Just over two weeks ago we dealt with the very sad passing of a dear friend. It's one of the reasons I have been so quiet over the past few weeks and I think I really needed time to process my own thoughts in my head before I tried to rationalise them out into the world. In celebrating his life, we worked our way through dozens of photographs of precious moments that we shared and at his memorial, a slideshow looped throughout the event, bringing the journey of his life to all of us and giving us the precious opportunity to see how perfectly we fitted into his story.
I adore those pictures of him and I and I was so grateful to have them flash upon the screen to tell the story of the brief, but special part of our lives that we shared.
Then, this weekend, while trying to sort though more of my feelings about his passing, I went back to the pictures that tell the story of us, and something struck me. If this friendship would have been a few years back, there would be none of those captured moments because I used to shy away from the camera in horror at what I thought of myself. Slowly, I started to think that I wasn't that bad and eventually I realised that the only people looking at the 'fat girl' in the pictures was me. Everyone else was loving the memories or the moments and I couldn't be more grateful that I no happily snap away at pics of myself and the special people in my life.
While sorting through the pictures, Greggie commented on the change in my body and only after the very long and sad few weeks passed did I stop and compare pictures of where I was and where I am. I only have one picture, from 2004, when I weighted a whopping 125kg ... and now I wish I had more. I remember that day I realised how fat I was and how it shifted me into a reality that made me realise I had to do something different. Then, I was hysterical and just wanted to shake the weight off, but it time, the photographs of myself started to inspire me.
All I have done to keep track of my weight loss is keep one pair of fat jeans, recorded my weight and my waist and hip measurement. That might seem like a whole lot, but in the scheme of things, it's very simple. Of all those things ... there has been no greater inspiration and motivation than looking at a picture that shows me how far I have come.
And now I visualise myself that bit thinner and wearing something that bit smaller. Not much ... I know I will be in the sexy hipster jeans one day, but right now I just want to see a noticeable difference the next time I have my pics snapped of me!
So take it from me ... don't shy away from the camera and let the pics tell you the truth, because in the end they tell you a very special story of just how far you have come.