It's been a whole day of teaching from 8:30 until just through the first half of the Germany verse Argentina game. Yep, at the moment those things mark time. Greggie asked me the strangest question tonight when I worked out that our Tuesday night class clashes with a semi final game of the 2010 world cup soccer. He asked if helping people heal or the soccer was more important ... what a silly question, of course the soccer is more important.
That's unusual for a girl who used to be a workaholic and misunderstood the power of being a teacher. I used to think that I was responsible for people's healing and I used to think that hard work created success. I had heard it before, but Greggie was the one who?made?me realise that it's not the hard work that creates?the?good fortune, but the passion with which I work and the love that I have for what i do.
Today I loved what I did. 'Project me'?flourished because I flourished.??I flourished because I let myself be the ideal teacher. The one who is not afraid to show my students that I learn from them and that no teacher is healed and has all the answers. Sometimes I can relate and when they sit and look at for answers I am brave enough to tell them that I see myself through their situations and?uncertainly on how to heal.??Today I saw myself and did 'project me' the greatest justice by showing?vulnerability, shedding a tear and admitting that I don't have all the answers to heal myself, but I don't think it can't be done. How? I don't know ... except for being conscious and kind to myself.
It's back to the same old story ... the way I eat and exercise. Well ... there's no exercise at the moment and eating has become very unconscious. Things aren't as they were though and this is where I always remember that every day we wake up a little older and a little wiser. No matter what ... each day we have the choice to be a little more conscious. That's what I taught today ... I might not have the magical formula that stops me from slipping back into unconscious eating or can't drag me out of bed to go to gym, but I do have the power to be kinder to myself and give myself the greatest gift of all ... self acceptance.
Today I saw myself in one of my students and the message I gave her is the on that has carried me through 'project me'. I have been conscious for 182 days ... I've been conscious that I live happy and healthy and with fun and a freedom of spirit, but I have also been conscious that I have the ability to be hard on myself and sabotage my efforts.
Right now I am consciously watching myself be unconscious and everyday I am that little more aware that my usual patterns are not having the same impact anymore. I might even try and hurt myself a little more for a little longer because that's what I do, but every day I wake up I am more conscious and that is impossible to undo.