I don't know when last I blogged twice in one day, or if I've even done it (besides when I was obsessed with possibly missing a day in my pursuit of daily blogging) but today calls for a double dose.
It's not just any day. It's a day that I'm super proud of my achievements and couldn't wait to tell the world. On the other hand, it's also a date that I wasn't quite sure what to do with. They stick in your mind for months on end while waiting to celebrate them and then all of a sudden you wish you didn't remember them at all. That's today for me ... the day I got engaged a year ago.
I got engaged!
That's all I've been thinking about as I let the emotions roll around in my head today. I have been thinking about it so much and because telling myself the truth is so vital along the road of #projectme, I have to admit that only one part of "us" truly got engaged.
I planned to ask him on the leap year day of 29 Feb but we had a big fight before and it kind of ended up as the way I said I wanted to get engaged. I think he played along because he did love me the best way he know how ... but this moment of realisation is all about ME!
I have finally started to admit that I tried to hard, pushed to hard, hoped to hard and that I didn't have enough faith in myself or the journey to just let the natural course happens. It's now happened and I'm really where I should be. I can see all the fears and frustrations that drove me to desperately want the commitment, but I can also now see that commitment has to be a very definite two way decision.
I've also realised so much that I know I want from love. I thought I was too much of a hopeless romantic and that I needed to tone it down, but I don't want to. I have learned that I love who I am and that I can have romance and happiness in?abundance?... I compromised a lot of that in the belief that no man who meet up to my romantic expectations.
But today ... as I stare at the empty space on my finger ... I know this date will be long forgotten and I will have done a lot of?forgiving of myself. And then I know that another day will become important. One that is given to me as a gift ... when I least expect it, because I most deserve it!
You will be given may days as a gift dear friend. Even this one is your gift to remind you of how really special you are. And that you are deserving of true romantic madness at its best! Love you madly and wishing you a wonderful day!
Thank you so much my E! I think of your special journey of love and the beautiful family that you now have and it keeps me holding on to what I know I deserve. I wish I could just hug you, but you know my arms are always wrapped around you and your special loves.
I thought of you this morning when I saw in my timeline history that it was a year ago today. Big hugs, and keep looking at that empty finger with a smile, because the best is yet to happen and that is exciting!
Your comment means so very much to me hun. Thank you 🙂
Yes, this empty finger truly is a reminder of what I want and deserve in my life! Much love to you hunny