It's not easy to be me - project body week 6

Time flies and once again, where I thought I would be an where I am are two very different places. I am now at a crossroad of choices and I have to make a very serious one. I can either feel as though I'm getting it wrong or I can feel as though I'm getting it human. Human is very far from the reality of the dream, but it doesn't have to make the dream any less of an incredible ride.

I am on that ride, but it's nothing that the dream held. It was easy in the dream. There were no stumbling block, no days of cravings and no mornings on not wanting to go to gym, no matter how exciting the thought of a size 36 seems.

This pas week has been filled with the complete opposite of realities and the swaying between the two has left me feeling exhausted. The?exuberant high of having dreams coming true, but the threat that those dreams are too late. The absolute joy of finally finding love but the total low of realising that dream are not like they are made out to be in the movies. Everything has been that extreme and on top of it all, I've had to force myself to eat health and try and get to gym.

In my halfhearted attempt I think I did it as best as I could this week and I need to be proud of me for that. Besides two serious doses of ice cream, one yummy helping of chocolate cake made by my new friend, Pixel Slave and a hamburger that my boyfriend is very deserving of after eating like a champ ... I think I did pretty well.

I also went to gym on Monday morning, but managed to get out of it on Wednesday because my man was sick and I didn't want to leave him. I also pulled a good one on my ego on Friday and convinced myself that I wouldn't fit everything into my day ... so I missed it too.

Then, after a mixed emotional weekend and licking the spoon of my last mouthful of soft serve, "superman" started playing on the radio. Mr Unexpected was driving and were in mid sentence about differences being healthy in relationships (still pondering this one) and I just cranked it up and lost myself in very true words ...

I can?t stand to fly
I?m not that naive
I?m just out to find
The better part of me

I?m more than a bird?I?m more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
It?s not easy to be me.

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I?ll never see

It may sound absurd?but don?t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed?but won?t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it?s not easy to be me.

Up, up and away?away from me
Well it?s all right?You can all sleep sound tonight
I?m not crazy?or anything?

I can?t stand to fly
I?m not that naive
Men weren?t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I?m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
inside of me ...... inside of me ...ya inside of me... inside..of me

I?m only a man in a funny red sheet
I?m only a man looking for a dream