All a girl really needs to do is vent a little.
There is something very healing in throwing all the toys out the cot and then kicking them around a little before throwing them against walls and maybe aiming at a head or two that seems to calm the insanity.
So much for thinking that I wasn't as conscious and 'fixed' as I really am. I mean really ... what part of me still works all hours of the night and has to prove something to myself or my best friend and most amazing business partner?
So I went to bed at a decent hour like a sane person, but not before battling with some other demons that were just the cherry on the cake for my manic day.
So, online dating is supposed to be fun and I don't believe it is impossible to meet some truly special this way. I know I've said it before, but my sister and her fiance me online. I've been determined to keep an open mind and, as Greggie keeps reminding me, I'm keeping it innocent and fun and enjoying being in the moment. Then why was I doubting the sincerity of someone who seems to be genuine enough?
As soon as a man asks the question: "What's your favourite position?' ... Yes, I get asked that at least once a day. Or: "Do you have a webcam?" Then I know that he's just a player. Well at least I think I think I know.
I don't want to lose the fun of chatting to boys online and I don't want to lose the innocence of thinking that they are not all out there for a quick shag. It's just how to do it that makes for an interesting conversation in my head while he's asking for pics where I'm wearing less clothes but telling me that my intelligence is the sexiest part of me at the same time.
I did something different and gave him my number ... which he didn't use, but at least I know that I know what I want. I know that I want something committed before sleeping with another man. I don't need commitment of a love ever after, but I also don't want to just give in because he's sweet enough and he's managed to say flattering enough things to get what he wants ... and I know I need!
The days are ticking by and I haven't had it in a while. My last taste of orgasmic bliss was the night before my tattoo! Eeeekkk ... I'm trying not to think that no man is ever going to see that sexy tat after all the trouble I went to add sexiness to my body ... dammit! None the less ... I'm still not just shagging without some level of commitment! Heaven help me and my self worth!
Let's see if we chat again tonight. He did end by saying that he's enjoying getting to know me ... so I'm chilling out and not being so suspicious that it's all driven by the second brain. Or is that the first?
On a much saner note, I'm finally getting the things scratched off the 'to do' list with the help of my newfound friend and blogging companion, D! We both have such a great respect for each other's work and want to see the other thrive, so we seem to be spurring each other along and supporting the cause.
In that cause I've realised that I've been putting off tedious things that I need a little guidance with ... one being shutting down my Facebook group that is pretty much dormant now that I have my fan page. The other is growing that fan page and the last is setting up my RSS feed.
It's such simple things but for some reason there are times I just need a little inspiration or my hand held. In this case the hand holding was so much needed and now I'm on a roll. Yay ... I finally have RSS feed and don't have to jump like a psycho from one blog to the next. I also don't have to jump from the group to the fan page either. It's all coming together nicely.
Talking about coming together ... I feel as though Lifeology is making a breakthrough. I can also feel that Greggie can feel it too. Or am I feeding off him feeling it? Who knows, but that's what makes it great.
We are also beginning to settle into our marketing roles and I'm loving that mine happens to be the social networking and online marketing. It's so comfortable for me here, but that's the challenge. It's not good enough to hide behind the comfort ... there is a world out there that I have to reach and I know that I am gonna need to push the boundaries to get there.
Not so psycho after all ... hmmmm 😉