Every solstice I reflect on where I am and where I know I want to be. Winter solstice is about celebrating slowly coming out of the dark (usually not the most blossoming time of life both emotionally and spiritually) and starting to move into the sunshine of our lives. Of course the cycle is ever changing, with the seasons and we continue to move into the space of light and shadow ... because this is how we grow, just like flowers.
I'm so used to quietly making my way through a solstice. Sometime it's filled with focus and ritual and other times it's an excuse to be quiet and reflect. This time, it was as a single woman on a very special friend's wedding day. The gift of being asked to a wedding so intimate completely overshadowed my single at 40 stigma ... for a while. I did have pangs of oh woe is me for a few days before, but felt the comfort of knowing that other single humans do exist and they would also be there ... single and human.
Sitting under the crisp winter sky, with the mixture of belief systems, from Pagan to Jewish to Christian, I consciously and purposefully thanked the Universe for the perfect time and place for me to bid farewell to my winter self and start heading into the lighter side of life.
Oh look ... love!!
Oh look ... happiness!!
Oh look ... crazy love
Oh look ... simple happiness
Oh look ... perfect happiness and love in crazy people
I couldn't have asked for a more perfect ritual. I couldn't have asked for more special & happy friends to be my meditation and reminder that love is ... actually all around!
I've really felt like a spinster over the last few months. I have done that cold hearted thing and blamed nearly every aspect of my self for not being able to attract love. I've done the not pretty enough, not thin enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough, now witty enough, not ...
But then the wedding was filled with other singles. Pretty, perfectly figured, very attractive, super smart, oh so funny ... yet single! I'm sure I'm not the only one who find comfort in times like these. It may be the lowest form of a self esteem booster, but it worked non the less.
The combination of being revitalised from watching such happiness and love as my friends married and tipping the scale to a handful of singles all going through our own stuff ... but all wanting just a sample of that love to take home and create dream from, was the best way to see a solstice through.
Sunday rolled over and it was a rushed combination of breakfast with the bride and groom (because single girls don't drive home alone after weddings AKA any excuse to stay in a hotel for a night), scones with new friends from the Twitterverse and then a social media publicity stint and the Joburg Theatre. All I wanted to do was climb into bed and absorb some of the realisations I had over the past hours ... but first, Chinese.
I chilled a little with the food and enjoyed the treats of wedding cake and scones so I decided that noodles were the prefect end to the weekend. Any excuse for a fortune cookie, with the slight hope that there's a profound, life changing message, like "your single days are soon over" or more specifically, "Mr Right will be waiting for you on Thursday at this unexpected meeting spot, to meet unexpectedly ... be there!!" ... if only I believed in such clear fortune telling.
Anyway, a fortune cookie, with a simple message ...
Yet a very special message. I'm slowly starting to develop Project Me into a proper working process, with workshops and app and ebooks and anything else anyone can suggest and I can manifest. The winter of Project Me is also coming to an end and it is very much time for it to blossom in the sunshine of time. One of the big parts of Project Me and The Foundation of our Lifeology teachings is the simple question, "Are you having fun?"
I can honestly answer yes ... 97,3% of the time ...