Counting calories and age gaps - project me day 107

18 April 2010

I'm blessed ... I stood in the 'able to laugh at myself' queue when choosing my character traits. If not, yesterday might not have been nearly as much fun.

Besides waking up by little hands of my nephew shaking me and letting me know that his twin nephew was scaring the cat. I battled to hear his cries over the shrieking of the parrot, who's clearly not thrilled that my oldest sister dropped off the new kitten (the cat called Mouse) and the boys for the entire weekend. My mother always adds to noise level in the bazaarest of ways because she's "shhhhhh'ing" everyone around me in the hopes that I won't wake up.
I don't mind being a light sleeper or the chaos around me. Actually, I love it all of a sudden. I've come such a long way since 'project me' started. I fought giving up my home and moving back to my mom to relieve the money issues. Now, I'm actually settled and can feel how well it's serving me to be surrounded by family and love. If I were living at home I'd have to be a workaholic ...

Chaos settled and the focus on blogging, eating super healthy to save up calories for my gathering with friends later and strategically trying to slot gym into my day ... I realised how much change has occured in the past four months.
I can't believe how much I'm enjoying counting calories! No, seriously. I'm so aware of the value of quantity and think I'm coming to realise just how much my body needs to fuel itself. At the back of my mind, I needed at least double the amount of food to sustain my body. Don't you love the power of the mind? It is so in control of my tummy!
I'm nervous about the weight loss though and won't settle myself until I get the blood tests back. A part of me is even more nervous because if all the tests are fine ... then I have to admit that I've purely been over indulging in food ... no matter how healthy I think it is! Hmmm ... is quantity key after all?

I'm so loving that super circuit ... there are seriously no words. Of course my mind battles to settle down while doing gym, even though I have the ipod in the ears. So, the whole time, I'm counting how many reps I've done and working out how many calories I think I'm burning. Yesterday, while huffing and puffing and very grateful that I was alone in the deserted ladie's section of the gym, I decided that I wasn't doing enough. Twenty five minutes needs to be pushed to over half an hour ... and then I could see a glitch in 'project me'. That is not goalless at all and I also can't justify the purpose. One day I will wake up and want to train for longer, but until then pushing is only going to be self sabotage on the fun!

Yay ... time to go shopping with Greggie and create one of my salad masterpieces for the friendly braai. I love making salads and am kinda known for my creative flair. Never mind the fact that we were running late because our precious friend lives in the middle of nowhere ... I mean, like so close to the airport that you can hear the planes take off and land. I've said it before ... if I can't see the big green triangle close to my house ... I'm way to far away from home.
While I'm thinking in need a passport to travel to the next suburb, I'm met by a 17 year Texan ... I have to say girl 'cause that's really so young! Gosh ... she's just a little girl. Yet, she's travelled all by herself and she's only visiting South Africa, but actually working in deepest, darkest Africa. Firstly, I felt old! Secondly ... I felt like I still had so much to do to make a difference in the world! That's low self esteem right there ... I had to sit quietly and remind myself that we all have our own life journey and that age does not make the man!

I mean ... really, Jodene! I have all these incredible plans for the Lifeology and am on a total mission about the social networking. I'm so excited that I had to battle to not talk work to Greggie on the long and winding trip to the middle of nowhere.
I have to learn not to be so hard on myself ... the children's website hasn't even been born yet and Step Aside is just a baby!
I know my personality ... I can get obsessed and want to rush the novel. Poor Ephineah ... I can't the fun out writing my first novel in a long line of best sellers 😉

Age gap hit me once again when it was all revealed and yet another cool chick of the evening announced that she was ten years younger than me. Ten years ... OMG!
That would be all good and well if she wasn't talking wedding plans. Hmmm ... the single life creeps up again. Even though us girls jabber jabbered like crazy and I could see Greggie twitching to leave while I thoroughly enjoyed all the girl talk ... I did have a constant hovering question!
Is my age just freaking me out when it comes to my choice about seeing Mr Big again? We have no intention for a relationship ... we both know that ... but is a part of me really stuck in that collective of freaking out that I'm not in a long lasting intimate relationship?

