One step closer to me - project me day 299

27 October 2010

Now that's what I call an interesting day!

A full 2 days without any medication but the anxiety of getting myself out there and back into action still lingers. My day started with one of those surreal dreams that included Hustler Girl riding around on my 5 year old nephew's bike while I battled to get up and start my day. It then swept me off to the bathroom where I attempted to frantically rub a huge big zit off my face because The Jock had arrived?unannounced. It gets stranger because the rain washed them both a way and I was so relieved to climb back into bed. That's a clear enough indication that I wished I could have hidden away from today.

It was the first time shopping since my back 'collapsed' on me and I was determined to do it 'drug' free.
My mom and her best friend have spent their Wednesday mornings together for the past 26 years.?Traditionally?it includes shopping and coffee and no one has truly had insight into their day. Well, what an experience! These two shop, talk and shop without taking a breathe. They convinced me to wear a dress to the cup for CANSA at 93 on Jan Smuts on Sunday.

Shopping for less than 2 hours was like a marathon for me and my spine ended up feeling as though it was surrounded by jelly. It upset me at first but a special lunch with the best friend duo pushed me through and home ... still painkiller free!

As the universe goes, I ended up having a?conversation with a someone who knows backs super well and the topic of my weight came up. Yes, I'm overweight but I used to be obese!

After having a little self esteem breakdown and wanting to burn the dress, I managed to calm myself down and remind 'me' of something vital to 'project me' ... I have come so far!!!

To the person in the street who doesn't know me it tooks as though I might not take care of myself because I still have a good 15kg to lose, but I know where I was and I know where I am. I feel myself going into super low esteem when I have to remind myself that my friend, who also has a back injury, is a?triathlete. I have really been battling with the demon that I hurt myself because I didn't care enough for my body and it's a huge thing for me to be able to let that go.

Listening to my body is such a hard thing to do but I'm doing my best. On that note, if I type any longer I'm going to end up popping pain pills but I can climb into bed and as I feel my back throb and know that every sensation is a reminder that today I did more and am one step closer to me!

Tomorrow is an outing with Hustler Girl ... yippee! (and a little bit of anticipation of course!!)

9 comments on “One step closer to me - project me day 299”

    1. I didn't call you weird ... you did that to yourself 😉

      Just got back from lunch with you and had such fun ... blogging about it in a bit (giggles)

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