Injuring my back to the extend I did and watching myself surrender to things like medication, bed rest and still not having driven my car since the middle of August, I've really been faced with two choices: Fall to pieces or fight on. I think we've gathered by now that I'm the fight on kinda girl.
I did have a moment with Greggie the other day where I told him that I wished I could splash a Facebook status out there telling everyone that I'm not as strong as they think I am and that I don't have it in me to carry on like this. I also had a moment where I told my mom that I just wanted the back op ... the easy way out.
I've never done the easy way out in my entire life. Why would I start now?
That's what finally made me decide to accept the Slimlab tight ' n tone sponsorship ... because I did two things. I listened with an open mind, to someone else and to myself.
Let's face it ... over the 326 days of getting to know me there have been weight issues and sugar imbalances riddled throughout my blog ... and throughout my life way before 'project me' even began. I've always said that I'm not trying to pull a Kelly Osbourne (although, I do love her tattoos ... hmmmm) but on holiday I could see how annoying I was at photo time. I can feel how stressed I am about my sister's wedding and I look back at my super fat pics and know I want to do this. Good God, I've tried.
It's been an interesting journey with Greggie over the past few days. All of a sudden I've allowed myself to show him the extent of my shame around the issue and have also braved realising that I am the one with the answers for myself. He is the one who reminded me that I would never do anything to settle, to harm myself or to sell myself short and then I decided to do something different. I woke up at the beginning of this week and told myself I could do one thing different ... I could fight the cravings. Yep ... the sugar cravings!
Sigh ... I haven't managed to do it one day this week. Last night we were out and there was a piece of chocolate sitting on the coffee table and staring back at me. It took so much willpower not to eat it that it actually rattled my nerves. I know some people think that one piece of chocolate cake won't hurt, but that was after a chocolate and a decent amount of crisps. It would hurt ... mainly because I didn't even feel like it, but that's not how cravings work. Are you going to be super proud of me when I say I went home without having any cake? Yay ... um NO! By the time I got home my usual patterns had kicked in, my sugars and my mind where reeling and I ended up having a decent helping of toast with butter before bed. Again ... sigh!
SlimLab tight n' tone has nothing I can argue with. It's been approved by the medical board and is the only tablet of its kind to have that stamp of approval. It has no?caffeine or the other bad word that goes into slimming tablets that I just can't remember, but this is what sold me ... it deals with insulin levels and it's designed to help with cravings. Remember ... I'm on medication and it's not helping!
I know me and I know it's got nothing to do with not giving 'project me' my all. I've also learned when to fight, when to ask for help and when to be totally grateful for the incredible timing of a little assistance along the way. So here I am saying a big thank you to SlimLab tight and tone for settling my fears about slimming tablets, choosing me to represent their product and reminding me that cravings are not punishable and neither is being overweight!
Before I go and get ready to take some friends to yummy sponsor, Thava Indian Restaurant, I have to share one realisation that I had last night while staring at the chocolate cake. With the archetype work I have done I am very aware that I have a shame-riddle relationship with the world. I worry about my reputation and what the world thinks of me (well, let me say worried about it). Last night I went: "hey, what shame-riddled person splashes their life, body and love issues for the world to see?"
'Project me' would never have been if I hadn't have done a bigger amount of work on my life that I have realised. I guess once again I realise that I'm a little more further along than I gave myself credit for. Now to show myself the same gift with this precious body of mine!