40 comments on “Counting calories and age gaps - project me day 107”

  1. Hi, l love your daily rant albeit shallow ramblings,- it brings back memories of Cape Town and it's men shortage resulting in most women being self obsessed and fixated on things like dieting, new hair do's , plastic surgery, pink sports cars and fitting in with their bitchy friends and significant others. l have this old girlfriend in Cape town who l keep in touch with who spends half her time with this guy in his flat with the other half alone in her flat and when l asked her if the relationship was serious she answered with typical CT. wit, "oh no,- he's just my "pomp" for the days in the week when l have nothing else to do,-- and while l look" around".......

    Keep it up, you make up for all that with your writing style which makes compulsive reading. l am sure that you have more self confidence than your writing implies and would like to read you blog more about others and your observations of them. You are at your best when you do that, dieting and self loathing is becoming tiresome now., you need to up the anti!

    1. Hahaha ... shallow ramblings! And here I thought that I was bearing my soul. I'm so grateful for the compliment in the writing style ... and you get kudos for you honest!

      The reason why I started 'project me' and this blog is because I know that the one thing I do have on my side is my self love. It's the big difference between self worth and self esteem. The worth is like the roots of the oak tree that cannot be swayed and the esteem are the leaves that bend in the wind! My worth stands strong and I've learned to listen to the ego as tries to trip me up ... to no avail!!

      Remember ... I'm not dieting ... that's the whole point. I had lunch with a friend today who is dieting and I sighed a huge happy one know that I'm merely watching what I put into my mouth without taking out the fun or depriving myself of anything ... goalless but fun!

      Thanks for your support ... it's so awesome to hear the comments and reflect on the advice, encouragement and honesty!

    1. I'm doing the best I can! Thanks for the encouragements! As I always say ... all you ever need is one person to believe in you!

  2. In the words of my grandma "You're only as old as you feel", and she felt in her 20's when she was 82. Age is just a number to me, and I truly don't believe that once you hit a certain age you are out of time to do something amazing. You have plenty of time to do things you want to do Jodene, don't let age stop you from it! You may think/feel that those girls have accomplished more and they're barely out of the nursery, but think of all the things you've experienced that they have yet to? You really do have the upper hand;).

    It's fun to experiment with recipes to make them healthier and create your own concoctions. Keep up your hard work! I wish I could go to the gym every day...or once a week ha if only. I know you can do it.
    My recent post Twilight done

    1. Hey hun .. firstly ... I can't comment on your latest post because I haven't read the Twilight series at all and you specifically said not to read further if I had not read it ... tee hee.

      Thanks for the encouragement my friend ... It is great to learn to watch myself and see how the ego tries to trip me up. I am, however, getting into the swing of knowing the difference between the rantings of the ego and pure low self esteem ... I think I kept it pretty high, despite the noise in my head!

      If you had spoken to me at the beginning of the year I never would have said that I would have thought gym would be fun ... I'v amazed myself!

      Say 'Hi' to Bo ... I hope you guys are all well and he is recovering more and more each day!

  3. Age gaps! You should try my office sometime. All my partners in crime are in their very early 20's basically 10 years younger than I am. Okay, so mentally we're still on the same level... but that's another story.

    Feeling old, sometimes. Especially on those cold winter mornings when the bones don't want to play along. But hey, I've earned those aches and pains!

    As for food, quantity will always be the key. After all, grass makes the cow fat!
    My recent post Coma White

    1. Tee hee hee ... grass does make cows fat ... loving that one!

      I'm so lucky that I don't feel my age ... saving grace! And, I don't mind getting older .. especially considering my absolute love for birthday parties! Getting older is the price to pay for all that fun and excitement!

    2. I can't believe the difference changing the quantity of food has made ... although I was right about a thing or two in the blood tests ... but that's for today's blog 😉

      My knees ache ... but that's because they popped out of their sockets when I was young ... I'm put together with chewing gum ... tee hee

  4. I wish more people would write blogs like this that are actually interesting to read. With all the garbage floating around on the internet, it is refreshing to read a blog like yours instead.

    1. Thanks so much for the compliment ... I'm loving the blogging and who knows, maybe I'll give up my day job to do this full time ... tee hee!

  5. Hello just thought i would tell you something.. This is twice now i've landed on your blog in the last 3 days hunting for completely unrelated things. Spooky or what?

  6. The layout for your blog is a bit off in Galeon. Nonetheless I like your web site. I may have to install a "normal" browser just to enjoy it. 🙂

    1. It has taken many years to gain the confidence to blog with such ease. Keep going and you'll get into it and not obsess over the minor details soon enough. Enjoy blogging

  7. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post

    1. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and for finding my reading interesting. It's always an inspiration!!

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