The diary of a self esteem - project me day 383

18 January 2011

Dear diary

It's very seldom that I don't feel like blogging for the world to see and allowing everyone into my head and my heart.

There is a fortune going on between the notification that we have to be out of the house by July and little sis's wedding in about 25 days time. The events are all very exciting but issues of money are tampering with the esteem and the outlook on the momentous occasions.

Wasn't yesterday great? With all the planning for the growth of the blog and how damn confident am I of what I want and deserve? Then do you have any idea why I got home and after hitting that crazy wave of exhaustion, I hit a complete downer?
It's annoying me that I have to tell everyone that I had a nice binge eat to cope with the wavering esteem. Well I could focus on the better part of the esteem and say I shoveled healthy(er) crackers down my throat instead of half a dozen slices of bread.

I don't mind sharing that I'm dealing with the elevator phobia! That's a good distraction and a nice boost for the esteem. But then again I have only really adjusted to the one at Twinkletoe's apartment and I can't spend my life only visiting him.
That was huge for the esteem actually. Usually I only share the madness of my mind and the shame that plagues me with Greggie and my mom. I know I'm getting better at blogging about it, but I haven't really let another friend in to hear some of the madness that goes on. It was great to let Twinkletoes in, even though I had a few moments of 'pass me the wine' to get through the truths. There was the low freak out esteem part of only owning a fridge at my age. I mean really, I'm the girl who know that value and worth is not material and my esteem is high in the clouds when knowing what I can manifest. A fridge today and all I can dream of tomorrow. Maybe it's not so bad to let everyone see how irrational the esteem can be, after all, that is what I want to share as a teacher, right?

One of the things I pride myself in is not only showing the world the well put together, positive affirmations, all is rosy girl! That's super high esteem as it is.

Not forgetting that I stuck to a huge 'project me' promise and invited my dearest friends to Lammas,the first Pagan festival,of the year. No hesitations! No regrets! Just a great pride in my beliefs and an excitement that I'm sticking to my 'project me' promises and that my path is so beautiful and very me. That's not to say that I won't mess with the esteem as it gets closer to the time considering I shall be showing my alter and a simple version of some pagan gratitude to mother earth and a few gods and goddesses. Huge esteem Jodene, well done you!!

Why then, with all the positivity, exciting things to look forward to and glimmers of greatness, don't I feel like blogging at all? Not that I'm not gonna ... right? This is me!! The girl who sees the glass half full! So enough hiding from the world, but thanks for being there for me to rant a little and build up that esteem until I felt ready enough to blog ... which is now!

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