What if nothing changes and it's okay? - Project Me Post 1043

29 October 2014
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[html ]After speaking to a great inspirational support of mine, and being encouraged to follow in his footsteps, I have finally embarked on writing the Project Me book.

To cut a very long story short, because this decision has been going on for well over 4 years now, I finally listened to the voices in my head. It's amazing because I tell everyone else to, but I'm the typical teacher who takes my own advice last. I've had a few interesting things happen over the past months and through watching how I handle things, I have started to feel more confident that I could share my Project Me tools and teaching with the rest of the world. You see, I'm not yet settled down and in love like the world requires. I'm also not completely financially stable like the money guru would need to be. I'm still kinda lost in the world when it comes to figuring out the very things that I know I was born to share with the world, and so I have stalled the process for far too long.

Sit down and commit two hours a day to writing! Seriously ... people have time to do that?
That was the first issue to overcome and over the past few weeks, I just haven't had a moment.

The Friday night something changed. I finally braved my way back into the dating game, only to be dumped for a first "date" (because I'm not sure if we even date anymore). I was dressed and ready to go, so I thought, fuck it and went out anyway. I took myself to an expensive restaurant and had starters and mains, while finances are a little tight and the place was filled with couples, families and groups of friends. I thought that if I didn't do this, I would crawl back into my shell and really become the spinster I fear I will end up being.
I took my notebook with (a brand new one), finished dinner while the restaurant quietened down and emptied out and then I opened the first page and wrote "Project Me Book". I then plotted out some of the lessons I would like to share, without over thinking it ... because I totally have the ability to just focus and not over think *coughs*. That was all I did ... then I headed home.

I do listen to the voices and they said, go back to the first blog post and pull out the ones that you can use directly in the book. Well, that was always the plan, but I was first going to write everything and then find the blog posts. Now the blog posts seem to be plotting my content more than I am. Of course I would turn the writing process on its head.

So I did ...
1 January 2010 and 92 post read through in the first day. I took way more than 2 hours, but I became fascinated!
Repeated patterns!!! OMG, that was all that I saw. Here I am, nearly 5 years down the line and I was my reading things that I literally happening now. The dating game, the hiding of my friend with benefits because the world says otherwise, still living with my mother & wanting silence ... wow, I even got stood up within the first 20 blog post. Exercise ... well, nothing much has changed there and as for my battle with food, that's still being written about.

I had a pang of anxiety and through that maybe now would be a great time for a career change. How could I guide the world in anything when I was repeating patterns?

Wait one minute!
The girl who got stood up the last time, took it personally and was wounded for ages, tiptoeing around men for a while while she tried to figure out what was wrong with her. Now, I put on my lipstick and threw myself back into the world.

The girl had a friend, who she said she was comfortable not being committed to, but obsessed over what it meant to be a friend with benefits and now I have an incredible bond with a special man and we are what we said we are ... because it works for me way better than the relationship choices I still know I have work to do on.

The girl who hated exercise (and still does) used to force herself to go to gym and even unconsciously injured herself to get out of it, while now I walk and do squats and feel that it is enough ... for now.

The girl had financial issues that stemmed in being petrified and unsure of the career choices, and now I have a grown up business situation of cash flow.

I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
I am determined to be more vocal about how the self help guidance we have been given might be a little too skewed for the journey of a human spirit. We have been forced into change and breaking our patterns, but maybe we are pushing to change the wrong things?
I read one of my blog posts, where I spoke about being free spirited when it comes to relationships and I also read how I made a dozen excuses about being different to my friends who settle down and get married. I then did the whole settle down thing, because it felt like the right thing to do and it was so wrong for me (maybe just for the time being) so pushed and tried to change the wrong thing. Maybe the situation hasn't finished teaching us what it needs to and it shouldn't change just yet ...

Maybe not until we have changed our perception and learned all we need to about our human spirit and just how brave, powerful and abundant we really are?

Maybe we are meant to dance to the same song over and over, until the words sink in ...[/html]

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