Bound to happen - project me day 288

17 October 2010

I might be blogging but I don't feel like it. I think I just feel like showing the world that I do get that low and that frustrated. I do want to throw in the towel and not carry on. I know I don't have it in me to let this feeling last forever but I usually wait to give myself a pep-talk before I sit down and blog. This is pre pep-talk!

This is me that is so pissed off with the slow process it's taking to heal. I'm frustrated that I will only be able to blog for a few minutes before my body gets tired. I'm even feeling a little ungrateful that a few days ago I couldn't even sit.

I tried to read today and that was too sore.
A guy called to ask me out for coffee and I had to tell him I couldn't go for a few weeks.
I am going to visit a family friend tomorrow to chat to her about my novel and now I don't even want to go. The thought of sitting in someone else's home and not knowing if I'm going to be comfortable is so daunting.
They security system for my car keeps going off because I haven't driven my car in so long and it's such a mission for my brother to start ?my car for me ... I hate asking favours as it is.
I'm eating two minute noodles again, that went from yum to so gross!
If I take one more tablet I'm going to throw up! Nice one seeing as though I have 2 more repeats of painkillers and anti-inflammatories to get through!
Did I mention the nightmares and weird dreams? Have I said that I haven't had one decent night's sleep in about two months. This from the girl who used to put my head on my pillow and be out for the counting in 5,4,3, ...zzzzzz

I'm actually sick of being positive!
I am sick on thinking about the power of the mind and the journey of my soul. I don't care about my life lessons and how I am teaching others along the way!

Today is the lowest of low and I am blogging about it when I don't even thing 'project me' is worth the effort and when I think this whole blog is and was a dumb idea!

This is usually the point that I get positive and I can hear my brain shouting positive messages at me already, but I can also feel my body begin to ache, so I'm allowing myself this totally down and miserable moment (not day) and leaving it at that!

Oh ... and I've lost a day of this blog so besides not wanting to blog in the future I still have to catch up a day from the past ... go figure!

14 comments on “Bound to happen - project me day 288”

  1. Hey Joe,

    The road ahead is never ment to be plain sailing and a moment of self pity can be great. There is a light at the end of the road ....your perserverance gives many of us stregnth when we cant carry you stax!

    1. Thank you so much for the special comment my friend! You are an inspiration to me too and thank you for giving me the permission to have that moment of self pity. It's a great lesson of mine!
      I hope you are recovering like a champ too! Oodles of love!

  2. Okay... stop the train... Where's that awesome pill? :-/

    You most likely feel that you'll rattle if someone shakes you about from all those pills. I'm willing to bet that they too are very much the cause of some very weird dreams.

    Wondering if "Project Me" was a dumb idea... well... to think you simply wouldn't even have had this idea to think of dumb not that long ago.

    Although, I'll agree with the 2 minute noodles :p

    Hang in there. It's not so much looking too far ahead but looking back and realising just how far you've come. No wonder you're tired.

    My recent post Out of Reach

    1. I thought about you and the awesomeness pill a lot yesterday ... it just felt like another pill sadly! Today I'm much better though!
      It might not have been such a bad idea to give myself a moment of hopelessness to build myself up more again. I think it was the weekend and I knew everyone was out there have such a great time and I was stuck inside! I need sunlight ... BADLY!!

      As for 'project

    2. Oops ... I pressed enter in mid sentence 😉
      As I was saying ... As for "project me" ... that's like choosing not to breathe, it's too much a part of me to stop now!

      1. Hmmm... well...

        "Forget the ring. The ring is pumpkin. I found it in a Cracker Jack box. The Schwartz is in you, Lone Starr. It's in you." 😉

        Okay, so that's stolen from "Spaceballs the Movie" (not to be mixed up with the other merchandise). But... to paraphrase, the little pill is in you... just gotta tell it to work. 😀

        Oh and that was from Yoghurt and not Yoda this time... hehehe...

        My recent post Out of Reach

        1. Me thinks I have to re-watch space balls the movie ... if I ever watched it the first time around! Don't look so horrified! 😉

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