My way or the highway - project me post 884

13 October 2012

I'm not surprised that it's been 10 days since I blogged last.
What better way to have a huge 'project me' realisation than going against all that I set out to do. Did I honestly think that if I did what I thought everyone wanted or what I thought would make me stick to my vision, that it would be a walk in the park? That's why I keep doing it to myself ... making these public blog announcements like, 'I will be blogging #projectbody every Friday' or 'I'm going back to blogging daily'.

I haven't kept to my word for either of those by the way. I'm not sure what the word was for anyway, but it was great to step away for a while in order to put a few things in perspective.

1. I people please! Yes, I have realised that I do what I think others want me to do or say and that's the reason why I went back to thinking daily blogging would be good for me. Seriously? So ... from this point on, I'm blogging when I feel like it.

2. I'm stuck on what people think of me! Some interesting discussions have been had with people over the past few weeks and the outcome seemed to be very similar with each person. I'm so afraid that my reputation could be tarnished in some way, that I don't throw myself and what I'm doing with my life out into the world. Amazingly, I'm also trying to get more business and how am I supposed to do that if I don't ... um ... tell the world what I'm actually doing to make a living?

3. I think you think I'm crazy! The mentally crazy kind of crazy. I have seen my life change so much over the past few years and I've watched how I blog about each step with less and less confidence. That's because I got myself to the point of thinking that someone out there would think I was totally out of my mind, jumping back and forth in my decision and my life path. But that's who I will always be. That's one of the amazing things that define me. I have dozens of ideas and two handfuls of things on the go ... and who says I can't juggle them all at the same time.

I could go on and list a whole lot more because I've had to face a whole lot about my view on my career, my relationship and my self, but each story gets me to the same point. The same point where I realise that my life is about figuring it out for me. My journey is about taking the scary path of living each day in the moment and not plotting the outcome so much. My truth is that there is no formula that has ever been created that would work for the uniqueness of me.

I had a moment this weekend where I yelled to myself, 'stop!' I have to stop trying to figure out all of the rules of life and solutions to it and I have let life happen ... my way!

It's usually at this point in the post where I ramble on about how I plan to fix, change or adjust me. It's usually the time where I say, 'from this moment on,' and then a few days or weeks later I feel like I've let down every one of my readers and myself. But then I realised that you don't really care. Well, I hope you kinda care, but you certainly won't lose sleep if I skip a blog post that I?committed?to.

So there are no plans, no schemes, no deadlines or?commitments. There is just a girl who is doing her best to live life to the full and spend each day in her truth and in her integrity. All she wants it to do what she loves and to make a living while she's at it. She wants to have fun, embrace life and experience love ... and all of those things can never be achieved with anyone's formula but my very own.

Here's to the adventure of tomorrow ... whatever that may bring me

2 comments on “My way or the highway - project me post 884”

  1. The Hanged man? a transition or a sacrifice leading to a goal? a new sense of spiritually and emotional fulfilment?

    Just be you and enjoy life. It doens't matter what goals are set, what commitments you make, just do what you want to do now! stop numbering your posts too - that is an order, a commitment, a goal that isnt needed really. All the best Jodene, I wish you everything good!

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