The journal of I love you's - project me week 20

20 November 2011
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Every Sunday I get myself in a state that I have to blog about 'project body'. It's amazing how someone calls for your help and you end up finding out something so important that you needed to hear for yourself. I do hope that's the case with everyone, because those moments are so rewarding.

It's nearly 10pm and I've been sitting with my laptop on my lap for nearly 2 hours, doing everything but blog. Then Greggie needed me for a while and we chatted about his dad, his life and ... well, life in general. I hope my messages to him helped, because his message to me has this blog flowing with such ease.

Weight! Weight! Weight! I'm back to being obsessed with it and because of that it's chaotic and far from on track. He reminded me of the path of a journey and that the road is filled with turns and the occasional tripping over a stone. The conversation made me realise that there's more to the journey of 'project body' than weight and that I'm missing so much of my precious moments by turning my focus to it at the end of every week. Especially after the week I have had and the precious journey that I'm forming with my SELF.

I had my first official session with Vanessa A'wakan on Thursday and when I reflect back I think of just how alive with possibility and open to receive I felt at the end of one hour with her. The time was filled with explanations of so much that we misunderstand when it comes to manifesting our realities. I've always battled with the concept of someone touching a table and saying 'this isn't real', even though I know there is truth in that. When Vanessa said that the 'spiritual' definition or real is something that is eternal, then it all fell into place for me. It was refreshing to finally understand the very density of the air around us and how our?immigration has to be born from something, therefore it is real. If we choose to access it or not is a different story.

The whole time, my journal sat by my side. We spoke so much that Vanessa asked me to return with it next week, but to keep on writing. Keep on writing: "I love you Jodene and everything is going to be okay."
I climb into bed, next to the man I love, every night and I write that. With every letter I feel the emotions and thoughts that come up around a sentence that is as true and real as I choose to make it.

It's only been a week and a bit, but I can already feel the impact of such a profound statement. When I first started say it, all I would reflect on where the places I felt things were going wrong, the money I can't seem to manifest, the work I can't seem to generate, the brakes that need changing and the frustration I see the man I love deal with as he fights to make enough to see his kids at the end of the year.

Slowly, just as any healthy relationship should go, I have started to feel a little more truth with each passing night of my writing exercise. The irony is that it's been a hell of a few weeks. I always say that the things we need to deal with are presented to us as we open the Pandora's box and I've still managed to remind myself of my own self love ... with the thoughts getting more positive each day.?Admittedly, I've tripped over a few stones and everyone around me (me included) has managed to introduce some interesting stumbling block and chaos into their lives, that sent me rolling a little down the hill and wonder why, if I love myself so much, all of these things can be impacting my life. Then I am reminded of Vanessa's words ...

It's time to start thanking the you that was and loving the you that is ... so a little letting go and welcoming in that all begins with an ending of a day filled with the ability to say "I love you (insert you own name here)" and mean it.

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