It?s Sunday morning and the antics of blogging are hysterical. My 3G connection from Vodacom (so naming and shaming) has been non functional in the flat, but when I?m at any else?s WiFi I?m styling. I don?t know how much of the ?riddled with guilt? part of my personality I actually share with you, but the mere having to ask Greggie to sit in a coffee shop for a touch longer to blog or use his cellphone to connect to his laptop and post the blog almost tosses my world upside down. The blog is a daily part of who I am and it never interferes with much ... until now. It seems to have become the crux of the decision because it?s not simple to just type, post and carry on between moments of the day.
So here I am, rushing to blog on my laptop while Greggie gets ready for out outing to the wine farms. Once I?m finished typing and he?s dressed and ready to go ... we will have to put the post onto a memory stick, transfer it to his laptop, connect on his mobile ... okay, it might not be a train smash for anyone around me, but my perception takes me to places of great annoyance. It?s amazing because if someone needed my help like that I wouldn?t be irritated at all.
I?m finding that with perception and am now starting to see the theme for the holiday. Firstly, everyone seems to think that Greggie and I are married. I know I talk about him every single day on my blog, but he is my best friend and business partner after all. I?m sure if I counted the number of times I have pointed out the best friend and business partner ?part of the friends people would then say I obsessively do that. There doesn?t seem to be a winning situation here, where isn?t fun for a single girl who doesn?t like hearing that the world thinks I?m very attached. Maybe that?s why I?m still single?
The world does know Greggie is gay, right? Hmmm ... the number of times I?ve asked him to camp it up so that it?s blazingly obvious about his gayness!!
Jokes aside, the perception sometimes does kill me because being single isn?t the most super fun a girl can have. I would love to be in a relationship and I?m not going to go into the positivity movement of being expected to say that all is perfect in my single world. That crap about keeping it so positive that a negative thought never enters your mind doesn?t really fly with me when I?m walking along the beachfront with my gay best friend but my heart is wishing I was holding the hand of some man I love in a very different way.
I?m not falling for the one thing that everyone always throws at us either ... we act like a married couple! Now we don?t ... we act like best friends and that?s how a married couple should be!! Most people envy our relationship meanwhile it?s just loving, honest and real ... we all deserve that. Friendship is marriage without the sex anyway ...
On that note!!
The next crisis of perception is a lot about sex and the quandary I now find myself in about an exciting business opportunity and the fears I find myself dabbling with. I got into the adult industry as a speaker to help those who thought that there was no other way but the shame or fear based sexual issues they carry. For me, the ultimate reward would be to get everyone to understand that sex relates to your perception of yourself and what you do with your body is what you think of your entire being. So, when I was asked to do a column for a South African online dating site ... that truly is a way of finding sex ... I decided to be a little less co dependant on the opinion of my business partner and look at the site, what I am trying to achieve and if I could add value. I did ... and I said ?yes?!!!
But then all hell broke loose in my head when it was drinks time with our new friend, Bets. As we started to discuss the new and exciting venture, I showed them the site. All of a sudden Greggie stumbles upon the pages that show everyone?s .... um ... genitals as their profile pics. It is a sex site after all and Bets had a valid question ... if it is in line with my philosophy and what I am trying to achieve then it is all fine. OMG ... I couldn?t figure that out in my head, ended up with an upset stomach and dreamed that I was the only person who didn?t get to meet my fave SA band because I had been banished from Twitter.
The bottom line is that I am trying to help those very people who feel they need a site like that to find a relationship or sex. Hell ... my two last ... um, men ... were both found off dating sites and we ended up having a whole lot more than just a shag because of the integrity with which I go into relating ... the very things I want to share with people. So I had to do a whole lot of chatting to my poor fears, but only when my best friend and gay business partner reminded me that I need to be emerged in that world in order to help it, did my mind settle!
Perception suck ... it?s the bottom line! So we?ve got to make sure we are settled with our own choices for our own reasons and put those little horsie eye blinkers of and keep galloping through life. Well ... that?s what I?m going to do, anyway!