There's a Country song that is the only thing barely pulling me through today. It reminds me that lust when I think I've given all I've got I find that me that I never knew I had.
I can't lie ... I'm hanging on a thread but I can't let anyone down and I don't want to let me down most of all ... I can do this! I want to do this. It's only half about my back now. The rest is my body in total shock from the overwhelming size of sexpo and the number of ppl I am talkikg to while I am not on form at all. This country isn't as ready for Sexpo as I thought. The fun side of it where they can hide their insecurities .... Yes! But me talking about masturbation like I'm asking to pass the salt sends waves of shame through the crowd and I don't feel strong enough to not get sucked down by the energy.
Holy shit ... My body has never known exhaustion, pain, meds or the adrenalin of the reality of my career choices. I feel like I'm not gonna get thru this ... Am I?
I'm tapping into every healing power I know. I'm reminding myself why I put the tattoo on my back, that I am that powerful and my dad gave me his 'never give up' fighting spirit ... And it still doesn't feel like I am physically strong enough! OMG and I believe we create our own realities!
