I'm changing, feel free to stay as you are - project me day 377

12 January 2011

Another Tuesday evening spent with the two people who are also on the path of telling themselves the truth. Another night of feeling haunted by my own realisations because I know they are about to signal in more change. Another dose of truth and delving into the reason that I have learned this particular thing about myself at this very moment in time. It's not easy and it's not fun, but a good night's sleep and I wake up with a whole new understanding about the night before.

That, or I wake up still a little frustrated and then I pull a muscle in the middle of my ribcage, while trying to jump into my jeans, and wind myself for the rest of the day. Trying to remember how to breathe is a great way to remember the gratitude and pause (while gasping for air) to think about what you are grateful for ... just in case you die!

Okay, so I didn't die ... and I'm here to live yet another day of 'project me', but last night did bring about something that I can no longer hide.

For about a week and a bit I have been dealing with the nagging in my head and the nagging of my best friend, who have both been pointing out that 'project me' is about living to the full potential of my personality. Isn't that how we are all supposed to live? Considering that I end each day reflecting back to ensure that I have lived my truth, within my integrity and in my highest esteem and I battle like hell to live within that full potential, I sometimes need to reflect back on how far I have come. No time to reflect back now though ... it's in this very moment that my attention is focused.
You see, looking back or dreaming forward is a brilliant distraction for a girl who is slowly realising that I have a very larger personality (I'm still trying to meet myself, so give me a moment before I introduce me to you), lives within my integrity, speaks the truth and has nothing at all, under the entire sun, that I am ashamed or hide from the world. Radical right? Well, can't you see why I hide my personality then.

Things have been?agitating?me. ?I haven't wanted to go places, see people or deal with issues. I feel the need to slip away from the world, but at the same time I can also feel that I am finally being true to myself.
Within just a few days of speaking my truth, knowing my worth and trusting my decisions, I have been hit with tests from all angles.

So I spoke my truth and got questions. I expressed my worth and got challenged on my strength of that very discovery. I made my decision and was confronted as to the esteem with which I made it ... trust me, I know my foundation and I know the esteem ways high!

I worry that people might think I am arrogant ... now wait, I used to worry about that. The truth is that that has also changed. I don't worry about what people thing anymore. In the good way of not worrying, because I trust myself enough to know that the intention with which I communicate anything is pure and with love. I can't worry about what people do with it though.

This means not playing into other's lies, dramas or chaos. This means saying what I mean when asked to say something. This means rattling cages if they don't like the truth and standing firm in my beliefs when I am challenged.

A very dear friend of mine roped me into a lie because they are battling to speak their truth. I let it slide ... but only long enough to have my say. I have no need to lie about anything ... that is a far cry from who I was. I used to lie about everything because I was afraid of consequence and I was riddled with shame, but I've changed and I'm changing still. Before I learned not to lie to others but now I realise that lying for others is just as out of the integrity of all the work I have done to become who I am today.

Join me ... what's the worst that can happen right?

4 comments on “I'm changing, feel free to stay as you are - project me day 377”

  1. Okay I'm glad I read this post, be it on the freakin blackberry.

    I realise now my mistake and thank you for showing me the way regarding speaking the truth.

    I do need to speak my truth without fearing the consequences as it only makes me more agitated.

    You have helped me realise a few home truths and I plan to work on being true to myself and to others from now on.

    Thank you for a very ensightful evening. xxx

    1. I'm not saying it's easy my friend, but I do promise you that it gives a sense of freedom you can't find if you don't. I love for always trying to protect others from the truth. Good gracious, this makes you sound like a big, fat liar ... tee hee!
      I am always here to share your journey with you because you are so fundamental in mine!

      PS ... don't ever stop loving the way you do ...

  2. Hmmm... change? well... as the song goes, "And how can the world want me to change? They're the ones that stay the same..."

    I guess it's tough enough to keep it real, reach for the things that you can't yet feel and figure out just where you belong. After all, the worst that could ultimately happen is you figure out just exactly who you are. Kinda scary I admit, but you can't be the best you until you figure out just who that is.

    But hey... I'm just sayin'
    My recent post Dirty Diana

    1. Wow, that an awesome response to an interesting moment in my life! You ar right ... what is the worst that can happen?
      Glad you aren't saying it's easy as pie ... considering I am not the best baker and never understood why anyone thought pie was easy at all 😉

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