Everyone says a change is as good as a holiday and after the month I've had, I have been waiting for a change. I decided to cut my hair almost immediately after the breakup, but plucking up the courage takes a little longer with me.
I'm glad I didn't do it when I found the hairstyle because I've had an interesting month and the timing of the cut is ideal for what I've learned about myself.
Although I've honoured my emotions and totally fallen apart at times, I've really had time to see how strong and positive I am. The more I've spoken to people, the more I've realised how brave it was to see the need to end the relationship. Taking it from the number of people, (all very supportive) who told me to not give up and the relationship could work down the line, I also realise how few people actually do leave when they can see that a certain element just won't work. Pat always used to say that we were okay 80% of the time, but that 20% ... I'm deserving of that extra 20%. We are all deserving of 100%!
And so a new kind of standard for my life and confidence kicked in ...
Work has always been my strong point for being bold and brave, but it's different to start to feel it in my personal desires. I honestly believe that if we all look into the ending of a relationship we can see so many gifts for ourselves and the ones I've truly found have been very positive. They have been all about who I know I am and how I want to what I have realised about myself and make the change I want to see in MY world.
So I started with my hair ...
This year my project me calls for a new kind of boldness and a new kind of braveness. There are things I want to do in my personal life that are going to take some real confidence. That spills over into my career too and this year I want to step out into the world, with pride and be noticed ... really noticed ... for the purpose that I want to live out in my life.
For the longest time all I wanted was for my hair to look like Alanis Morissette ... just long and kinda hanging. Well, that was years ago and I didn't even go to have my hair done much, which is crazy because my oldest sister just happens to be one of the best hairstylist in SA ... in my personal opinion.
But Alanis grew up and has had many gorgeous hairstyles over the years and so it's time to use a hairdryer and style my hair for the first time in about 15 years. Yep, that's seriously how long I've just done the wash and leave it to dry thing.
So my sis, Shelene, has always offered to do my hair and I've always said 'no thanks', but now that something inside has changed and I want to physically see and live that change, I needed my oldest sis more than ever.
Over the holidays Greggie and I did a fortune of talking and taking a deeper looking into our lives. It's partly because we over analyse and partly because a wise friend of our suggested we do it. In all of that, I realised that I truly believe I fade into the background ... I didn't realise how long it had been an issue for and that I felt it in so many areas of my life, but I always feel like I am just a flash in the pan with everything. Like I'll be the flavour of the month with friends, with clients, with followers, with readers ... with men!
But no more!
Very long story short ... a whole lot of talking to myself, salt baths, drowning my insides and outside with sage and letting go ... I'm slowly seeing myself as invaluable, eternal, impactful and a whole lot of other positive words that needed to be translated into a new me ...
A very special thanks again to my sis of Tanaz Hair Body Nails, who knows I've changed and can maintain a hairstyle that I never would have taken the time to care for or style until now ...