I'm doing my best at keeping the blogging up, but it seems that 'project me' is throwing me things on a daily basis that prove just how consciously I am living. Today was one of those days for so many reasons that I literally feel as though I cut the cold from the old me and set myself free.
I'm sitting here trying to type and it's killing me so I've decided to look into getting that voice to type software. I know that ?everyone says its hard to train it but I honestly believe its the way to go so that I don't hurt my back and I carry on writing. I miss all the writing so much but I don't feel the old workaholic stressing out like usual.
The doctor's check up was today and I was pleasantly surprised. I spoke to my friend who had the appointment in the morning and she has to have the injection again so i got myself in a state. For whatever reason she needs the procedure and I have to take anti?inflammatories?for two weeks and go back to him. It was rough to share that news with her but we are forming a friendship and I know that no matter what we will stick through this together. I'm taking my healing so seriously and it's put a whole new spin on 'Project Me'. I just need to sort my head out after my day today and then I can tell you some of my plans in the next few days.
I can see how far I have come because I am still seeing all the positive ... oops ... that's for a few days time because I made a very big decision today and did one of the hugest things I have ever done in the whole of 'project me' and that's what I want to share you ...
I ended it with Mr Big today!
I finally cut the greatest cord of all!!!
I decided to do it at Sexpo when I was doing my talks about self esteem and this incredible intimate partner and I felt sick every time I spoke about my 'friend with benefits'!!
I deserve more than that and I realised that he's been my safety net for too long. He carries on out there and sees other girls and I try but I can't do the shagging anyone things, so I date and have had my 'safe sex'! I deserve more.
I decided that I was going to talk to him before sharing it to Greggie or any of my friends. I needed to do this all by myself. Mr Big and I have been 'together' for two years and it's enough now ... enough.
I sobbed and he was amazing! We are not ending the friendship but we are ending using each other just for sex. I'm so scared you have no idea. I'm the girl who teaches all about sex and I learned from listening to myself that I am worth so much more than I ever, ever expected for myself ... I cut the cord!
So I have just found out I have ages to heal. I can't write at the moment. I let go of my intimate partner ... and ... I'm about to put a youtube video from sexpo for the world to see! Yet, I'm still 'project me'ing' me! What more can I say ... I didn't only cut one cord today!!!