Look daddy, I'm on TV - Project Me post 1036

I know this pattern. It always strikes when I clean up my healthy act, eat well and get exercise. My body gets overly excited at the possibilities and I'm wide awake at 5am. If I think I have any plans to get of bed and conquer the world before 7am, I have another think coming.

Instead, my heart and head seem to have so much to say, so here I am, blogging again before sunrise.

I was supposed to post something very exciting yesterday, but amid the bubbling under of family drama, it was even a touch of a struggle to share the good news.
Yesterday was 6 years since my dad ended his long suffering from emphysema. Sometimes it feels like just the other day and other times it feels like forever.

I didn't have the greatest relationship with my dad, but the more I started my journey of self discovery and started to learn the lessons of empathy, integrity, consciousness and love, the more I started to attempt to understand him. The thing that truly bonded us is that he attempted to understand me.

My faraway friend, Cameron, and I Skype once a week and we chat through our lives on so many levels. It's really starting to mold Project Me into something tangible. While it does, the life lessons continue and Cam has me looking at all the qualities of the men in my life to start to put together the pieces and manifest my man. He says "husband" but we'll take very baby steps on that one.
Anyway, with all the thoughts of my dad over the past few days, the one thing I am most grateful for and definitely adding as a puzzle piece to manifesting my human, is that my dad and I truly attempted to understand and support each other.

There are so many moments that define this building of a relationship that ended in me just being told (by a dear family friend, 6 years after my dad's passing) that the second last day of my dad's life he wasn't comfortable in the hospital bed and wouldn't let the nurses help him. He called this family friend over and said that he only wanted me. I remember being called to my dad's bedside that day.

He never got what I was trying to achieve in my spiritual or my career life, yet he supported me fiercely. He would buy me crystals, Google things like Shamanic healing cycles and even attempted to build one for me once. On the career front, I know a part of him really thought I was wasting my time, but he would read what I posted out into the world and first find a spelling or grammar mistake, but then he would attempt to get me once again.

He passed away when my heart had already given up on my old business and I was moving into this space of social media, but he never got to watch the journey that led me to yesterday. My passion for Twitter was born as he died, but I know he would have watched me Tweeting away with the same look that he did when I would place rose quartz all around his hospital bed ... like I was a little loopy, but he pretended to believe in it anyway.

Yesterday, when I woke and thought of him first, I didn't have time to shed a tear and knew that I would be on the morning news in a few hours time, and he would smiling down on me a whole lot less proud if I had puff, sad eyes.

Instead, I headed to the SABC Newsroom and had my first live on the news TV experience. They totally stuffed up titles and names and shit, but hey ... it's SABC!!! The moment was still very profound, as I was referred to as a social media expert (which wasn't what I sent through, but I appreciated the compliment).

I knew that my dad would have watched, not understood what Slacktivism truly was, then we would have Googled and been convinced that he knew more than me on the topic. I would have had to listen to him try outsmart me, gritted my teeth because he forgot (or deliberately) didn't say well done for your TV moment. In the end he didn't have to because I learned to understand that his hours of Googling to outsmart me, was actually his way of learning all he could to understand me ...

Look daddy, I'm an expert on TV ...

My segment begins 25 minutes in!!