I'm not one to end a year with much negativity or wishing it good riddance. It may be a trait I'm a little too kind with, but I don't wish anyone or anything good riddance. I'm a glass half full kinda girl and will always find the grateful reasons why things happen, relationships end, situations hurt and I struggle. With about 6 weeks to go until I can close the door on 2016, I'm in a different kind of struggle. One with a complete duality of emotions, which have toyed with me, over the course of this year. I crawled into bed a few hours ago, in the middle of the afternoon on a work day and found an online website to create my birth chart. In between that, I was my usual productive self, priding myself in hardly ever dropping a ball or losing my balance while I carry my world on my shoulders. I didn't do my chart for fun. I did it out of desperation, to try figure some answers out about what this year has been all about. What are the lesson? Why has it been mixture of amazing high moments and frustratingly low ones? Why does it feel like my world has gone slightly bonkers in 2016?
I know, it's supposed to be this way. Well that's what my bestie keeps reminding me of. The difference is, he used to tell me this over a glass of wine and dinner but now he tells me over a FaceTime chat, because in 2016, he relocated to the UK. Here's a perfect example of the duality of emotions. Greggie isn't only my bestie, but he's my business partner too. The low is not having the opportunity to cook him dinner or chat over dinner and sometimes I crave that. Friends promise we'll keep in touch but a whole lot of them haven't been around since Greggie left. I'm sure a lot of that is my fault too. It's been a different kind of lonely. On the other hand, we have registered our UK business, fees are in Pounds and the opportunities for us are now across continents. Amazing, right?
There's something about entrepreneurship that is hard to describe unless you have whipped away all your safety nets and create a living on more faith that skill. That's how the two of us roll and 2016 has been one of uncertainty, with the completely natural pattern of clients coming and going and never knowing what's waiting for us around the corner. It should be exciting and adventurous, but this year, it's made me tired. You know what exhausts me most? When it all works out and I breakdown and cry, in relief. Then I cry some more, because I'm frustrated with myself for not having chilled more and remembered that I teach the world about business faith.
Oh yes, that ... my book! The Holistic Entrepreneur, which I finished writing in March this year. A highlight of my life and then the polar opposite of frustration at how long it's taken to get the book out into the world. Why? I'm still trying to figure that out. Chances are the time frame is pretty normal, between proof reading, getting feedback for marketing and creating the finished product of the book. Oh wait, my website crashed in June ... yes, that's a very good reason for having to put the book on hold. I know I've been quite in the writing space, but for whatever reason, my blog needed to be infected with a nasty virus, quaranteened and moved to another domain. You see, glass half full, girl.
However, 2016 has had one theme which I never expected it to have. It's been one of disappointment and a feeing of betrayal. Boys, friends, family, ex-clients. It's a theme I can't do much about. I've spent hours under the moon, chatting to my wounded self and remind me that everyone does what's best for them. I'm sure, in their eyes, it wasn't betrayal, but merely them doing what they needed to at the time. Either way, 2016 had me perplexed and in turn, exhausted for a lot of the year.
Yet, on the other hand, I will most fondly look back on this year as the one where I became very good friends with my physical self. I quit sugar on the 28th Feb and completely changed my life. I can't say my body changed as much as I wanted it to, but my lifestyle is absolutely different and I have build a whole new relationship with me.
Reflecting on a year always seems to have a theme and before everyone starts posting good riddance to the year, I needed to make friends with. Some say it's just numbers, but I'm too connected to the moon and stars and the planets to play down the importance of a year's journey.
Dear 2016, you're not done yet, but I'm going to take the next six weeks to thank you. It may take me a while to figure all of you out, but when I raise my glass of bubbly and bid you farewell, it will be a glass half full.
