I've been trying to find a moment to do this for nearly 2 weeks now. Sometimes it's been time, other times it's been chaos, but mostly it's been me hiding away from you. Not knowing how to get myself out from under the pile of stress, chaos and angst I've lost myself in has been the greatest challenge of all.
Put your hands up if the last 4 or so months of 2013 have been as emotionally taxing on you than you think they have been on me?
Mostly, it's great!!
The social media side of our business is doing so well that I can finally say we are flourishing. We have enough clients for next year to easily cover our expenses and, beside the odd trying moment, we have great clients too. I have a fantastic assistant and can honestly say that I managed to perfectly manifest what I want to do.
What I want to do while I make plans for what I really want to do!
This Youtube video of the talk I did at #Gratitude200K will let you in on exactly what I'm talking about ...
I've missed talking so much. I can't begin to tell you how amazing it was to do what I love. Both the combination of public speaking and telling my project me story awoke something in me that I really have had to put on the back burner to get my career off the ground. ?At one point I felt this well of emotion wash over me and it was because I was doing what I love absolutely most in the world!
Um ... I was doing part of what I love doing. The other part is writing and I'm sure if you have been with me on my project me journey, you will know that a whole lot of what I do is because I have book to publish and more to write. That's who I want to spend my days ... public speaking and writing, in no particular order.
Of all the great wonders of being able to speak to a crowd, the one that stood out for me most was the theme around the event. Richard Simmonds has done so well to establish himself as a South African Twitter influencer who truly knows how to grow his following and network through his people. Marking his 200 000th follower was an incredible moment and so Richard hosted an event called #Gratitude200K.
At a time when I've been dealing with more family drama than a weekend omnibus of daytime soapies, I've had to settle into a new home where not one man in my life has had the follow through to help me hand a picture on the wall, I've eaten myself back to where I was about a year ago and finally have grey hairs sprouting from my roots ... now's the time I'm asked to talk about gratitude.
I'm not a good textbook girl so I don't get roped into the self help jargon that helps most people fake their way from one day to the next. When life's crap ... it's crap!!
It's been crap!!!
Yes ... I'm counting my blessings and proud of my achievements. I'm doing all the bla bla bla right things to do to not throw myself in front of bus or drown myself in a pool of my own tears.
But then ... I was asked to speak about gratitude.
Every way I wanted to start talk sounded like fake jargon and it took me hours of reflecting on what I actually felt grateful for to finally realise that I was grateful for gratitude itself.
Somehow ... every single day, I have been getting up and stepping out into the world, even though I have been telling myself that I just want to let everything be and hide away from the world. That's not me. This girl just doesn't have it me to let the ball drop or throw in towel. And then I felt the gratitude begin to kick in.
The more I thought about how I do drag myself out of bed each day and I how I do make sure that I meet every work ethic I put in place for myself and do go and have that dinner with friend, the more I realised that I rely heavily on gratitude.
Gratitude drags me out of bed each day. It reminds me of how far I have come and all that I still know I can achieve. It throws glimmers of light on everything from my potential published book to my potential love life. Despite the fact that both my book and my heart are shelved at the moment, there is something buried deep inside that always reminds me that neither will shelved forever.
I've been stressed and I've been hiding away from what I love most. I've forgotten what it's like to put myself first and take care of myself. In a nutshell ... I forgot what it takes to live Project Me!
On the other hand, I'm grateful that it took a forced moment of gratitude to put everything back in perspective and take the first steps to find myself again. This blog post ... is it!