So 'project me' is about making it all positive right? It's about taking anything that happens and being conscious about it and finding the value in it? It's about putting me first and making sure that my needs and happiness are my own priority?
Interesting, because tonight I'm kinda going 'um' about myself and I don't do that very often. Yep, I'm doubting how nice a person I am.
Actually, I'm trying not to get confused between what I know I deserve and being too guarded by my insecurities. Me? Insecurities?
Alright, so when it comes to date there are a few. I'm battling to let go of the past and not paint all men with the same brush ... there, I've said it. I've told myself and the whole world the truth.
What the hell am I on about? Well, I got stood up today.
After waiting way past the 'date' time, he finally popped onto Skype and acted as if nothing was wrong. When the defensive and very nasty bitch emerged he was horrified ... only to realise that he had totally thought the 'date' was for tomorrow. I've been stood up before. I've been second best before and I've had my fair share of Casanovas, so I decided hours earlier that I wasn't going to meet him.
Honestly, the timing is very interesting. After ending it with Mr Big I decided that I am more than willing to wait for a guy who actually does want to commit. No more half hearted commitment phobes. No more great shags and no more cheating, lying men. Then what do I attract? Someone who forgets he's even got plans with me.
Oh, I can be the Ice Maiden. Just ask Second Chance ... because he's actually getting one.
The reality is ... I'm not cold hearted and?ruthless. I'm actually very soft hearted and can't have it hurting?unnecessarily. The bottom line is that I am old fashioned. I don't want to be asked on a date via Skype. Call me dammit ... it's the polite thing to do. I might sound demanding but I'm just as old fashioned about relationships. Not only old fashioned ... I'm a bit of a romantic too.
I spent a lot of this morning thinking about Mr Big. We might not have been on the same page with what we wanted from a relationship, but he called me. He always called me. He never asked me out via SMS. We spoke for days before our first 'date'. Amazing ... my big issue with him was that he didn't communicate enough but now I realise that in comparison, he did a damn fine job.
I want that ... I want to be asked out with a phone call. I want to hear a voice, see a face and in this day and age it seems so rare to find.
So I'm not that cold hearted bitch that refused to give a guy a second chance. I'm that old fashioned girl that melted when I got a proper call to say sorry and to ask me out for lunch.
If this is me getting 'project me' right, which I believe it is, then I am old fashioned and I know that it's worth the wait!
Not too much to ask, is it?
On a much lighter and precious note, tonight Greggie got to meet my very special friend China Doll from Hong Kong. But there are pics and stories to share and that's for tomorrow's blog.
PS ... I couldn't post this blog last night because my laptop died, or fainted! Sadly I can't get it started today so thanks mom and thanks technology that everything is online. Now start praying for the health of my laptop or find me sponsorship for another one 😉
PPS ... This is actually IS still having fun!