Greggie says he has such a good laugh because I say I'm going to do a quick blog and it's this long story even if I'm blogging from my Blackberry or if my back is killing me. It's not my fault, I'm going nuts not being able to write.
I've been getting a few spurts of flack for not making a plan to write and then I realised one of my greatest frustrations in my career. The whole event tipped me over the edge and Greggie and my mom were exposed to the rantings of my mind. Well it was actually something new for my mom to see, but Greggie and I do it all the time. We just babble on and on to each other so we can hear all the madness of the mind. It's one of the greatest gifts we give each other and the way I have had some of the best realisations of my life.
Everyone's life lesson is totally different and no-one can ever tell someone else what to do. Unless you can cut yourself and someone can physically feel that pain then there is no place for anyone to tell you if your choices are wrong or right. There are no wrong or right choices anyway ... there are only the choices you choose to make.
I used to be a total workaholic and everyone depends on me to hear their stories and help them with their lives. I know that people wait for my writing and my teaching, but my lesson is to give myself time. It's my gift to myself to keep my commitment to 'project me' on both the real and the blogging front. I wouldn't be true to 'project me' if I didn't take this time to not write. I have to give myself time to heal and the whole world will understand. I only got that after the madness of the mind chewed my two dearest people's ears off.
I'm working though this and doing amazing work by not typing but being productive and creative. I am so proud of myself for asking for help (even though my mother and best friend get great pleasure in chuckling at my expense). One of my life lessons is that it's ok to be teased ... I hate being teased but I'm learning so very fast.
We spent some time watching the sexpo video to create some youtube vids. It used to be hell to watch myself but they are teaching me to love my quirks and expressions ... it was fun actually.
My mind is obsessing over getting fat because I'm lying around and that the?cortisone?is going to blow me up like a balloon.
My mind is obsessing over the number of business opportunities I am losing while I can't do anything ... meanwhile we have more business opportunities than ever before and everyone is being so understanding. Greggie is being amazing at keeping the fire and passion burning and we have even got a meeting to be guest speakers for a cup for cancer. That's not so bad after all.
I also have been having such a rough time dealing with not having the responses I expected from friends now that I can't go out and am not online as much. I've even been deleted by some guys because I can't be so flirty and chatty. I am watching the mind and trying not to go too much into victim space, but it has upset me a little too much.
One friendship I have been freaking out about has been a very special Irish guy who I adore flirting with. I haven't been feeling well at all and then one day he wasn't on my MSN anymore ... so my mind decided that he didn't want to know me because I couldn't be flirty. Well my crazy, mad mind couldn't have been more wrong ... I should have known that his naughty nature would have gotten him blocked by msn.
If there is more madness I can't share it now because my back hasn't been great today and I am trying to type with the laptop on a lap tray for the first time ... it's not great and I don't want to have a bad day tomorrow because it's my mom's birthday.
So me and my mad mind are outta hear!!
PS ... Greggie I hope it was short enough 😉