These past few days have been pretty memorable for 'project me'.
It's not often that I get myself into a space that I battle to get out after a good dose of self reflection, a good chat with a friend or some ice cream. Granted, I didn't try the ice cream bit considering it's sis's wedding this time next week and part of my crisis is how mean I'm being to myself about my lack of excessive weight loss. Did you note I said excessive? Not that I'm not losing, but when a downer hits it seems that nothing is good enough.
If I didn't have the fighting spirit, the belief that I can manifest my reality and that everything is as it should be, the 'project me' would not exists. So to find myself in this WTF space where I am considering finding a day job ... well then this day surely needs to be noted because it surely will be?refereed?back to ... after I have gotten over myself and found success of course.
NOT that I don't feel successful already and I know I have been going on about this a bit and it even sparked some debate on my Facebook page. Yet, the truth is that some self esteem does lie in the money we make. It's brilliant that I have the recognition and the respect I do. It's incredible that my personal blog has grown in such numbers and I have international followers. It's awesome, it's incredible, it's magical, it's unexpected, it's ... not paying the bills!
Oh boy ... it's come down to this ... money issues!!
No doubt that puts a damper on the entire day. Even one spent with my precious friend, Hustler Girl, who was as supportive and encouraging as ever. So much of what she said is right and I know that this has nothing to do with me not living what I am passionate about ... that's easy. This is about putting myself out there with a big voice and using the whole of my being - my wisdom, my teaching ability, my presence, my personality and my way of living.
It is unique ... I AM UNIQUE! Yet there's something I'm not doing in my highest esteem and stressing out, pushing harder or being unkind to myself is certainly NOT going to fix it!
It's Sunday and under normal circumstances, when I am having a shit day, I would do some sort of work to make up for anything I might be missing. Well isn't that just being mean to me? It's Sunday ... I'm allowed to rest! The workaholic in me is obviously freaking out ... but it is Sunday and most of the world takes at least one day and gives it all to themselves.
I'm saying it, but can I do it in the space I'm in? Well, bookmark this day and hold your breathe for an update on day 403.