Today was the second session of body stress release therapy and I woke up with three burning concerns. Insomnia, midnight?starvation?and where is the leaking spinal fluid now?
In my world those were my only concerns when I woke up. My most natural anticipation was making it through a day without a pain pill or being able to sit for a period of time without eventually having to deal with an increasingly painful nerve being pinched in my spine and traveling all the way down to my toes.
The second session with Dan Hugo was amazing and a touch away from my world of normal. What I appreciate most about Dan as a healer is that he welcomes me into his normal world and guides me through knowing that I am a stranger to it. My mind hasn't allowed me to sleep in well over a month and I am now at a point of hysteria as the sun begins to set. That's because my life is as far from my normal as I could have ever imagined and all I needed was the understanding of what my body is going through right now. Once again, Dan answered questions that I feel should have been addressed by the?orthopedic surgeon ages ago. I also understand that not everyone is brilliant a tour guide into the understanding of the body as Dan is.
I have had images of spinal fluid floating around in my body as some toxin without any understanding of where it's going to got. I have also had no clue how the leaking stops or how the pain ever goes away. With a conversation I was reminded just how powerful my body is that it will go through the natural process of healing. The leaking fluid will be adborbed into the body, the leaking will stop and the hole it's leaking from will naturally close up. That's the body for you - pretty normal to the man who understands it but a bit overwhelming to the person living within it.
The more Dan worked on me and explained to me about the natural balance of each system in my body, the more I felt myself relax. Now that I think back on a few hours ago I can say it's the most normal I have felt in ages. In actual fact most of my day was my version of normal, even though the pain has set in again and I am contemplating pain bills and the curiosity of how my sleep patterns will be now that I have chosen not to try take anything to sleep, after all that has never been my body's normal.
I think my whole being is just craving normal.
Body stress release therapy is my normal. I am a healer too and I like in a world of alternative therapies being the norm.
Sitting is current?privileged?for me. Once I realised just how distant I have been from my normal world I cut myself some slack because my body hasn't been able to do the one thing we spend most of our days doing. Sitting is the most normal position for the body most of the day. Of course my body misses normal because in my world the ability to sit without pain of fear of pain is the normal I deserve.
Greggie and I went for lunch today. We went straight back to Hodges because that's my normal. I am a creature of habit and very drawn to homely above trendy. We are usually the youngest people there and even that has become my normal. I love watching how youth has nothing to do with age.
Poor Greggie. In his world of normal his meal ends with a great cup of coffee. That's my normal too, but I'm not normal right now (stop laughing ... my normal which is perfectly normal when I am normal!)
I laughed today. Normally my day with Greggie and the people I surround myself with is filled with laughter but I have had a fear of laughing lately. My normal is to laugh at life but lately it has sent shooting pains down my leg and because my normal is this hysterical, roll around on the bed laughter, I have been afraid to do damage. Damage myself from laughing? Yes ... that's my normal. Greggie and I did that today and for a moment in time I was normal. I laughed with?reckless?abandon and felt normal for a moment in time.
During that hysterical bout of laughter I also gave myself permission to be single and find it difficult to be seen as normal sometimes. I mean really, my normal world is one where I blog about my life for all and sundry to read. My normal is my business product called?Organic Orgasm ... not everyone is going to think that's normal.
I had my first decent few hours of sleep this afternoon. I know that a big part of it was because of the treatment with Dan but another part was because I did something this is my normal. I built a crystal grid around myself and did a meditation. I haven't done that in ages and forgot just how normal that is to me.
I talk to my parrot in my world of normal.
I climb onto the back of a dragon and fly over the tiny world below whenever I am afraid and need my heart to pound a little less. That is my normal.
I am horrified that South Africa is not screening the American Country Awards because that is my normal. I forget that it's not the normal of my birth place and that what is normally playing on the radio is not even in my reality. I noticed that when we were driving and Greggie was singing along to songs I have never head of. Normal songs playing out there in the normal world - just not my world.
During my meditation today I gave myself permission to realise just how far from my normal world I have been. Writing is my normal and so is teaching - I haven't done that in ages! I could go on and list all the normals that I haven't done in months but that's not my point.
"Project me" is my normal. That's my point. No matter what has happened to the majority of my world, one thing has remained constant. "Project me" hasn't missed a day even if I had to turn to my best friend to help me blog. That means that if the blog never missed a day of normal then I never missed a day of normal too. I never gave up on our Lifeology philosophy of living with courage, consciousness and a sense of humour (without the painful laughing at times).
I still need to ride on the back of my dragon because I'm have pangs of fears as to how long it's going to take for my body to be back to normal. I am still going to cry because I can't enjoy my normal cup of tea without drinking it from a straw when I first wake up in the morning and need time to sit. I still want to gag with every tablet I swallow because tablets are not normal for me. I am still anticipating tonight and the fear of not putting my head on my pillow and being asleep by the count of ten. I'm still not completely normal in my world of normal ... but I'm still having fun!