More than just an afternoon nap - project me day 423

27 February 2011

Admittedly, I've felt crappy for days.

Damn, now I have to explain myself!
There is a line of diabetes in my family, so I really shouldn't be messing around with how I eat considering I've been diagnosed with a pretty high level of something. I don't know how it all works but I do know that I need to keep my sugar levels as stable as possible.

Everyone always assumes that means cutting out all the carbs and keeping the sugar to almost non?existent?(including the good ones) and sometimes I get into total idiot space and act like 'everyone'. No offence to anyone who is reading this and knows they aren't being kind to their bodies, but the truth first hurts and then sets you straight.

On Tuesday night when Greggie, my mom and myself get together for our little dose of self healing and honesty I am going to have to deal with the consequences of what I'm about to tell you.
Before my sister's wedding I began to worry that I wouldn't look great in what I was wearing. I know I said that a few times. The truth is that I did the one thing that I thought was the only thing I could do and cut my carbs right down. I mean right down. The most I would have was an odd bowl of all bran every few days. I had no fruit and I listened to some of the worst advice I have ever been fed. Actually, I've been fed it for years and I tapped back into in a total space of fear.
After the wedding I felt great and so I carried on keeping my carbs low. Not completely gone, but I know it's too low.

Then Hustler Girl and I went on that sugar binge and I was sick almost halfway through my carbo loaded lunch. With each crash I had to fuel myself with more sugar and I have been faint and dizzy since Wednesday.

Yesterday was so bad that I literally had to put myself to bed after a lunch that goes against anything screaming balance.
You know I have voices in my head, so I'm not going to go into explaining myself about that. I am going to explain what the voices were screaming at me about though.

Friends, I love you ... but my word, do you mess with my mind and my choices for my own health. I can't believe how everyone has an opinion and I watch your Facebook status's saying you were at gym for 2 hours and you are surviving fine on a tomato smoothie. Here I am trying to learn to listen to my own body and it's screaming for me to eat carbs at every meal. The good carbs of course ... but carbs one the less. It's protein overload all around me and that's not the wisest thing to do for a body.

At this point my best friend, Greggie, is reading this post and rolling his eyes or mumbling 'I told you so' under his breathe, but for some reason I did choose a lifetime of learning things my own way.

Since I was a little girl I never just believed anything that I was told and that has carried on through my whole life. Why would I make it any different when learning how to eat. NOT being told how to eat or following a diet or a plan ... but learning for myself what I need to balance my own body.

With the room spinning around me and my blood levels wavering from high to low, the voices reminded me that I know what I'm doing. I know that there is no one under the sun who can tell me what to eat and how to take care of my own body. Shit, that's a lot of self trust. No one goes inwards at a time like this and the craving to google the perfect diet is haunting me.

I'm not 13! I'm a 37 year old woman who is trying to show the world that we have the power within us to do and be anything. The truth does remain though ... I have an?erratic sugar issue and I should NOT be messing around with it. The only way to do that is grow the hell up and start listening to myself.

So, you can hear I'm being mean to myself and I'm going to have to take some time to turn that around, but in the meantime I have to stop the light-headedness and the room from spinning. I have to trust in myself to balance my sugars myself and take yet another massive 'project me' step.

First things first though ... I admitted it! I told you and me the truth ... I didn't want an afternoon nap, I needed it!?Desperately!

6 comments on “More than just an afternoon nap - project me day 423”

  1. No rolling of the eyes here, Jo. Actually, a little dampness in the eyes as I watch my wise friend grow and blossom into having unwavering faith in herself. And to admit this to the world is brave, but you know that.

    So, you're brave, wise and trust in yourself and the process. That's not so bad, is it. 😉

    Hope you're feeling better today. Love and hugs.

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    1. Clearly it took a while to get over this very special comment my friend! I'm not often speechless, so I'll leave it at that 😉

  2. I think it's important that you've realised all this. I for one have been working out at gym like a demon, but after week one of high intensity training, I was SOO damn exhausted I never thought I'd see another day! Forced changes do take their toll on the body.
    So my dear friend D pull out a fabulous diet and it was mixed with all sorts of foods, and carb and pretty high proteins and VERY little sugar... Now we all know that I'm a complete sugar addict and rarely a day goes by without me stuffing my face with a 200g slab of chocolate - so this was all very challenging in itself..

    The nice turn around was that because of the amount of weight training I was doing, I just wasn't eating enough and my body was starting to chew away at itself and hence being completely at utterly exhausted EVERY DAY!!!

    Here I can say that increasing my food intake was of exceptional value and brought my energy levels back up to speed, buuut there were certain things in that dies that I just couldn't stomach! (aka porridge - HURL).

    Week two... and the though of the the same diet was just a complete no no for me, SO I changed it how I deemed fit.. and yet... I added in a slab of chocolate onto the menu - not every day, but every 3 day... Made me happy.. made my body happy...

    Forget what the friends say... avoid those facebook updates... and do what what make you feel happy!

    1. They are very empowering lessons Irvie. Standing your own truth and knowing your own needs when there are so many around you offering advice that might work for them (or not) but you know won't work for you!
      Don't dead weight anything that's gonna make an eyeball pop out 😉

  3. I am the child of a diabetic heritage.. so leave it to me to swing the OTHER way and be HYPOGLYCEMIC. Meaning like you without a certain amount of sugar I crash HARD. I found out about it when I was pregnant with my oldest. From that point on I have done fairly well keeping it in check but I know when I have done myself wrong. The worst scare is the day I was driving in 90 degree heat with no air conditioner in the car and my kids were with me. I had not had a bite all day and it was horrible. The road starting twisting and moving in front of me and I got light headed. I had to pull over cause I nearly passed out. MY son had a soda and gave it to me and after 5 minutes I could finish the 1 mile drive home.
    I do have to say that since I started using and taking my Reliv daily I rarely have that problem as long as I take it every morning.
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    1. I'm having a few of those dizzy spell moments myself. I am going to give it a few days of eating right and walking 30 minutes a day to see if it settles and if not then it's off for blood tests and to see what the next step is! Thanks for making me not feel so alone in the world.

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