I feel like saying 'The End' and being done with the post but that would be a bit of a 'project me' cop-out.
So I'm nervous, of course! I'm trying to figure out whether two teenagers is better than 2 little kids, but I don't think trying to compare makes any difference. The fact is that I'm totally in love with their dad and all I want them to do is like me and know that I'm going to be around for a very long time.
Pat has a crazy sense of humour and an interesting way of dealing with this very unexpected love that we have found, so most of the time he makes out like I'm a witch and that, and I quote: 'Marriage is the first step to divorce!'
The joy of 'project me' is that I've learned to speak my truth before someone reads it in my blog, especially Pat. So he knows that all I want is for him to not make 100 stupid jokes that leaves people guessing as to whether I actually make him happy or not.
But then I had an amazing skype chat with my dear friend, Pixelslave, who has moved back to her home town and to the love of her life. Without even realising it, she calmed my nerves and settled my heart. Pixelslave has been around since as long as I've been with Pat and she's watched our relationship grow, just as I have watched hers. She has her?insecurities?and have mine, but then that's what friendships are for ... to get the other person to calm the hell down.
She reminded me that you can't miss how happy Pat and I are and that she also gave me the gift or remembering that I'm a generally likable person. If the kids see how happy their dad is, I'm sure they couldn't ask for anything more.
It didn't take away from the anticipation of a holiday that's taking place in about 3 weeks time. But I've made friends with them of Facebook and keeps saying 'hi' whenever their dad is chatting to them on the phone.
So I'm kicking into faith about a lot of things: that I will get on well with 2 teenage kids who will hopefully love me one day and accept me as their dad's very loving and committed person.
Can you see I'm dancing around the marriage thing?
It's something he's done and something I never wanted to do. I would be telling the biggest 'project me' lie if I didn't say I want to spend the rest of my life with him and he know it. It might not end up being the conventional way, but I'm having faith in that too ... that promise of tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
So for the moment I'm going to end my long and sometimes very scary year with the adventure of a lifetime. I'm going to the see with people that I have chosen to call family ... and I'm doing it my way, the only way I know how ... with an abundance of love!