It's the little imprecations and moments like that - project me post 951

17 May 2013

I've started this post and deleted it far too many times. Now have a pizza in the oven, chocolate on my pillow and have gotten through 2 cups of tea without writing a word.

That's not surprising considering I've been dodging an update about my heart and my step back into the world of being single. Part of it has been because it's crappy and I don't quite know what to say without pretending that I'm pissed off, frustrated and pissed off some more that my ex got away with treating me so badly and marched off into the sunset to continue his life. I am always concerned that he might read a post and see how I'm doing, so I don't say how I'm doing ...

But then a part of realised that I'm actually doing damn well considering.

The other reason I've been skipping over the relationship stuff is because as fast as some men have arrived in my life, they have left. I haven't been a lonely spinster December and there's a part of me that's avoided saying that too! Well, I haven't and I've had some fun, been reminded that I'm pretty, sexy and attractive, that I know what I'm doing ... with the lights on!! And it's all be fantastic for me!

There I said it!

Wow, was it really so tough?

So I find myself alone a Friday night, off to a blogger's weekend and a hotel room that I will be sharing with a friend who is truly becoming very dear to me ... a girl friend!
It wasn't the plan at all. It was supposed to be a fun night away with someone who I have been trying to care for and make special things with, yet all we do is fight and argue! There's a bond, but there's also so much mess in between that I'm now at the point of packing it in and walking away. I get the reward of the pizza and the chocolate ... because I know you're reading this ...

Country music has always been my saving grace and I know many people just don't get it, but there are messages in it that help me make the right, healthy choices for me and tonight is no different.

Between the lines I'm typing, the words to "little moments like that" are playing in the background. The word that talk about the imperfections of the woman you are supposed to love and care for ... and loving her for all of those?imperfections.
We haven't had that ... we've argued about all that I'm getting wrong, saying wrong and doing wrong.

And all of a sudden I had one of the greatest Project Me moments with myself this year.

But first I want you to read some of the lyrics to the song:
Well I'll never forget the first time that I heard
That pretty mouth say that dirty word
And I can't even remember now, what she backed my truck into
But she covered her mouth and her face got red and she just looked so darn cute
That I couldn't even act like I was mad-
Yeah I live for little moments like that

That's like just last year on my birthday
She lost all track of time and burnt the cake
And every smoke detector in the house was going off
She was just about the cry
Until I took her in my arms
And I tried not to let her see, me laugh-
Yeah I live for little moments like that

I know she's not perfect, but she tries so hard for me
And I thank God that she isn't
Cause how boring would that be?
It's the little imperfections, it's the sudden change in plans
When she misreads the directions and we're lost
But holding hands-
Yeah I live for little moments like that

I've left him sitting at the gate because I got lost in making him dinner, forgot to buy the wine because I ... oh, I just forgot!
I start a sentence halfway through a thought and don't know if I want one toasted sandwich or two. I might want tea until I smell him having coffee and I use words that have three meaning but know exactly what I'm saying. I drink red wine with seafood and I say I just want to be friend then can't wait for him to kiss, say I don't know where we are going but am upset that I haven't met his parents. I'm far too sensitive, far too romantic, far too insecure and far too complicated!!!

But I'm me ... I'm all those imperfections wrapped up in a believer of happily ever after and endless possibility.
I'm loving and caring and fun. I'm supportive and encouraging ... oh wait, why am I even explaining myself.

I'm me!!!

Today and over the past few weeks of listening to all the things that are frustrating about me, I've learned that this is me! This ditsy, daydream, complicated girl is me, but somewhere out there is a man who is looking for a girl just like me!!!

I'm tired of thinking of have to change and I'm tired of trying to figure out why men leave me. But then I put on a country song and am reminded that somewhere out there is a man who walk though the door and kiss me on the cheek while saying, "crazy girl ... where's your phone? Where's your head? Where have your thoughts taken you? Where's your heart at now?"

I'm Jodene ... and I'm filled with imperfections!!!!!

(PS ... this video is absolutely gorgeous so don't skip over watching it!!)


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