"Hi" sugar! - project me day 109

It's such a rewarding feeling to turn around and go ... "I told you so!" ... well, actually that's such ego! So ... "I told you so"! If only I wasn't?referring?to the knowing that my blood tests would indicate the something is not right with my sugar levels.
Confession ... I was a bit of wreck and was?contemplating whether it was less cowardly to call and get the test results even if it mean ruining an evening with Mr Big ... which I had other anxieties about as it is! Or, I could ignore the fact that I need to call for the results on Monday and do it on Tuesday instead! That's where I'm so grateful for Greggie, who doesn't think the worst and has totally taught me rationalise with the ego a bit!
The doc is awesome ... I'm sticking to someone who's first solution is NOT medication! Here's the condition though ... I have to go back in four months for blood tests and have that time to bring my sugar levels down just by changing my diet.
I'm taking this as a big adventure and using 'project me' as my saving grace to not obsess over the weight loss and to continue having fun. It's going to be interesting being goalless and not letting the ego hang onto the fact that I eating as though I am diabetic does not have to make my whole life a drama.
Otherwise ... all was well ... which is interesting because it also eliminates any excuses that I could cling onto! Oh ... to be excuse free 😉

High sugar was only one of the looming things at the beginning of a work week that has it's next set of interesting challenges. For some reason all my appointments seem to be crammed into one week and Greggie and I don't have much time to just sit in the office and get work done. Oh, that's fantastic for my personality because my mind goes straight to workaholic and back into preparation for self sabotage!
This is truly where I wish I had super long arms to give myself a huge big 'well done sugar' hug!
I'm now on a social networking 'high' and have all these great plans to get Lifeology out there with the aid of the two and a bit years of ?work I have taken to get 'Jodene' out there. Problem is ... I forget that time is on my side and I want to get tunnel vision and work non stop until I can bring my marketing plan to life. Upside is ... thanks to 'project me' and the consciousness I've developed, I watched the mind get carried away, but put on the breaks and gave the workaholic in me a gentle pep-talk.

Maybe a little too much of a pep-talk because halfway through the morning I zoned into ego again and focused all my attention on my night with Mr Big! Three issues ...
One ... as always ... I'm freaking directionless and the only person on the planet who doesn't trust the gps. ?Yep ... not knowing where I'm going totally freaks me out! It is, however, another huge feather in my cap because I've been so adventurous this year. Never mind the fact that my brother took me on a simulated trip to a place I've been to before ... well, I'm usually following Mr Big after dinner and in the dark! So that made me not feel like working!

Two ... when to buy groceries! Oh yes ... totally obsessed about whether to buy them on my way home from Greggie or leave early and get to Mr Big's side of the world and shop then. But what if the shops are closed because I don't know the traffic? What if I then leave later after doing the groceries and then get stuck in hectic traffic ... oh, I'm sure all of that aimless and meaningless confusion was so good for the sugar. ... but the mind was only distracting from number three!

Three ... with what level of self esteem am I seeing Mr Big?
It's amazing ... we are preparing notes for the archetypes course and one of the key things that Greggie and I were making sure we teach is the 'intention' with which you do anything. Well that little spurt of work threw me even more because if I take what I teach ... there is no wrong or right, just know your intentions and make it about you ... then I had no reason under the sun to not want to follow my heart! No ... my ego! No ... my heart .... ego ... heart ... ego ... oh wait ... maybe soul ... oh, sugar!!

I went and totally found my way all on my own ... I made such an awesome dinner ... I drank enough whiskey to numb the nerves! I didn't even take the time to watch myself or analyse anything! One thing's for sure ... I can just be me with Mr Big.
We've had our issues and most of them are based around my weight and now he's so stressed at work that he's seeing his body change and suffer! It's so true ... you can't comment until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes.
My friends have been concerned about me going back to Mr Big ... but empathy made it all worthwhile! Hey ... it might even be good for my sugar!

Some things never change tough ... I still had a little 'oh hell I'm out of my comfort zone' attack and coughing spout in the middle of the night, although I calmed myself down and it didn't last nearly as long as it has before ... and ?... I still wanted to rescue Mr Big from all his worries and stress! I even went so far as to take myself off to the mirror in the bathroom and do a little ... "he's a big boy, Jodene" talk just before I pulled on my 'save the world superhero costume' ...

Oh, the sweetness of life ... let's get that into balance, shall we!!