I love updating my Facebook status. Don't really care who reads it or what anyone thinks of me because of them. I just care that there's a place to splash out a thought, a moment and a reflection of who I am on a daily basis. My Facebook is riddled with friends and family and if I really cared I think I would sensor it a little more. But I've learned that being me is so much more fun that pretending to be someone else.
So I lost a day of the 'project me' blog and as I realised I tossed a status out there: 'Lost a day!' ...
One primary school friend commented and then the next. Then one high school friend commented and then a past student of mine did (You do know that I used to be a teacher at a beauty academy?)
Good golly but they are loopy. It didn't matter which friend was commenting, in the time it took to make myself a cup of tea my status had been bombarded with nutty comments and quirky responses. ?I threw myself in and the banter literally lasted 2 days.
I giggled and chuckled at how off the wall my friends are. Three of them were my super closest best friends when we were all about 6 years old and some of them never ended while others were rekindles thanks to Facebook. Either way ... the status banter made me realise that in a grown up version of the fun we were having, we were always like this.
My high school friend and my past student all slotted right into the banter as if they had known me for as long as my childhood friends. Then one precious friend decided to remind us all that it's been 30 years of friendship and then chuckles at how old she feels. Like that's not going to make us all feel old.
How much have I changed if we picked up from where we left off at different stages in my life? It got me thinking that there's a big difference between changing and growing. Have I changed over all these years or have I just grown and so much of me has stayed the same?
The curious question has actually been playing around in my mind since one of the first friendly?reunions?with all the girls. I am so addicted to shiny lips and apply and reapply lip gloss. I usually hold on in my hand and at any given time I will have about 5 or 12 different ones lying around my handbag. My one friend turned to me and told me that I hadn't changed and that she remembers me always having lip glosses by the dozen. It took me a while to remember ... butt wow ... I haven't change. They have gone from little girl gloss to Christian Dior gloss and I'd call that growth alright.
On the other hand, I met with Baba and my mother today. We had a little catch up and I found myself back in the same space of doing all the talking and letting my life be the open book while I didn't get much in return. I'm sad that a 20 year friendship of?inseparable times, shared partnerships and dreams of an eternal bond has dwindled away to the odd time we get to see each other ... usually sparked by one of my family inviting her over because after 20 years she is like a sister to them.
For ages I have been thinking that the friendship has come to 'this' because I have changed so much, but today it felt the same as always. I did all the talking ... I was the one who news to tell with adventures in my life ... I had grown a little bit more. ?All of a sudden I didn't think that I had changed much.
'Project me' has been so much about taking who I know I can be and making sure that I live that every single day. It's been a bitch trying not to be focused on the goals and I've realised just how much of me is always living for the next moment so it's taken all that I have to stay in the present. Everything has been a push to just be. Be in the moment and accept that I'm perfect as I am ... but I know that totally unconsciously it's because I think I need to change. We all think we need to change.
Today I realised that all this attempt at changing and a whole lot of saying that I have ... and as far as I can remember, like as far back as being 6 years old ... I haven't changed at all.
But as for growth ... well I think I'm an inch taller than Jack's beanstalk 😉