I don't know when last I blogged twice in one day, or if I've even done it (besides when I was obsessed with possibly missing a day in my pursuit of daily blogging) but today calls for a double dose.
It's not just any day. It's a day that I'm super proud of my achievements and couldn't wait to tell the world. On the other hand, it's also a date that I wasn't quite sure what to do with. They stick in your mind for months on end while waiting to celebrate them and then all of a sudden you wish you didn't remember them at all. That's today for me ... the day I got engaged a year ago.
I got engaged!
That's all I've been thinking about as I let the emotions roll around in my head today. I have been thinking about it so much and because telling myself the truth is so vital along the road of #projectme, I have to admit that only one part of "us" truly got engaged.
I planned to ask him on the leap year day of 29 Feb but we had a big fight before and it kind of ended up as the way I said I wanted to get engaged. I think he played along because he did love me the best way he know how ... but this moment of realisation is all about ME!
I have finally started to admit that I tried to hard, pushed to hard, hoped to hard and that I didn't have enough faith in myself or the journey to just let the natural course happens. It's now happened and I'm really where I should be. I can see all the fears and frustrations that drove me to desperately want the commitment, but I can also now see that commitment has to be a very definite two way decision.
I've also realised so much that I know I want from love. I thought I was too much of a hopeless romantic and that I needed to tone it down, but I don't want to. I have learned that I love who I am and that I can have romance and happiness in?abundance?... I compromised a lot of that in the belief that no man who meet up to my romantic expectations.
But today ... as I stare at the empty space on my finger ... I know this date will be long forgotten and I will have done a lot of?forgiving of myself. And then I know that another day will become important. One that is given to me as a gift ... when I least expect it, because I most deserve it!