I don't have to go it alone - project me post 856

11 June 2012
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One of the first lessons I learned (but certainly haven't mastered) along my journey of self discovery, was to not focus on the 'how' of life. I've read more self help book that imaginable and I've worked through every possible process of manifestation that is out there. On days of frustration and crisis I always think I haven't done enough. I think that the one type of manifestation tool that I didn't feel appealed to me would be the one that was sure to work. I think of all the things I didn't do enough of and I blow the dust off an old self help book thinking I should flip through the pages again.

Then I remember that I've done that over and over and over again.

One of my cheats is for Greggie to read the book and to fill me in on the juicy bits. He reads the ones that usually make my head boggle, Malcolm Galdwell being one of them. So although I didn't go through the Tipping Point in depth, I totally get what that point is. I also know that I've felt like it's been coming for ages.

On the other hand, I'm grateful that 'project me' has taught me to focus on the little things and be grateful for every milestone. Without that I think I would have given up, thrown in the towel and had a day job doing what I hate by now. The irony is that, on the days when I ask myself what the hell I'm doing, is the day that I get an email saying I'm someone's inspiration, or Klout for social media, or taken to coffee by someone I admire because they want to tell me how much they admire me.

But what about the moments when I have to distract myself from the 'how' and do only what I know I can do? I've been thinking a lot about what I can put my energy into without forcing my success. Nothing flows with ease when there is force and nothing happens when there is panic either.

This has been brewing for a while now. Trying to figure out what to focus on without becoming obsessed with the 'how' of my career, money, my future. I've learned that it's when you turn your attention to the things that might not be on your priority list, that things slowly fall into place. Okay, I've heard that but never taken my eye off my career and putting everyone before me to actually figure it out.

And then I met a very special person who swept into my life and held a neon sign (not literally of course) saying, "focus on you!"
Admittedly, I've started and stopped focusing on me all my life. I've done as many diets as I've read self help books and neither of them got me very far. If anyone reading has followed 'project me' from the beginning, you'll know this is a recurring theme in my life. However, there's one difference ... Miss?Independent isn't going to try do it on my own. I'm not going to tell you I know my body well enough to figure out what to eat or how to train. I'm not going to tell you that I've joined a gym class and because I like the instructor and he like me I'm not going to give it up.
I'm going to tell you that for the first time EVER, I'm saying, "I can't go it alone!"

It's with the amazing encouragement from Joni Kowensky and Kilo2Kili that I'm re-opening the #projectbody chapter of my life. I'm facing my eating, exercising and injury issues. I'm letting the vulnerability and anxiety all hang out and I'm taking the hand of someone who has been there, done that and now fits very comfortably into the T-Shirt.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. Of course the fears are there that I've done this all before and never succeeded, but I've reverted back to something I truly believe in. I keep reminding myself that today is my truth but it doesn't have to be my reality. In my reality, I don't abuse my body when I'm stressed. I eat healthy and sensibly because I'm worth it and I use my exercise time as my gift to me.

How do I know it's gonna be different? Because I woke up today and still have the flu and on any other day I would have told myself to wait until I get better before I make the appointment to start with Kilo2Kili. Not today! Today I made the call anyway I know there is something we can do to get me started while my body takes its time to heal.

Tomorrow ... 10am ... weigh in!



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