The quest to feel a little Shirley Valentine - project me post 1001

Although most blog posts are accompanied by a cup of tea, some courageous ones need a glass of wine or three and an over indulgent bowl of chocolate mousse. I'm trying to get through the?post?before I get to the bottom of the?bowl?or the glass ... so here goes!

I can't be sure, but I'm thinking that most people (not just?girls) who are single and have just arrived at 40, are very aware that this decade is supposed to be?filled with all things fabulous. I've slowly come to realise that?we don't wake up?one day after our birthday?and everything is different. I hope it would be like that, but alas, it felt like I had dragged my 30's with me, kicking, screaming and crying.

The clock struck 40 is September last year and I was filled with excitement and the thought of being braver, bolder and ... well ... a little like Shirley Valentine. If you're a whole lot younger than me, don't have a romantic bone in your body or have been under a rock since 1989, don't read any further until you've watched this amazing movie ...

I manifest the oddest things! It's a known fact that I decide I want something and I kinda harp on it for a ridiculously long time, then POOF, it arrives on my doorstep. I've wanted crazy things from specific material stuff, to Rome to Ronan Keating in London. I've held onto visions in my career and wanted very specific moments or people that I've been determined to meet. Then I've wanted my Shirley Valentine experience.

I'm a nerd!
You know that right?
When it comes to relationships and relating ... I'm such a nerd! Well, maybe I'm ultra cautious and very protective of both my heart and my reputation. Then there's this other side of me, who has been woken up by the combination of my project me journey and this magic number, forty!

Everything has shifted. I want bolder things. I want more exciting experiences. I want to manifest wilder moment in both my personal life and my career. I have discovered that I can have abundance and now I want it in many different forms.

Somehow, the thing I seemed to want to pursue most of all (except my very fancy Paul's Boutique handbag, which I finally got myself for Christmas) was this escape from the world, with a man who would mean something very dear to me, until the credits were about to role and I realised that I'm really happy in my real world. I even went as far as nearly sending myself off to Italy early this year. I got hold of a charming Italian friend who owns a guest house, told him to reserve me a room and start thinking about all of the single men he know. I kid you not!!!
Life and circumstances change and I couldn't just hop on a plane and live out my bizarre idea of a healing journey. It's like that song by Carly Simon, "I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me." I wasn't going to rest until I let go, took some risk is THAT department and felt a little like I had set myself free from my own rules and boundaries.

Shirley Valentine

There's different degrees of detail, but in a nutshell, I ran as far away from my life as possible, checked into a hotel, for 5 days, without any plans ... and then made one! It was a whole lot of fun spending time with a near stranger and getting lost in a world that we both knew would only last as long as the holiday.

I contemplated sharing this story, but if it hadn't been so life changing and empowering, it would have been one I preferred to keep under the radar. However ... the turn of events ended up having one of the most profound Project Me impacts in a very long time.

So here goes ...

I spend my life thinking that men will overlook me for my weight. Then they don't and I spend the rest of my time thinking that far more wouldn't overlook me ... because of my weight. Sometimes I'm sure I am, but this weekend not. This weekend it didn't even feature.

Instead there was another obstacle.
I always try convince myself and everyone around me that my life is pretty simple and I'm just an average girl. I really try and fit into that role and turn the focus to how chilled out I promise I can be.
I'm not ...

I get given cars, hotel suites, champagne when I call for it. I hang out with celebrities and influencers and everyone wants a moment of my time when they figure out who I am. I NEVER would have admitted this was an okay part of my life before, because I'm so stuck on the fear of the world misunderstanding me. There's this humble part of me that began this journey online and I spend my days worrying that someone's going to miss it that humility.

I spend my life telling men I'm just this simple girl, but when my holiday adventurer freaked out about the abnormality of my life and referred to it as Hollywood and me as intense, I had to start admitting some truth to myself.

In steps the real Shirley Valentine lessons. Again ... if you haven't watched the movie, do so now to avoid the spoiler.
Going away and leaving your world behind, stepping into a character you thought you had, but weren't sure. The best that can happen is loving that side of yourself and knowing you have to come back to reality with it awakened. The worst than can happen is loving that side of yourself and knowing you have to come back to reality with that side of you awakened.

I loved that side of myself!!!
That absolute true Shirley Valentine moment, where you know you are changed forever, because you let go and took the time to be the woman you tried so hard not to be. That even truer moment where I knew that I had some things to admit to myself ...

I'm an influencer! I'm not simple and my life is a whole lot of outrageous and in the spotlight at times. My ordinary is not someone else's everyday. The events that transpired made it clearer ... and clearer, until I was finally lying in the king size bed of a luxury suite, with a glass of champagne in my hand and I realised, I will never be the same again after admitting that I'm not your Average Jo!