There are thing happening all around me and I have a whole lot of reasons to cry and fall apart. 'Project me' is about knowing that everything is as it should be and that I am that powerful that I will make all the pieces fall into place. That isn't an affirmation where I am still trying to convince myself - it's a knowing! I am that strong and I am that brave.
Despite the fact that builders have invaded our house and we have notification that we need to be out by July, I have held it all together. Besides the fact that the business isn't financially secure, just yet, for me to move into my own place tomorrow, I have a sunny disposition. Never mind that my sister's wedding in about 23 days away and I am watching her struggle and stress as the day gets closer. Remembering the point that my father's estate is still not wound up and I am watching it put a whole lot of stresses and pressures on my mother. Then there's the little point of my back taking ages to heal and my fear of getting back to the gym in case I do any further damage. Oh ... and not forgetting the I"M STILL SINGLE bit!
Surely there are enough things in there to make a girl shed a tear or two? What's the thing that brings me to tears?
We have sold the house we live in and builders are all around us turning it into offices. (Yes, it's that big!) That means there is no more care for the garden or the fact that my dad planted the banana tree they cut down yesterday and they are going to cut down my beautiful palm tree to make way for parking - not even a building, just a parking bay.
It's not like I'm going to chain myself to trees in the near future, but there is a part of me that really is bonded to nature. I was born that way. I have always believed that everything is made from the same Source and therefore everything has life! So ... when the hacking started and the powerful green leaves hit the ground one branch at a time ... this girl cried ... a lot!
My best friend is logical and told me the tree wasn't indigenous! It pained me to communicate with him for the rest of the day. Who gets to pick and choose what life to merely hack away at because it's going to hamper an entire building site? Irrational? Well this is the one irrational side of me then ... the tree hugger in me is having a horrible time.
We are waiting to hear how long we can still stay in the house for and my silent prayer is: "Don't take down my palm tree until I'm far, far away from here!)
This isn't new ... it dates back to when I was a little girl and my dad sent us all shopping and told us while we were away he would be cutting three branches off our grand tree that shaded the house. Lying daddy cut the tree and only left the stump. Till the day he died (because I never let it go) he always said he kept his promise and cut only three branches. Yes, there were three huge branches that were the foundation of that tree once they were gone there was only a stump.
In another breath, my dad built this very house that we live in around a huge palm tree ... yep, they cut that one down a few days ago!
Greggie had a tree destroying the wall of his house and he had to sit down with me and explain exactly why it was?detrimental to his home, all the other trees and to the potential safety of his animals and passers by that he cut down the tree. I didn't go visit on that fateful day.
And my favourite ... there once was this very cute man! He was a tree feller ... I said: "Oh, you're the man who murders tree!"
Yes ... I put this song on repeat and prayed for the souls of those who cut down innocent trees ... sigh!