Sorry dad it had to be done - project me day 434

10 March 2011

I think we all have a side of our personalities that our family doesn't get to see and then all of a sudden you emerge with some part of yourself that is surprising to them. I'm not surprised at myself at all. It's something I've always known and I think I remember trying very hard to express it as a child, but eventually I must have gotten tired of the attempt and packed it away in a box only to be unleashed when least expected.

My dad would have hated it.

It can be illusive as to what I do all day and sometimes I'm sure my family wonder how I get by and make a living. I always seem to be pottering and how far does that get one in life? What they got a taste of yesterday is that I don't?procrastinate and I don't hoard. Yes, the one has nothing to do with the other, but in this case it would be the two worst energies to have.

We are moving house in less than 20 day and it's filled with stuff accumulated over nearly 45 years of my parent's marriage and the comings and goings of 5 children and 4 grandchildren. That's a lot of stuff. I can't blame my mom for being frozen with anticipation at starting the very?tedious?process of ?sorting and throwing out.
The toughest part is that my father was the eternal hoarder and there are things he carried from one house to the other, despite the items uselessness or?dysfunctionality.

In 2004 my family home burned down. At that time I had moved all of my belongings back home because I was sharing with a friend who had a furnished house. My business was also in one section of my parent's home at that time. Baring a fire hose soaked item or two, I lost everything. We all lost everything. The things we didn't lose, my father washed and put back into storage and I can't blame him for hanging onto the last few things he had. That also gave him permission to unleash himself into the world and restock the house ... with more useless and?dysfunctional?stuff.

Don't think I didn't cry yesterday, but no part of needs to hold on to anything material in order to carry the memory of my dad or my incredible life as a member of this family. I think a lot of that changed after the fire and I realised that you can lose it all but you don't have to lose any part of you in the process. If anything, it made me stronger and braver.

I knew that tossing out nearly 80% of the past wasn't going to be easy, but it sure was good for the soul. That unexpected side of me that seems to let the days pass by, went on a mission and sorted out the majority of the house in one swoop.

Secret stashes of tinned food and bottled preserve of my dad's was found hidden in a corner. We laugh and we cried. Silver salt and pepper sets that are over 40 years old and the most hideous soup bowls that my father must have found at a second hand store ... these things were all pondered over. Keep this, toss that!

He would have hated yesterday and would have been most annoyed with me. I can imagine the scene ... as I finished tossing it, he would have snuck it back into a corner somewhere. It's not easy to let go but once you let go of people as special as my dad ... I'm sure he understands that no crystal vase or antique tea pot is that difficult to give up.

PS ... don't let Saphirah fool you ... she didn't do much more than chase the odd fly and knock over a well piled stash of trash 😉

10 comments on “Sorry dad it had to be done - project me day 434”

  1. Stuff is just stuff... but memories are a whole other issue.

    Oddly enough I've got a drawer of stuff. On first inspection it's largely junk. But you couldn't put a price on it. Funny how that happens. Truly proving that one mans junk is another's treasure. Antiques... valuables... they aren't really that treasured when you consider it. Until you can attach real value to them.

    Saphirah is a cat, expect her to do nothing more than fill the occasional box (with herself). That's what cats do. 😀
    My recent post Bleeding Heart

    1. I will most certainly leave this house with a small box of 'stuff' and it will also just look like stuff from the outside.
      As for Saphirah ... well she's found her box and she's not budging from it 😉

    1. I think a lot of that stuff if what we hold dear to us and has no material worth. I will be taking a little stash of things I can't give a way with me ... of course.

      Seeing where you come from, I'm not sure if you know I do sex talks and have a website I do talks in Cape Town and am having some there next week. Would be great to spread the word through your network.

    1. Thank you so much my hunny! And thank you for commenting on my blog ... it always means more than people will ever know!

  2. One of the FEW things I love about moving, is the things you find. Things you don't remember getting or that you thought you lost. I am not a hoarder by any means, but I do see some items as time capsules of sorts as they take me back to a certain time of my life. I have had to get rid of many things over our many moves, LOL, it's not easy at the time but later it's almost refreshing. It's one less thing to worry about, and it gives room for a new journey.

    I love the random stash of canned goods, that's awesome 😉
    My recent post Ah monkey nuts

    1. Well my mother is currently going through all the things we were planning to throw out and softening to the easy tossing process. I guess there are some things we just can't let go of.
      It's true, it does all become a time capsule of sorts 😉

      PS ... so excited about your new house and your upcoming move ... there's a lot of that going around!

  3. I think Uncle Max gave Mervyn lotsa Shaer genes. Whew we tossed and we tossed and we tossed. Really really really bad. Now all that's left are boxes of CD's and a cupboard full of magic books! One day some young kid will say to me "I really love card and close up magic" and then I will offload. Till then (and remembering that the first time I met him he was doing magic card tricks at the Carlton Centre - must have been about 1978), they will sleep in the cupboard in the garage. Lotsa love during the big trek. xxxxxxxx

    1. There truly are certain things that we also can't throw away because they have Maxie written all over them. Books happen to be one of them ... cook books of course! It was tough to have to go through the kitchen and get rid of things knowing that no one would ever cook anything the way my dad used to.
      The memories we have of the precious men in our lives are truly beautiful!

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