Firstly, I can't believe that there are only 65 days to go until the end of the year. I remember thinking I was nuts to try and attempt blogging every day for a year and I can't believe how time has flown. Now I'm beginning a countdown to year two. Interestingly, I could run away from the commitment on days like these but as we know those are the moments that I cling to 'project me' most of all and that I find security in my blogging.
At this moment my back is still adjusting to me sitting and I am holding it all together because all I really want to do is burst out crying, throw my laptop and smash glass to release the frustration. At the same moment I am helping my brother work on his new and very exciting business and I could sit and help him for hours. I can feel the pain let go a little when I get lost in the best things in life!
Today was my lunch with Hustler Girl and to our delight Greggie gate crashed. The anticipation of going out with anyone but Greggie was so intense that I had waves of nausea before my very special friend arrived to fetch me. On the other hand, we are so close that I could share my anxiety with her and felt a little more settled than I had expected to be. Once again, I'm realising that it's in those moments of truth that my body lets go a little.
Of course we ended up having a scream of a time because the three of us are just trouble together. Greggie only had to check on me once and I was honest enough to sit and stand ever few moments because it wasn't the most comfortable of days. Food is one of those best things in life and I have learned that gift thanks to Greggie and his non issue with food. I have grown up with food issues, so to put it all down and indulge in great food has become a treat for me.
Sadly I'm not feeling great about myself and I know that it has nothing to do with the food I put in my mouth and everything to do with what my own mind is doing to myself. My clothes say one thing and my mind says another but that didn't stop Hustler Girl and myself savouring every mouthful of one of the best bowl of ice cream and chocolate sauce I have had in a very long time. If ever I don't blog and you worry that I have fallen off the planet, just find Piza e Vino and I'll be tucking into my best thing in life ... ice cream.
I'm not done with the frustration though ... I started a blog for Manifestation Myths today and only got a paragraph in. I got home from lunch and couldn't face sitting so I watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. That took a while, but not long enough and in the end I had to surrender to the fact that there would be not more writing for me today. Thanks to Greggie I don't feel as though my day was a total waste because he added the second of my Organic Orgasm talks to YouTube. I can't begin to express how much I miss my writing and I am being kind to myself by acknowledging that I am not ignoring my writing but truly taking the time to heal my body.
I still can't believe that it's day 300. I adored my time with Hustler Girl and Greggie. I surrendered to writing for yet another day and have given myself permission to take these baby steps without punishing myself. I indulged in ice cream and got lost in the world of magick and Potter. I daydreamed about my successes, my purpose and my future. I cried. I'm having supper with my mother, sister and brother. I can feel my toes. I had a day filled with all the best things in life.