In creating my own reality, I choose what to believe and it always becomes my truth. I spend my life saying 'I am that powerful', 'you are the powerful', and 'we are that powerful'. One of my realities is that everything has its duality. Light has dark, love has hate, happiness has sadness.
I had one of those days filled with perfect duality. I use the word 'perfect' very?loosely because I wasn't feeling much perfection while weeping into a towel because tissues weren't capable of absorbing the tears.
I woke up to the drained feeling that has been filling my days but found the determination to go to gym with pride and enthusiasm. I went from bouncing excitement that I am constantly going to gym to almost having to hold onto the rail for the last lap around the track because my body was that exhausted.
On the way home I had a long chat with myself and the encouraging speech got me fired up to get a lot off my to-do list. Sadly, I walked into the dual feeling of a destructive speech in one of those conversations that starts with 'don't say aything, but ...'. I hate those conversations because I live in utter truth. YES ... I do live in utter truth. I can't even lie if the tea is too cold and I don't appreciate other's not being able to speak their truth to me.
Calm moved to rage and pride moved to shattered esteem.
I decided not to drain my business partner with the duality of my emotion because he's on a roll and I didn't feel it fair. Instead, from feeling engulfed with support I felt alone in the world, but that duality served a purpose too. I worked my little butt off ... not out of spite and to 'show them' (all those who think I am failing or going to fail), but because I am a surviver and I believe enough in myself and my dreams.
My post starts with a beautiful picture and saying that a friend made just because she wanted to remind me of how much she loves and appreciates me. I stared into my own eyes and loved the light and joy that I shine into the world.
However, just a few moments prior my can opener broke and I had enough rage in those very eyes to take a knife to the can and literally stab and tear it open. If there were the need I might even have used me teeth.
One man let my down by ignoring me because I hurt him with my truth and another made my day by sending me a message that said "Keep it up girl, and never stop believing in yourself."
One friend praised me for what I do and another said she can't associate her business with my venture of empowering women through my Organic Orgasm talks.
I was the closest to having the most visits on my site in a day and then the furthest away when my hosting company failed me again and my site went down.
I cried with absolute self pity and then laughed with absolute self pride.
Yet, through it all I did some things I never thought I would do ... I never forgot the beauty of it all. I honoured every emotion and every thought. I didn't shy away from the hatred or anger and I didn't try deny that I am perfect in my eyes. And when my friend sent me that beautiful gesture and perfect saying and I stared at the can I had just mutilated ... I smiled at my truth that everything is (as always) exactly as it should be.