, because everyone should know that sage can get rid of anything. While the incense burned, I climbed into the bath and began my made up ritual. One day I'll do a blog just on how simple a ritual can be and that most of us do rituals without being conscious of it, but let me not get distracted.
The first bowl of ice cream I ate while chatting to my 30's. I reflected back on the decade and how it changed me and helped me grow. I thought about so much, from my new born business to my first steps in the spiritual world of my beliefs. I thought of the fire that tore down my family home with my business in it, but how that all built me up and made me stronger. I thought about my weight and how it was up then down and then up and then down and how it finally settled into something I could live with. I lost my dad and found love but I lost that too. I ended a friendship of nearly 2 decades but I made friendships of new priceless majesty.
As paused and before finishing the first bowl of ice cream, I imagined my 30's as the foundation for an incredible decade to come. I said my last few thank you's and really praised myself for all of my happiness, achievements, dream come true and overcoming fears, challenges and the turmoil of life.
I then swapped bowls and while indulging on the second I chatted to my 40's. I spoke about all that I plan to achieve in the years to come. ?I savoured every mouthful and talked to my 40's about love, career, health, travel, successes and everything in between. I felt the excitement well at all the plans and I spoke with confidence and determination and felt myself build my dreams on the foundation of my 30's.
Mouthful by mouthful, I picked myself up and with a ritual that was made up (mainly as any excuse to eat ice cream) I picked myself up out of my blue misery and feel the bubble of joy coming back as I spend the last few hours in my 30's!!!
As I read this I was eating ice cream. Almost your happy happy birthday!