How do you leave yourself alone? - project me day 437

13 March 2011

It's easy to hide from someone else, but absolutely impossible to hid from myself. Or is that true?

I can count on my fingers the amount of times I haven't felt like blogging but today I could just hide away from all of this. Hide away from making my life public and from trying to stand out in the world.
The reality hit me at about lunchtime yesterday ... I do have the ability to sabotage my happiness. I do know how to leave myself alone and my highest potential alone and so man more of you!

Thank heavens for ADDICTION!

Mine might not be alcohol or drugs ... maybe it's better, maybe it's worse ... but yesterday I realised that it's time to be different.

No ... not do something different, but to BE different because my different is the thing I'm most afraid of.

I went to want Greggie sing last night (that might be a little secret, but one day I'll post a video ... with his permission of course) and it was a little concert in a church with one incredible singing teacher's students. Some were brilliant and some weren't so good but no matter what, they all sang.
Except ... there was one little girl who got too afraid and pulled out of singing. She's the one I focused on most of all. Afterward neither Greg ?nor my mom said they noticed her ... yet my heart broke for her. Somehow I knew that feeling and (without being to mean to myself) I understood having a beautiful talent but being too afraid to show it and then wishing I could. I knew half her tears were relief and the other half would always be regret.

Somehow I can't put that moment down and I know that I'm hiding my talent from the world. My very talent is the lesson of teaching the world that you can stand as an individual. I'm addicted to fitting in because of the fear of being different ... that's gonna take some explaining but today I'm?that?petrified?of that statement that it's left me a little shaken ... so shaken that I slept until 11:30 today!

But here's the truth. I don't know where to begin and I'm already feeling ashamed because I want to start explaining myself heaven forbid the 'positivity?generation' read this post and tell me to pull myself together or chin up or get over myself.

Truth first ...
But for today I know I'm going to go right back to my addiction ... ?I will fit in with the world of what I eat to not be difficult, what to say as to not cause and upset and what to do as to not look to out of place in the world!

Don't all addicts say it ... "I'll just do it for one more day!"

2 comments on “How do you leave yourself alone? - project me day 437”

  1. If you figure out a good way to hide from yourself please share it with me! Oh, hold on, that means I would be following someone else's formula but then at least I'll be doing what most others do. 😉

    Some days I wish I could unscrew my head and put it aside for a while. I can really be tiring. LOL

    P.S. I was also in bed most of the morning - sleeping on and off. But then, I believe that's what Sunday's are for.

    My recent post When health becomes an addiction

    1. I think I needed some time to ignore this comment, but after a very important time spent with you yesterday, I feel as though I can face a little bit more of me again!
      I'm sure this is why some clever man invented earphones 😉

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