It's late and I'm tired. It's been a day of running around and not getting to my work until after dinner. Not wanting to consume myself in work, like I used to, there's dragging myself to dinner but then so grateful that I did and now forcing a blog post because I set an intention to blog at least twice a week and I want to stick to that. There's no negative feeling when pushing some writing out, but it did take a very long process and really being conscious about my patterns to finally get a very clear life lesson.
We get so focused on doing the thing we set out to do, on a to do list or through intention. We tick things off and only when those things are ticked off, do we feel a sense of accomplishment.
I started to get into the routine of waking up and doing my breaths to start the day and some meditation. ?I then swap my days between exercising or doing some writing. There are rules everywhere ... so many minutes of exercise with a certain push to reach a goal. There are guidelines on how many words should be written in a day or an hour. It's everywhere and if we give less of ourselves than the expectation of the world, it doesn't feel good enough.
I'm tired of not feeling good enough in the eyes of the world, so I haven't blogged about my morning routine, until I was sure that it was working for me and the results can be seen.
My book isn't close to finished and I still have to do some jumping and squishing bits of myself into my jeans, but life has become clearer, more productive and I can feel the changes on the physical, mental and emotional levels.
Not because I did something particular, but because I did anything ... anything to stick to an intention I set out for myself. Some mornings I only manage to focus on my breathing and 5 minutes of mediation. Other mornings I can't write one word for the book, so I potter around in my thoughts to gather what I may use in the pages to follow, when I feel inspired. I have done 10 stomach crunches and kinda waved my arms at my sides for 10 minutes before getting distracted by pretty much anything.
Yet, every morning I wake up with intention and I remind myself that everything starts from self love and keeping my word to myself ... so I do.
Then there are the days where I have a powerful meditation, that takes me into a space I can feel is far from what I am aware of, I write thousands of words and pour with sweat and I push my body to the limits (my limits).
Times have been tough ... we are in a financial corner for the first time in years, while we wait for cash flow to settle. I have had loss, sadness and a broken heart. Family drama, friend drama, boy drama ... everyday drama!! Yet, I've gotten through everything with a consciousness and bravery that has definitely stemmed from my just keeping my word to myself ... not on the days that I do something, but on the days that I do anything when I usually would have had any excuse in the book!!