It is almost a year since I sequestrated the disk in my lower back and one of the promises I made myself is that I would never lie in bed and work again. It used to be the permanent position and even though I have churned out many hours of brilliance lying at an odd angle and writing away, it was one of the most damaging things for my back.
For me to be sitting in bed and blogging you have to know that it's the best reason under the sun ... and it is.
Lying next to me, fast asleep, is a very sick man. A man that I have been waiting to come into my life for a very long time. Yet, over the past few days I've wished he wasn't here. If my dearest friends, Greggie or Hustler Girl had to blog about me now they would tell you that I am borderline?psychotic. ?There has been a flip in my personality that has been?explainable ... or so I thought.
Despite all the nurturing energy that everyone sees in me, there is a standing joke in my family ... it goes something like this: Jodene is not Florence Nightingale. Yes, sick people and me don't go very well at all and it's the one time when compassion seems to fly out the window. So for the past couple of days I've been a cow but only today, while thinking about my own body and the journey it's had this week, did I realise why this mad, impatient woman emerges around sickness.
It's tough enough taking care of my own body and I don't get the best points at my attempt at it. That's why I'm doing 'project body'. It's because of the?detachment?from my own body and not because I know how to take care of myself?wholly?and completely. ?Now you are?telling?me I have to take care of someone else and their ailing body? Are you crazy?
The fact is, Mr?Unexpected?has been sick for a long time and just like my body got struck down with ailments as soon as we started dating, I think his body has finally given him permission to let go and give in for a while. It's a cough from hell, blood pressure through the roof and he's literally slept for 48 hours. Me ... I'm totally freaked out.
I don't know what to give him to eat or to drink. I don't know if he should have lots of blankets or the heater on. Dry air is bad but wet air is good ... so this is the reality I've been daydreaming about? Only tonight did I realise that I wouldn't swap it for anything, but I can't say I'm having the fun I should ... it's not his fault, it's mine.
I've come to realise something though ... the reality is that when we love someone, we become a part of their own journey with their bodies. I'm still fumbling around in the dark with what that means, but as I did my weak of counting calories and getting ready to head back to gym from Monday, I watched how our meals slowly changed to?accommodate shockingly high blood pressure.
I keep joking that ?my knight rode in on a limping horse, but a part of me really isn't laughing ... I'm scared that he's sick and I'm scared that it will impact my own project body because I'm going to get to freaked out the stick to my own plans. The reality is that we are in this together and have both chosen journeys with each other no matter the body ailment or fat percentage.
So scared and all ... this Florence Nightingale has a very special man to take care of ...
Back to gym tomorrow