I think we all have a side of our personalities that our family doesn't get to see and then all of a sudden you emerge with some part of yourself that is surprising to them. I'm not surprised at myself at all. It's something I've always known and I think I remember trying very hard to express it as a child, but eventually I must have gotten tired of the attempt and packed it away in a box only to be unleashed when least expected.
My dad would have hated it.
It can be illusive as to what I do all day and sometimes I'm sure my family wonder how I get by and make a living. I always seem to be pottering and how far does that get one in life? What they got a taste of yesterday is that I don't?procrastinate and I don't hoard. Yes, the one has nothing to do with the other, but in this case it would be the two worst energies to have.
We are moving house in less than 20 day and it's filled with stuff accumulated over nearly 45 years of my parent's marriage and the comings and goings of 5 children and 4 grandchildren. That's a lot of stuff. I can't blame my mom for being frozen with anticipation at starting the very?tedious?process of ?sorting and throwing out.
The toughest part is that my father was the eternal hoarder and there are things he carried from one house to the other, despite the items uselessness or?dysfunctionality.
In 2004 my family home burned down. At that time I had moved all of my belongings back home because I was sharing with a friend who had a furnished house. My business was also in one section of my parent's home at that time. Baring a fire hose soaked item or two, I lost everything. We all lost everything. The things we didn't lose, my father washed and put back into storage and I can't blame him for hanging onto the last few things he had. That also gave him permission to unleash himself into the world and restock the house ... with more useless and?dysfunctional?stuff.
Don't think I didn't cry yesterday, but no part of needs to hold on to anything material in order to carry the memory of my dad or my incredible life as a member of this family. I think a lot of that changed after the fire and I realised that you can lose it all but you don't have to lose any part of you in the process. If anything, it made me stronger and braver.
I knew that tossing out nearly 80% of the past wasn't going to be easy, but it sure was good for the soul. That unexpected side of me that seems to let the days pass by, went on a mission and sorted out the majority of the house in one swoop.
Secret stashes of tinned food and bottled preserve of my dad's was found hidden in a corner. We laugh and we cried. Silver salt and pepper sets that are over 40 years old and the most hideous soup bowls that my father must have found at a second hand store ... these things were all pondered over. Keep this, toss that!
He would have hated yesterday and would have been most annoyed with me. I can imagine the scene ... as I finished tossing it, he would have snuck it back into a corner somewhere. It's not easy to let go but once you let go of people as special as my dad ... I'm sure he understands that no crystal vase or antique tea pot is that difficult to give up.
PS ... don't let Saphirah fool you ... she didn't do much more than chase the odd fly and knock over a well piled stash of trash 😉