Sadly this exciting blog also has to be kept to a very short one. Yesterday I woke up and I as I rolled over I heard something give way in my back. I'm not back to square one, but actually I feel as though I'm a few steps further behind than when I started. My body is trying to tell me something and I have to sit up, pay attention and jump in to help myself. It started with a long day yesterday and sitting at a very disorganised hospital in order to get a simple set of x-ray.
I know this blog as been Greggie this and Greggie that but it's days like yesterday that I know the world gets how lucky I am to have a friendship as important as this. I personally self destruct and that's why I decided to make 'project me' the public forum that it became. It's less likely that some of us fall back into old patterns when we know that others love us and believe enough in us not to carry on with the?destructive?mode. My friend has helped me remain calm, positive and kind to myself while this uncontrollable pain eats away at me.
It's?devastating?to admit that I totally understand why people take their own lives because they can't take the pain anymore. I know that I might not be experiencing nearly as much pain as others in this world but it's my pain and only I can feel it. I know I have a high pain threshold but this is beyond explanation. Sometimes the fear of eternal debilitation kicks in and I have to stop the cold racing feeling gush through my veins. ... This is break one from typing today's post because it's too sore ... hold on a sec 😉
A pack of peas and 5 country songs later!
Not even the tea is working as usual so I've switched to pain pills which haven't passed my lips ill well over 9 years. I'm proud to be living true to my word and listening to my body's needs and right now it needs two things ... good friends and anything to numb the pain.
Good friends came in the perfect dose of a dinner that Greggie prepared for us. Missy Daisy is my newest friend recruit seeing as she is now Greggie's tenant. She's awesome and it looks like I have me speed dating and other fun adventures partner right here.
I haven't seen Risky Business in months and it was a treat to spend time with him. I don't have to gush at how much I adore this super young stud but when he was horrified to discover that I'm turning 37 he became my most favourite gay boy in town 😉
Greggie made good old fashoined roast chicken and potatoes with all the trimming and it was exactly what this weary body needed. At some point in the evening everyone noticed that I was able to stand a little straight and had a significantly noticeable smile on my face. Even though the wine was flowing, it was?definitely?being amongst beautiful people that just lifted my spirits.
The whole time the book that Hustler Girl gave me was sitting on the dinner table and Missy Daisy and I were in stitches as we openly discussed girlie bits and just how true vaginal orgasm is ... for that answer I think you should be dashing off to Sexpo to hear me speak.
Oh, did you guess that I'm freaking out about the talk and my inability to be on top form to prepare and to be myself on those day? The chiro told me that the 3 T's cause this kind of back injury ... Trauma, Toxins and Thoughts ... who wants to be that thoughts bought this house crashing down?
Beyond it all I'm still clinging to 'project me' and living each day just as I had set out to do ... hold that though ... it's time for a back break and another country song and cup of tea! Back in a bit (excuse the pun!!)
Right, 40 winks and another few country songs and it's the final push for the day. I forgot to mention that my mom is so awesome and bought me a new?mattress. She's convinced it was the old on with no springs or support at all.
Talking about my mom and support, here's a very special 'project me' story.
Years ago my mom had a bad?phenol?burn on her face and an incredible dear friend and past student of my moms jumped in to save her. The product is called Regim A and it literally saved my mom's skin. Along the lines I've been moaning sufficiently about my constant break-outs and my mom knows how my skin has been driving me nuts over the years.
Regim A have jumped on board 'project me' in the most amazing way and I received a parcel with my name on it. Boy do I love parcels. This one was filled with sample products and a note offering to be yet another amazing sponsor of 'project me'. Just in time because the stress has caused yet another break-out and now I'm double stressing because I have to be on stage in less than three weeks and my skin is a mess.
In the next few weeks I will be on a full range of Regim A products, but in the meantime I am using the samples and making sure that the range agrees with me.
Through it all I am still manifesting amazing things and that has to say something about my attitude. I could be more frustrated but I couldn't be more grateful or proud of myself either.
I couldn't be more afraid of the longterm impact of my back issues but I also couldn't be more determined to heal.
I couldn't be more sore but I also couldn't be more blessed either.
Two and a bit weeks to Sexpo! Regim A as yet another incredible sponsor! Beautiful friends, gorgeous family, nearly a clothes size down because I haven't been emotional eating through this all and 13 days till my birthday!
I'm still shouting 'woo hoo' in between the screeches of 'ouch'!