Lost in a month - project me post 996

I hate that feeling of leaving something too long and then having to make the call, face the friend, respond to the email ... blog!!

Yes, it's been a month!

Amazingly, it wasn't because I have been contemplating whether I want to continue this journey or not. I think a lot of the time I have kept on stalling as I creep toward this 1000th post. I sway between wanting to do some kind of event to celebrate the milestone and then not. I've even had meetings with places about throwing some kind of bash, but for some reason, something has shifted within this month and less of me wants to throw some kind of event, while more of me just wants to keep on sharing my story and simply do what I love and what I know my readers have been accustom to enjoying ... my project me story!

So here I am, a month down the line and I feel more dread about this post than anything else. I haven't not blogged because I've been trying to stall for a party. I haven't blogged because life has been so much in the way. This post is kinda like pulling off the band aid ... the one where you don't think and you just do to get past the pain. Then I feel like the process will start to flow again.

What's been happening, you ask?

Well, in a nutshell, I've managed to get myself to that place where you can't see the wood from the trees. Okay, I have no idea what the statement even means, but I know that people who feel overwhelmed seem to use it a lot. So ... I'm overwhelmed.

Yep, I've finally figured out how to describe it. I get the feeling I will touch on a whole lot here and then re-visit some things over the weeks to come. Things like ... oh, let's see ...

Not managing to get around to putting myself first. At the beginning of the year I had one simple plan ... exercise 3 times a week, ride my new bike once on the weekend, go to yoga every Wednesday night. That meant managing my time, which people seem to think is so easy. Despite having a network around me, which is supposed to have freed up my time, each day I have found myself more trapped in my world than managing to free myself for a little time to myself. I'm not the girl who wants to wake up at 5am to get going. I want to live the life that is plastered on my vision board.

Of all the things to tackle along my 2014 Project Me journey ... I think this is going to be the biggest.
Every girl love makeup and I mostly love a brand called Bobbi Brown. Yes, the product is amazing, but the woman behind the brand is even more phenomenal. Just Google her and see why she's such an inspiring business woman & down right cool chick. That's what I want to be. How she lives her life is so much of what I strive for. Now to figure out how to get it right ...

My friend has cancer!
Crappy ... the sucky kinda chemo ... I have no idea what to expect or how to support her kind of cancer. It's my special @Liesldb and I've watched her blog through her process, while I have been completely stuck in writer's limbo. She tells her story much better than I can and I do hope that you share her journey along the way, in her blog

My incredibly brave and special friend L!!

I let someone into my heart maybe just a little too much. Of course, I don't go for the simple option of boy meets girl, blah blah blah ... unless every girl out there can relate to mixed signals, being like for the wrong reasons (I'm more than just a social media girl who can make some trend) and getting the talk about being too intense and wanting too much. So I made a few crazy choices, threw myself in, invested time, money and self ... and I'm still licking my wounds a little.

There is the other odd guy floating around, but it seems everyone wants to adore me from a distance. Yep ... I think that's a whole blog post on it's own. So I had exciting plans for Valentine's and now I don't. Well, that's half true. I'm being whisked off by Tsogo Sun for an event in Durban on the 13th and I will be back on Valentine's. A touch of dread ... that's the truth.

I finally surrendered to the fact that I need a little help with my eating issues. Big issues ... this lose, gain, lose, gain is beginning to weigh me down (excuse the pun). I started with an amazing dietitian last week and she's literally helping me make friends with food and exercise. I don't know if it's only me, but all this stuff that my Facebook friends post about their exercise routine that half killed them and resisting the cake because *insert OTT motivational quote here* makes me think that my little attempt at just moving a few times a week is futile. So we are working on rectifying my perceptions and I'm thrilled to not be feeling like the tough girl who can figure it all out on my own.

The cats are good!
My country music is keeping me sane!
I'm planning to go overseas this year no matter what!
I'm still grateful for every moment ... even the frustrated ones!
My dreams are big!
My heart is happy ... sometimes really deep down inside!
... and I feel like I'm back! Even if it's just one blogging step in the right direction.